


Flesh and Fantasies

by bnmenvymnb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Family, Love Triangles, Multi, No Incest, Original Character(s), Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 71,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bnmenvymnb/pseuds/bnmenvymnb
Summary: Emma hadn't expected to go on a blind date and end up in a love triangle between two brothers. And she sure as hell hadn't expected that her grandmother would be the one to help her figure it all out.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It’s been a good near decade since I’ve written any fanfiction, so long that I’ve forgotten my old account. Decided to get back into writing here recently and this is what became of it. All seventeen chapters are already written and the way it ended was not at all how I had imagined in the beginning, I'm working on a companion piece that fills in the gaps with Sam and Dean's POV. While there are threesome scenes throughout, there is no Wincest. Set sometime after season 10 finale, with the Darkness never happening.
> 
> Usual disclaimer of not owning any SN characters applies, although the story does center around an OC. Cheers!

Chapter One

The bar was starting to fill up as Emma tipped back the last of her whiskey sour. The collective chatter around her was growing louder and louder by the minute. She checked the time on her phone, seeing she had fifteen minutes until she was supposed to meet her date, and decided against ordering against ordering another drink.

“Is this seat taken?” asked a gruff voice.  
“That depends,” she answered, looking up to see a tired, but handsome, face.  
“On what exactly?”  
“Your cologne,” she replied in what some would say was her signature sarcastic tone.  
“Trust me, darling, this is all natural. The name’s Dean.”

The stranger pulled the stool back and slid into the spot next to her at the bar, waving over the bartender.

“Emma.”  
“Well, Emma, your glass looks a little empty. Can I buy you a drink?”  
“I’m actually about to head out. Meeting a blind date at the restaurant next door in about ten minutes.”  
“So I’m too late, huh? Do you always pre-game before dates?” Dean asked, in between ordering a beer from the bartender.  
“It’s the first one I’ve been on in a while. I guess my friends got fed up having to hang out with me every weekend so they decided to set me up. We were supposed to meet half an hour ago, but he’s running late, so I figured a drink can’t hurt.”  
“Well, sucks to be him, causing he’s missing out on quite a view.”

Emma blushed as she fiddled with her straw. Dean was by far one of the most handsome men she’d ever met. His strong jaw was clean shaven, his short hair both tidy and messy at the same time. And she had always had a thing for a man in a plaid t-shirt. Plus to top it off, he did smell quite fantastic.

“Well thank you, Dean. What brings you here on a Friday night? Waiting on someone special?”  
“Nope. Don’t have someone special,” Dean said, rocking his beer bottle back and forth on the bar. “I just moved into town and was hoping to spend some time with my kid brother, but it seems that he is ignoring my calls.”  
“Now that sounds like it has an interesting backstory. Brothers are the worst, aren’t they?”  
“I don’t know. I guess that I always thought we were pretty close but then a couple years ago he kind of just bailed,” Dean said before taking a long sip of his beer. “But...don’t want to be late for your date. If it doesn’t go well, I’ll probably still be here when it’s over if you want to drink your sorrows away with me, sweetheart.”  
“That is both a depressing and reassuring thought, Dean. Either way, I’m sure I’ll see you around, Dean. This is where I spend quite a bit of time myself. And don’t get too hung up on the whole brother thing; it takes two to tango.”

Emma got up from the bar, smiling at Dean, and picked up her jacket and purse. Dean nodded at her, tipping his bottle in her direction, as she moved towards the front door. Her heart rate was increasing; it truly had been a long time since she’d gone on a date. All her best friend, Ryan, had told her was that her date’s name was Sam, he was a lawyer, he was tall, and he had incredible. Emma liked tall, professional types, but she was also a stickler for punctuality, and Sam wasn’t winning any bonus points yet.

Her phone buzzed in her hand as she pushed open the door of the bar. She stepped to the side of the door and looked down to read the text.

‘I’m standing outside the front door. Again, I am SO sorry I’m late. – Sam’

Standing under a street lamp was what Emma could only describe as a Greek god in a grey suit. He was tall, very tall, and his brown hair was longer and tucked back behind his ear. He was looking away from Emma, looking at someone coming from the opposite direction. Even with his head turned away, she could see a strong jaw line covered in a five o’clock shadow.  
Emma looked away from the attractive stranger, searching for her date. Ryan hadn’t shared many details about Sam and Emma finally realized why they call it a blind date.

“Emma?”

She snapped her head around to find the Greek god standing in front of her.

“Sam?” Emma asked, her voice far from confident.  
“Hey,” Sam responded, a wide grin forming on his lips. “I am so sorry for being late; I got tied up at work and there’s this case I’m working on that is getting to be really complicated and… you know what? Doesn’t matter. You look fantastic.”

Emma was still slightly in shock that Ryan had neglected to tell her that he knew the hottest man on earth, so she stood there for a second, her mouth slightly gaped.

“Oh, uh, thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself,” Emma responded, her voice cracking slightly, her liquid courage apparently not being enough to overcome her nervousness.  
“Thanks. I’m still getting used to these, er, ‘monkey suits’ as my brother calls them, but they’re starting to grow on me,” Sam explained, shoving his hands in his pockets in what Emma could tell was a nervous habit. “Should we head in?”  
“Definitely,” Emma answered with a smile, turning towards the restaurant.

Sam stepped forward as they approached the front door, pulling it open for her. As she walked past him, his hand found the small of her back, guiding her towards the host stand. Emma could feel a warm blush filling her cheeks and she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. Sam asked for a table for two, keeping his hand on her back the whole to their table. Even through her dress and jacket Emma could feel the warmth of his skin.

“I must admit, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on a date, so excuse me if I’m a bit rusty,” Sam said with a nervous laugh.  
“Well, if we’re giving confession, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date with a guy who looks like he lives on Mount Olympus, so I’m probably more nervous than you are.”  
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone put it that way, but thank you...I guess,” Sam responded with a tense chuckle, shaking his head slightly as he looked down at his menu. 

The sound of his laugh sent shivers down Emma’s spine and she sent up a silent prayer that she wouldn’t make a fool of herself throughout dinner. After the waiter took their order, the pair moved away from the small talk and started to learn more about each other.

“So how do you know Ryan?”  
“He and I have known each other for what seems like forever. We met back when I was in undergrad here on campus and he was my T.A. and we just kind of clicked as friends. I know that most stories about being close with your T.A. are dubious and risque, but I guess it kind of helps when what you bond over is mostly which guys in the class are cutest. We both ended up staying here in the city and have stayed close ever since. He said you just started at the firm?”  
“Yeah. I, uh, kind of got a late start to the whole law school thing after taking a few years, or rather a decade, off of school. It was all kind of a fresh start for me, but Columbus was really starting to grow on me so I decided to apply to about every firm here in the city. Engels and Miller liked my resume enough to give me a chance I guess.”  
“There’s nothing wrong with getting a late start. At least you started right?” Emma replied with a soft smile.

Emma learned that Sam moved around a lot as a kid with his dad and brother and that he was the first in his family to go to college, let alone law school. Emma explained that she had grown up amongst the cornfields of central Ohio and despite traveling all over the world, ended up putting down roots in Columbus. Their conversation was full of genuine smiles and laughs and Emma couldn’t believe that someone could be so easy to talk to while also being so thrilling to look at.

As she finished her last bite of cheesecake, Emma found herself saddened at the idea of the date ending already. She had been so nervous but could honestly say that this was the best date she’d ever been on. The conversation came so naturally that her nerves had just melted away, but that could have also been the second glass of wine taking effect.

“You know, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been able to have just a normal conversation with someone. No law jargon, no family drama, no awkwardness. I really appreciate it, Emma. I’m also glad that you’re not some psycho serial killer or something.”  
“And here I thought I was the only one who was worried her dates were mass murderers. And hey, at least, if I do end up becoming a serial killer, I now know a decent lawyer, right? Ryan would never defend me; he’d throw me right under the bus.”  
“I could definitely see that.” Sam said with a laugh. “I don’t know how much help I’d be as an environmental law specialist. But I’ve got your back.”

Sam paid for their meal and the pair walked towards the front of the restaurant. Once outside, they stood under the same streetlight where Emma had first seen Sam. He brushed back his hair, a habit that Emma had noticed, and one that made her legs shake just a little.

“I’ve really had a great time tonight, Emma. Really. I hate to cut it short, but I do unfortunately have an early morning tomorrow. Are you free sometime this week? Maybe we can get some coffee or some lunch?”  
“I had a great time too, Sam. And it’s probably for the best that we head home; I can’t be held liable for the decisions I make after a couple glasses of wine. But I’d definitely be down for coffee.”  
“Well then it’s a date. I’ll text you tomorrow and we can figure out a time.”  
“Sounds like a plan.” Emma said, biting her bottom lip in a nervous habit.  
“Before we leave, though, there’s been something I’ve been dying to do all night.”

Sam moved closer to Emma, his left arm wrapping around her waist as his right hand cupped her jaw. He pulled her into a deep kiss that Emma felt in the very bottom of her soul. She raised herself on her toes as she leaned into Sam, taking in not only the feel of his lips, but feel of his hard chest pressed against hers and the scent of his cologne. As he pulled away, she kept her eyes closed and mouth slightly gaped for a moment.

“Wow…” she said slowly. “Just. Wow. Are you sure you’re not from Olympus?”

Sam gave one more chuckle as he tucked a stray hair behind Emma’s ear.

“Can I walk you to your car?”  
“I didn’t drive. I actually just live around the corner, a few blocks down.”  
“I can walk you home then, if you’d like.”  
“If you do that, I can guarantee I will make some bad decisions tonight.”  
“The gentleman in me says I should make sure you get home okay.”  
“And the feminist in me says that I’m more than capable of making that walk alone.”  
“Well then I can’t argue with that. I hope you have a good night, Emma. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Emma smiled at him one last time before she turned, heading towards home with what could only be described as a pep in her step. Her lips were still tingling slightly from the kiss and her heart rate was nowhere close to slowing down. She started on her walk home, cutting down the alley beside the bar that she always did.

As she walked further down the alley, Emma felt the hair on the back of her neck raise and she looked around her. It wasn’t the safest neighborhood in the city, but she’d never had any problems before. She hurried her steps slightly, suddenly very alert of the noises around her. The car horns down on High Street, the college students walking from campus to the bars, the cats screeching at each other. As she wrapped her arms around her, drawing her jacket in tight, she couldn’t help but feel like she was being watched. Maybe it had been a bad decision to walk home alone after all.

Emma quickened her step, looking ahead towards the end of the alley. She had taken this shortcut to her apartment a thousand times, but this was the first time she felt scared, unsafe. All of a sudden, she was grabbed from behind, one hand over her mouth, one arm around her waist, and she was pulled into the shadows. She tried to scream, but it was muffled. She tried to kick, but the person who had grabbed her seemed impossibly strong. Like they were an immoveable as brick wall she was pushed against. She tried with all her might to turn her head, to get a look at her attacker, but all she managed was a glimpse and she was sure her eyes were playing tricks on her, because she thought she saw a set of fangs.

“You have no idea how good you smell. I caught a whiff of you at the bar earlier and just knew that I had to have you,” a course voice whispered in her ear as she felt his nose travel slowly from her ear to her shoulder. “You’re going to be the best tasting meal I’ve had in a long time.”

Tears were streaming down Emma’s face as she tried with all her might to fight back, but his grip was so tight that it alone was bruising her. He had trapped her feet between his and her efforts to kick at him were futile. She felt his breathe on her skin as he continued to smell her neck. Her mind was racing, terrified, but convinced, that this was how her life was going to end.

“Hey, Fang Face. Over here!”

Emma felt the weight of her attacker disappear as he was pulled off of her. She stayed pressed up against the wall, scared that her own legs could no longer support her weight. Emma continued to cry, listening to the fight happening behind her. She tried to calm her breathing, but that was proving futile. She gathered the courage to turn around, pushing herself off the wall and as she did, the first thing she saw was Dean swinging a machete and beheading her attacker. Emma tried to scream, tried to run, tried to do anything, but the she could do was stand completely still, staring at the freshly cut off head on the ground.

“Hey, are you okay?” Dean asked, moving towards Emma.  
“What….what…oh my god…did you just…what just…oh god…” Emma stuttered, suddenly feeling very lightheaded, her balance faltering as her breathing came closer and closer to outright hyperventilating.

“Hey, calm down. Just try and calm down. Are you okay?”

Dean moved his arm out to steady Emma, but she flinched away and nearly fell from the sudden movement. She knew she needed to call 911, needed to scream, needed to run, but the adrenaline coursing through her veins made it impossible for her to think straight.

“You…you just BEHEADED a man, Dean. What the fuck is going on?!”  
“Listen, I know this is hard to believe, but this guy is, or was, a vampire. I kind of hunt these things. It’s my job. But it doesn’t matter. Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Did he bite you?”  
“A vampire? You can’t be serious Dean. There are no such things as vampires.”

Dean squatted down next to the head and rolled it over so Emma could see the face, making her flinch. Dean moved the dead man’s lip up, revealing that he did in fact have fangs, that Emma hadn’t imagined it.

“Holy shit. Like. Actual. Holy. Shit. That’s…that’s a fucking vampire. You just killed a fucking vampire…” Emma trailed off, her body going limp as she fainted.

\--

As Emma came to, she noticed two things. First that her whole body was sore. Second that she was laying on a bed that was not hers. As she opened her eyes, she saw that she was alone in the strange bed and thankfully was still wearing her dress. She wondered briefly if maybe the whole night had just been a dream, that vampires were just a figment of her imagination, and she had instead ended up going home with her date.

“How are you feeling?”

Emma startled, sitting up to see Dean sitting on the couch across the small studio apartment, his legs propped up on the coffee table.

“You fainted and I figured I couldn’t just leave you in the alley. My place is just around the corner, so I brought you up here.”  
“You…you…killed a guy. A fucking vampire. You killed a fucking vampire.” Emma stuttered, incapable of thinking about anything else.  
“Just another day on the job, sweetheart. Good news is I think he was a loner though. There’s no evidence of a nest here in the city.”  
“A nest? There are more of these things? And you just go around killing them?”  
“Them and other stuff. Werewolves, ghosts, ghouls, djinn, the whole gambit of monsters really.”  
“This can’t be real. This is all some sick joke,” Emma said, standing up from the bed, her legs slightly wobbly still.  
“Unfortunately, darling, it is real.”  
“What did you do with...with the body?”   
“I took care of it.”  
“You took care of the dead body. That’s exactly what a girl wants to hear after waking up in a stranger’s bed,” Emma said, starting to pace back and forth in an attempt to rationalize what had happened to her that night. “You killed someone, and here I am in your apartment. I should be calling the fucking cops. Vampires are fucking real and you just killed one. One that tried to kill me. I went from the best date of my life to being vampire food and now I’m at a stranger who hunts monsters’ apartment.”  
“I take offense to that. How do you know that was the best date of your life if you’ve never been on one with me?” Dean flirted, his eyes sparkling.  
“You have got to be kidding me right now. You’re flirting with me?! You go from killing a…a fucking vampire… to flirting with the victim in what, a couple hours?”  
“There’s always time for flirting, sweetheart. Life’s too short otherwise. Trust me.”  
“I need to leave. I need to go home. I need to not be here.”  
“Let me at least walk you home. If there is a nest, they’re not going to be happy.”

Emma really wanted to be as far away from Dean as possible, to forget any of this happened or that she was potentially an accomplice to murder. But something in her gut told her that Dean wasn’t the bad guy. He did save her from having her throat ripped out after all.

“Okay. Yeah. Fine. Take me home.”

“Gladly, darling.” Dean responded with a smirk and a wink.

All Emma could do was glare at him as she walked towards the front door. Her legs were growing steadier but she still felt slightly light headed. Dean held the door open for her and when she stepped into the hallway she stopped abruptly.

“You freaking live in my building?” she asked as she whipped around to face him. “What apartment number is this?”  
“204.”  
“Jesus Christ. You’re my god damn neighbor. My hot neighbor is a god damned monster killer.”  
“You think I’m hot, huh?”  
“I did not mean to say that out loud. Good night, Dean. Thanks, I guess, for everything and just…yeah…bye.”

Emma turned and walked down the hall to her own apartment, fishing her keys out of her purse. Once inside, she kicked her shoes off and plopped down on her couch, staring at the ceiling as she replayed her night over and over in her head.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

When Emma woke up the next morning, she had two missed calls and over a dozen text messages. Ryan had called her after she had fallen asleep, and based on the multitude text messages that followed his missed call, he was very upset not to get the full gossip about her date with Sam right away. The other missed call was from the Greek god himself, followed by two texts saying that he had had a really great time and that he hoped that she got home safely and to see her soon.

‘Yeah, I got home safely alright. Just took a detour to Monster Murder Land.’ Emma thought as she dragged herself into the shower.

As she stood under the near boiling hot water, she took a mental inventory of her life at that given moment. Everything on her body hurt and she could see a bruise from where the vampire had grabbed her waist. Her head was killing her as well, but the shower was helping. Somehow in a span of half an hour, she’d gone from kissing her dream date to almost being kissed by a mythical creature.

After her shower, Emma made herself a cup of coffee and sat down on her couch, trying to figure out what to tell Ryan. She usually told him everything, but even she wouldn’t believe him if he told her that he was attacked by a vampire and then rescued by an actual monster hunter. Although, knowing Ryan, Emma figured that he wouldn’t have minded being rescued by a man as good looking as Dean.

She ended up sending him a simple text saying that she had enjoyed her date and she appreciated him setting them up. They could gossip about the details of dinner at lunch on Monday. She also sent Sam a text, apologizing for not getting back the night before, saying that she had fallen asleep right away when she got home last night, which wasn’t a total lie.

Ryan responded right away, his message full of inappropriate emojis, making Emma giggle. She was pulled from typing her response by a knock on her door. She looked through the peephole and saw Dean standing on the other side of the door.

“Are you stalking me now?” Emma asked as she opened the door.  
“I just wanted to see how you’re doing this morning. I try not to let a girl go home unsatisfied.”  
“Well I’m flattered that you’re worried about me. But I think I’m okay. At least, I feel better.”  
“You up for some breakfast? I’m sure you have some questions now that you’ve calmed down a bit and someone told me that Hang Over Easy isn’t half bad.”

Before Emma had fallen asleep, she had rationalized that Dean wasn’t a murderer. Not only was her attacker not human, but it was also self defense. Or defense of a helpless victim. That didn’t mean she was entirely comfortable with the fact that he was so nonchalant about beheading a person, but maybe her new neighbor was worth getting to know.

“Sure. I am starving. I just have to change into something more presentable. You can come in if you want,” Emma said, motioning down to her usual Saturday lounge gear of a camisole and shorts.  
“I think you look great. Doesn’t leave much to the imagination; just the way I like it,” Dean joked, sitting on her couch and looking around her apartment.

It was small, but Emma didn’t feel the need for anything bigger. She hated how close it was to campus, and therefore the rowdy college students, but she also loved being so close to everything downtown. Ryan always joked that her apartment looked like it belonged in an Ikea catalog, seeing as nearly every piece of furniture she had was from the Swedish store, but Emma liked the aesthetic. She had framed photos everywhere, of her family and friends, and had more candles than anyone probably needed, but it was home, and just the way she liked it.

She stepped into the bathroom to change, slipping on a simple sundress and sliding into her favorite sandals. When she stepped back out of the bathroom, she noticed Dean flipping through one of the photo albums she kept on her coffee table.

“You’re quite the traveler, huh?”  
“I guess you could say that. I just consider myself lucky and have had a lot of opportunities to travel.”  
“You know, I’ve only ever been out of the country twice. Went to Mexico with my dad. Went to Scotland with my brother once, but we didn’t stay long.”  
“Well, now I think you’re lucky, because I’ve never been to Scotland.”  
“It was for work, if you know what I mean, so we didn’t get to enjoy it much.”  
“So the whole monster thing is a family business?”  
“Yeah. My brother and I grew up in the life. But he got out, as he says, a few years ago and I guess I’m kind of tired of it too. Figured if Ohio was good enough for him, it was good enough for me. I can see why he decided to live here though, the views are pretty spectacular,” Dean said with a wink, setting the album down. “Ready for some grub? I’m starving.”  
“Definitely. It’s a bit too far to walk, but we can always grab a bus.”  
“Oh, Dean doesn’t do buses, darling. I couldn’t cheat on my baby like that.”  
“Baby?”  
“Oh you’ll see.”

Dean and Emma left her apartment and headed towards the staircase. Outside, Dean walked up to a gleaming Impala, patting the hood as he stepped in front of the passenger door to open it for Emma. The ride to the diner was quick and Emma pointed out some of her favorite shops and restaurants around the campus area. They got their orders at the diner pretty quickly, which surprised Emma, seeing as it was a Saturday morning, but the cup of coffee in her hands was very much so needed.

“So...I have to ask...how does the whole monster thing work?”  
“Well, we call ourselves hunters. And we kind of just watch the news for anything that sounds hunter related and go solve it.”  
“So you just lived on the road?”  
“Pretty much my whole life, yeah.”

Emma and Dean fell into deep conversation, Emma fascinated with every detail of Dean’s life. As he talked, she watched him closely, noticing his signature smirk, his intense hazel eyes, his strong jaw. His hair was clipped short, but not too short. And it was styled with just the right amount of messiness. 

Their conversation was comfortable and the longer it lasted the more the banter increased. The conversation was the complete opposite of hers with Sam the night before. With Dean, it was more sarcastic, more flirty, more light-hearted. They were getting to know each other without digging too far under the surface. With Sam, Emma had felt an intense urge to know what made him tick, what his passion was. With Dean, Emma was content with taking what he gave her.

Emma also found it hard to believe that after months of trying to find a decent date in the city, within one night she met two of the most attractive men she’d ever seen, and they weren’t complete idiots either. Dean was the knight in dented armor; rough around the edges but not afraid to save the damsel in distress. Sam seemed to choose his words more carefully. He was was more of the faithful co-adventurer rather than the hero who swooped in at the end. And Emma was insanely attracted to both of them.

\--

After she got home from having breakfast with Dean, Sam called Emma. They made plans to get lunch on Tuesday and Emma would not be ashamed to admit that she made sure to plan out her sexiest, yet work still work appropriate, dress and heels combination for that day. She had gossiped with Ryan the day before at lunch and it just made her more excited to see Sam again.

This time Emma was the one running a bit late, as she had underestimated traffic. She hurried down the street from where she had miraculously found a parking spot on High Street, hoping her dress wasn’t riding up too high and that her hair was staying in place. 

“I am so sorry I’m late. The outerbelt was backed up and just, y’know, traffic,” Emma said as she walked up to Sam.  
“You’re barely three minutes late. I was the one who was almost an hour late the other night,” Sam responded with a bright smile as he looked her up and down. “You look amazing.”

Emma blushed as she thanked him, glad that her outfit planning efforts had not gone unnoticed. Sam stepped towards her and her breath caught in her throat as he once again tucked a stray hair behind her ear. He leaned down, bringing his lips to hers in a kiss that consumed Emma’s whole body. She leaned against him when he pulled away a moment later.

“I’ve been wanting to do that again for days now. The one on Friday night just didn’t seem like enough,” Sam told her, stroking her cheek softly.

Emma couldn’t get a word out in response, instead gulping and blushing even harder. Sam gave a quiet chuckle and put his hand at the small of her back to lead her into the restaurant. Their conversation was again a deep one; they discussed their dreams and ambitions, even some of their fears, but mostly their hopes for the future. Emma nearly choked on her salad when Sam made a flirty comment about him being a part of her future.

As they parted outside the front of the restaurant, Sam headed back to the firm and Emma headed back to the office on the north side of the city, Sam kissed her deeply once again. He held her body close to his, seeming to envelope her in his body.

“Would it be too forward of me to ask to see you again tonight? We can catch dinner somewhere, or I can make dinner at my place. I’d love to see you again.”  
“Your apartment, huh? What kind of girl do you think I am?” Emma teased, making Sam cough nervously.  
“It wouldn’t be anything more than an innocent dinner, I promise.”  
“Well what if I am that kind of girl?” Emma responded with a smile. “I would love to see you again, Sam. If you want to come over to my place, I’ve already pulled out some chicken and I don’t mind cooking for two.”  
“What happened to you making bad decisions if I came over?” Same asked, pulling her in for one more kiss.

After work, Emma rushed back to her apartment, hoping to get in a quick shower, and bikini line shave, before Sam came over for dinner. As she walked towards her front door, Dean walked out of his apartment and nearly bumped into her.

“Well, darling, I need to get a job where you work if that’s the dress code.” Dean said, taking note of her dangerously low neckline.  
“Well good evening to you too, Dean.”  
“I’m headed out to dinner if you’d like to join me. I need to find me a place with some good pie.”  
“I can’t. I invited someone to come over for dinner.”  
“Is this someone the ‘best date of your life’? I’m telling you, sweetheart, you can’t make that claim until you’ve gone on a date with me. We’ll take the Impala out for a drive, find a nice quiet cornfield, have some fun in the backseat.”  
“I’ll take a raincheck.” Emma said with a laugh as she walked to her door.

She definitely needed a shower now. The mere thought of a romp with Dean in his car lit her body on fire and she felt the same ache in her body that she did when Sam kissed her. The cool air hitting her skin as she slipped off her dress covered her body in goose bumps as she waited for the water to warm up. It’d been awhile since Emma had spent some quality time with her showerhead, but between Sam kissing her and the idea of a night with Dean, she needed some release before dinner.

\--

After dinner, Sam helped clear the dishes. He kept complimenting her on her cooking, saying he didn’t get home cooked meals often and that he’d have to repay her. When Emma asked how he planned on doing that, he pressed his body against her back as she stood at the sink. His lips found the crook of her neck as his arms wrapped around her waist, turning her around. His lips met hers in their most passionate kiss yet and Emma couldn’t help but lean back against the counter. Sam’s knee moved to between her legs, not pressing into her, but making its presence known as their tongues tangled together. 

Emma’s hands found Sam’s long hair and she wove her fingers through the strands, trying to take in as much of Sam as possible. He pulled his lips from hers, but they quickly found a place on her neck, leaving small kisses up and down the side.

“I’d say that’s a start,” Emma replied breathlessly as Sam finally pulled away and looked at her.

He smiled brightly and straightened up, keeping his arms around her to keep her steady.

“I hope that wasn’t too forward.” Sam said, questionly, playing with a strand of her hair.  
“Not at all. That was very welcome. In fact, you can continue if you want,” Emma replied with a giggle.  
“I just feel so...so...drawn to you. I know I sound like a stage four clinger, but I can’t get enough of you.”  
“Says the man carved from Grecian marble.”  
“You and your obsession with mythical gods.”

Emma closed the distance between them, pulling his lips back to hers while simultaneously pushing his body to walk backwards towards her bed. Her studio being so small, they reached the bed in a matter of seconds. Their kisses became hungrier and their hands started to wander more and more. Emma’s had found the skin underneath Sam’s t-shirt and moved up and down his back, while his had found her rear end and were squeezing hungrily. As they stood at the foot of the bed, Emma pulled away to look Sam in the eyes, asking the silent question about how far he wanted this to go. His eyes gleamed back at her, a fire burning behind them.

Before she knew it, Emma found herself on her back with Sam hovering over her. His lips had found her neck again and were continuing down into her cleavage. He peppered her collarbone and the top of her breasts with hot, heavy kisses as one hand grabbed her ass, pulling her into him, and the other moved under the bottom of her shirt to her stomach. Emma’s body was on fire, her hips moving against Sam’s, trying to get as much contact as possible. 

She threaded her fingers into his hair and pulled his lips back to hers. Her hands then found the hem of his shirt and she tugged it upwards. Sam sat up slightly to rip the shirt over his head and throw it across the room. Emma dragged her nails down his chest, admiring his obvious dedication to his fitness, before pulling him back down. Their kisses became frantic and Emma wanted nothing more than to feel his skin on hers.

She tried to pull her shirt over her head, but between the battle of their lips and the now constant gyrating of their hips, she needed help from Sam. As he pulled it over her head and arms, he looked down to admire her body. Her breath was ragged, causing her full chest to bounce slightly, and her whole body was already covered in a light sheen of sweat.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Emma. I want nothing more than to be buried inside of you right now. But if this is going too fast, we can stop.”  
“What part of me is giving you the idea I have any intention of stopping?” Emma asked as she reached behind her to take her bra off.  
“Where’d you get this bruise?” Sam asked, tracing over what was left of the bruise from the vampire on her waist.  
“I don’t remember,” Emma lied. “Probably ran into a table again or something. But I don’t care about it right now; I’ve got other things on my mind.”

She let her bra drop off the side of the bed and she watched Sam’s face as he took in her whole body. She felt like a goddess, like Sam was worshiping at her altar, and the fire burning in her core burned hotter. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down. Their bare chests pressed against each other and Emma instinctually wrapped a leg around Sam. He moved his thigh to press up against her crotch and Emma let out a deep moan. She could feel the thickness of his jeans through her leggings and she started to rub herself against his leg.

Sam let out a drawn out moan as Emma reached her hand down to cup his erection. He pulled his lips from hers, pressing his forehead into her instead, as he thrust into her hand. Emma smiled, amazed that it was her touch that could bring this perfect specimen of a man to speechlessness. Wordlessly, they both worked on removing each other’s pants. While Emma was left in a pair of strappy hipsters, she discovered that Sam had gone commando. His erection pressed against her thigh as he pulled her in for another kiss.

Sam’s hand wandered down her stomach to the hem of her underwear and she bucked her hips up, begging for his touch. His fingers slipped under the waistband and quickly discovered how wet she was. Emma felt a shock move through her body as Sam’s fingers found her clit, rubbing around and over it slowly. She let out a whimper, as the feeling of his lips, his chest, and his fingers was almost too much.

The air around them felt like it was on fire as their bodies pressed together frantically. Emma felt herself approaching the edge of an orgasm, Sam’s skilled fingers bringing her there quickly, and pressed her crotch harder into his hand. She panted his name against his lips as her hands wandered up and down his back and arms, searching for something to grab onto. Sam pulled his lips away from hers and looked down at Emma, his fingers frantically working her clit, his hips, and erection, pressed into the bed between her legs.

It was the look in his eyes that brought Emma over the edge. Her nails dug into the skin of his biceps as every muscle in her body simultaneously tightened and loosened and a rush of endorphins flooded her body. She arched her back, pushing herself harder against his hand, wanting the feeling to never end.

Sam brought his lips back to her neck and chest as she came down from her high, his fingers slowing, but never fully stopping, their movements. As Emma caught her breath, she felt a renewed energy and knew that she needed to feel Sam inside of her. She pushed on his shoulders and he rolled over onto his back, his hands holding onto her hips as she straddled him. She ran one hand up and down his hard chest, admiring her view, while the other reached down to wrap around his erection.

“Please tell me you have a condom,” Sam begged.

Emma reach over her into her nightstand drawer and pulled one out, which Sam quickly took from her and rolled on while she took off her underwear.

“Oh, fuck,” Sam groaned, his eyes closing in pleasure as Emma lifted her hips and then enveloped him inside of her. “God, you feel so good. I don’t think… I don’t think I can last long.”

Emma smiled as she leaned down close to his ear, loving the feeling of Sam inside of her. She rocked her hips back and forth, slowly picking up speed, as she reassured him it wouldn’t be long until she was over the edge again either. Sam grabbed her hips and started to thrust up from underneath her, staring down at where his cock was disappearing into her core. Emma started panting Sam’s name as she felt herself build back up to a powerful orgasm and Sam’s fingers once again found her clit.

“Oh god...oh...fuck. Right there, Sam. Don’t stop. God, please don’t stop,” Emma begged as she moved on top of him. “I’m so close. I’m so close.”

Sam moved his fingers away from her clit and instead wrapped both hands in her hair and pulled her in for a searing kiss. His thrusts sped up, becoming more frantic, more forceful, trying to get her to her breaking point with him. Emma felt the familiar pressure in her core and a second later her body tensed up and then shattered in the most powerful orgasm she’d ever had. She could barely recognize Sam experiencing the same pleasure underneath her, his grunts filling the room around them.

When they both finally came down from their high, Emma dropped her weight onto Sam’s chest and they fell back onto the bed. She rolled over to move off of him, but he pulled her close to his side, kissing his forehead while trying to catch his breath.

“I guess that wasn’t such a bad decision after all,” Emma said, her own breath still struggling to keep up.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Although she hadn't planned on it, Sam stayed over that night, but had to rush out early in the morning to get to work. She went about her day with a little pep in her step, which Ryan noticed immediately when he stopped by her office for lunch.

"I know that swagger. You got some, didn't you?"

Emma shushed him, not wanting to discuss it in the office, but she did confirm his suspicions. She still couldn't believe the amazing sex she had the night before and the mere thought of it was making her wet again. She promised to give Ryan the details of their second date after work and then settled at her desk, trying to focus.

By lunchtime, she couldn't keep her mind off of Sam. His lips, his hair, his arms, his chest, his cock. All of it was burned into her memory, burned into her skin. She wanted to see him again that night, but even in her intense arousal realized that that was way too clingy. He hadn't texted her yet, as he said she would, but then Emma reminded herself they had seen each other only five hours before.

By the end of the day, Sam still hadn't texted, but Emma wasn't any less aroused. She recognized that she needed to channel that energy into something productive and stopped at the gym on the way home for some cardio. Afterwards, her heart rate couldn't seem to settle; most likely because she had spent the whole time on the machine thinking about the cardio she had done the night before with Sam.

When she got home, she settled on the couch and called Ryan. Usually it was Emma who lived vicariously through stories of Ryan's hook ups, but for once it was her turn. Emma explained the impromptu dinner invitation after lunch and, while leaving out some details, described to Ryan the best sex she'd ever had in her life. Ryan gushed on and on about how he knew the two would be a perfect match and how he was upset that Sam was as straight as they came, because he'd love to have a go himself.

Ryan was shocked when Emma also finally told him about meeting Dean. She had decided to leave out the whole vampire part, so just explained that she had met him in the bar and they ended up being neighbors. Ryan was shocked as Emma explained that she had had a breakfast date with a different man than she had a dinner date with, but said he was also proud of his little girl "growing up". It felt good for Emma to discuss her feelings for both men out loud, but it didn't leave her any less confused when she went to bed that night.

By Friday, Sam still hadn't texted and Emma started to worry. She worried that maybe they had slept together too soon and she had either scared him away, or given him exactly what he wanted and now he was done with her. She figured she was overthinking things, but it still put her in a sour mood the whole day. She decided to skip the cardio after work and instead go to the bar for a drink.

As she walked in, she scanned the room to see if her favorite stool was empty. She immediately recognized the man sitting at the stool next to hers. Dean was hunched over slightly, playing with the neck of his beer bottle, and staring intently at the back wall in front of him. Emma slid onto the stool next to him, saying hello.

"Hey, darling. You waiting on your hot date again? This would be the third one, right?" Dean asked with a chuckle.  
"No, don't think I'll be seeing him tonight. I'm starting to wonder if I'm being ghosted. Monster pun not intended."  
"You're kidding me. Who would bail on you? You're easily the most attractive girl in the city."  
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Dean," Emma said with a laugh before ordering a drink. "What about you? You haven't found yourself a hot date yet?"  
"Oh, I found her; just haven't gotten around to asking her yet."

Emma stared at Dean, taking note of his eyes wandering from her face to her cleavage and back up multiple times. His lips were pulled into a tight smirk and he winked at her. Emma felt her whole body heat up the longer he looked at her and she was relieved when she could finally look away to get her drink. It'd been a long day at work, and her mind was overthinking the whole Sam situation, so she downed the drink in one go, asking for another.

"Rough day, huh? Where is this pretty boy? Want me to go set him straight? Remind him what he's missing?" Dead teased.  
"I don't think that will be necessary, Dean. I'm a big girl, I can handle a little rejection."  
"Well that dude must've been dropped on his head as a baby, cause no one in their right mind would willingly pass up the chance to spend time with you. Especially in that dress. I bet you look ten times better with it on the floor."

Emma shook her head as she smiled, thanking the bartender for making her second drink so quickly. She drank this one slower, but still rather quicker than necessary, hoping that the liquid courage would help her loosen up a bit. By the time she finished her third whiskey sour, her and Dean's conversation had moved from playful flirting to straight innuendo. On multiple occasions Dean had grazed her arm or her leg and Emma found herself wishing it would stay there for a moment longer.

She ordered another drink, scoffing at Dean when he asked if she was sure she needed another one.

"You know, I'm not some damsel in distress who always needs saving, Dean."  
"Oh, I've gathered that, trust me, sweetheart. But that'd doesn't mean that you should be drinking your weight in bottom shelf whiskey."  
"Well what's if I need it?"  
"Need it for what? To forget about Mr. Best Date of Your Life? I'm telling you, I could rock your world if you just gave me the chance, sweetheart."  
"Then dance with me."  
"What?"  
"You heard me. Dance with me."  
"Oh no, sweetheart. Dean doesn't dance."

Emma stood up from her stool, slightly wobbly, and took his hand, pulling him to the corner that housed the small dance floor. When he realized she wasn't going to give up, he followed her, watching her hips as she started to sway to the music while still walking. When they reached the dance floor, Emma turned to face Dean and pressed her whole body against his. Dean's hands found her hips as hers wrapped around his neck. Emma threw her head back, exposing her long neck and giving Dean a view straight down her blouse. He started moving his hips to the music, his movements far from smooth, but feeling him press into her set Emma's entire body on fire. She buried her face into his neck, her lips brushing against the stubble on his chin as they continued to move together.

After several songs, they retreated back to their stools. Emma ordered another whiskey, which Dean once again protested, saying she should drink water instead. It hadn't escaped Emma's notice that their stools were so close their legs were touching now.

"Number five? Really? I think you should drink some water, darling. Your head will thank you in the morning."  
"My head doesn't care about tomorrow morning. It only cares about one thing right now."

Emma leaned over and kissed Dean, softly at first and then more urgently. He pulled back, shocked for a moment, but she moved back in, reclaiming his lips with hers. Dean's hands found her hips again as she stood up from her stool to stand between his spread legs. She moved her lips to his ear, her breath hot across his skin.

"What I really want to do, Dean, is take you into that bathroom back there, and fuck your brains out," Emma whispered, shocking even herself in how forward she was being.  
"Woah, woah, woah, darling. I'm pretty sure that's the whiskey talking," Dean replied, leaning back away from her.

Emma felt the tears well up in her eyes at the unexpected rejection. She suddenly felt very wobbly and unstable and knew she needed to leave as quickly as possible.

She threw down more than enough cash to cover her tab and nearly ran out of the bar. She was so shocked at herself. She had never shied away from sex before, but she also had certainly never propositioned a guy she barely knew to fuck her in a bar bathroom. She cut back down the same alley as the week before, trying to get home as fast as possible.

"Hey, darling, haven't you learned your lesson about walking through these alleys on your own?"

Dean came running up behind her, grabbing her arm softly and pulling her to face him. She hadn't noticed, but tears had started to stream down her face, both in embarrassment and frustration. Dean cupped her chin, pulling it up so he could look into her eyes.

"Trust me, sweetheart. There is nothing else in this world that I'd rather do than have a good romp in the sheets with you, but I also know that you're a damn near twig who just tried to drink a gallon of whiskey and I can't take advantage of you like that."  
"It's not taking advantage of me if I'm asking for it."  
"It is. Now, come on. Let me get you home. How about I give you a raincheck? If you still want to drag me in that bathroom tomorrow morning, come knock on my door and I'll be more than willing."

\--

The next day, Emma did indeed wake up with a headache. And still no text from Sam. She had tried to reach out to him Thursday, but he never responded, so, almost forty eight hours later, she was giving up on him. At least she had one amazing night with him.

As she made herself a cup of coffee, Emma thought back to the night before and remembered the embarrassing way it had ended. She didn't know what had come over her, but even the morning after, she wanted nothing more than to feel Dean's body against her. The thought alone made her knees weak.  
After downing her coffee, she brushed her teeth, tousled her hair, and walked down the hall to knock on Dean's door. He opened the door a couple minutes later, wearing nothing but his boxers, having obviously just woken up.

"Morning, sweetheart. How're you feeling?" he asked, his voice groggy.  
"I'm sober now," Emma said before pushing into the doorway and attaching her lips to his.

It took him a moment to respond, but as soon as he woke up fully, Dean wrapped his arms around Emma, pulling her in tight. Just being near him aroused Emma so much that she wanted to skip all pretense of foreplay. She reached her hand down to cup his crotch, massaging it, smiling as he groaned against her lips.

"Slow down, sweetheart. We've got all day."  
"I don't care how much time we have. I want you inside of me. Now."  
"Sonuvabitch," Dean muttered, kissing her again.

Emma pulled back and ripped her shirt over her head, revealing her bare breasts. Without hesitation she reached down and pulled her shorts off, leaving her naked in front of Dean, who was appreciating the view. He pulled her back into him, kissing her hard before turning her to face the wall.  
Her hands pressed against the wall as Dean pulled her hips back towards him, his lips moving up her spine and to her neck. Emma's skin was so sensitive, so aroused, that even his breath on her neck seemed to bring her close to orgasming.

"Is this what you want, sweetheart? Do you want me to fuck you against this wall right here?"  
"Oh god, yes. Please," Emma begged, pushing her butt into Dean's crotch.  
"Stay there," Dean said, moving across the room to grab a condom from his bedside table.

He pulled down his underwear and Emma looked over her shoulder to see an impressive erection. She felt one hand move up her side, grazing her breast, before coming to a rest next to hers on the wall, bracing himself. At the same time, Dean was using his other hand to guide himself to her core and Emma let out a scream as he thrust into her.

Their movements were wild and erratic. Dean's thrusts were forceful, pushing her harder in the wall each time, and he kept his lips on her neck or back. Emma moved one hand off to wall to touch her own clit, rubbing it back and forth frantically as she tried to keep standing. Dean's weight behind and on top of her back felt so amazing, so primal. The urgent rhythm of his thrusts was pushing Emma closer and closer to the edge.

"You feel so good, sweetheart. So hot and tight. Fuck," Dean whispered in her ear, his voice hoarse as he focused on keeping his thrusts evenly paced.  
"Fuck. You're going to make me come."  
"That's the point, sweetheart. That's the point."

His breath was getting shallower and his grip on her hips was tightening, letting Emma know that he wasn't far from his orgasm either. She leaned her full weight against the wall, pushing her ass further back, her fingers moving rapidly over her clit. She felt her muscles begin to tense and she pressed up onto the balls of her feet as the world seemed to shatter around her. She felt Dean thrust two, maybe three more times, before pressing himself into her core as deep as possible and tensing in his own orgasm.

Half an hour later, the pair were laying on the couch, still naked and wrapped around each other. Despite the urgency of the sex they had just had, Emma had felt no urgency to leave. The sex, while rushed and short, was everything Emma had needed in that moment and now that she'd had a taste, she wanted more. A lot more. Dean's fingers were tracing a random pattern on her back as hers explored his chest, tracing his multiple scars. They didn't feel the need to talk; in fact barely a word had been said since they got on the couch. They were just enjoying the presence of one another.

"Well, I could sure go for some pie," Dean said with a hearty chuckle. "But maybe I need to stick around in case you want to attack me for round two again."  
"While I would love a round two, preferably on a bed, I need to get going. I guess I'm both sorry and not sorry that I just kind of here unannounced. It was very rude of me, but it also totally worth it."  
"Feel free to anytime, sweetheart. You and that sweet body of yours are always welcome here."

Emma jumped in the shower immediately after getting back to her apartment. She had worked up quite a sweat with Dean, but it was a very welcome sweat. She was wrapping a towel around herself when she heard a knock on the door and she quickly threw on a robe instead. Thinking it was Dean, or maybe Ryan, she opened the door without checking and was greeted by Sam holding a massive bouquet of flowers. She nervously pulled down the hemline of her robe, trying to cover herself, as she suddenly felt very naked.

"Sam. Hi."  
"Hey," Sam answered, his voice heavy. "I want to apologize, Emma. I didn't mean to not get back to you the other day, but time got ahead of me and I woke up this morning and realized that it'd been days and I wanted to come over and say 'I'm sorry'."

Emma wasn't sure what to say in response. She just stared at him, and then the flowers, and then him.

"I was hoping that maybe I could take you out to dinner tonight. I know I don't deserve it, and after these past few days it may not seem like it, but I'd really like to continue seeing you, Emma. I don't think I'm alone when I say I think there's something real between us."

Emma knew exactly the feeling he was talking about, because she felt it for not only him, but Dean as well. Like her body, and mind, craved being near them and that it would never be enough. She wasn't mad at Sam; how could she be when he showed up at her door with a vase full of lilies and that perfect, chiseled jaw? Emma suddenly realized that she was standing half naked in her doorway for all her neighbors, for Dean, to see and invited Sam in.

Sam explained that the case he'd been dealing with all week at work had blown up and he hadn't even been home the whole time, instead sleeping in the office. The only thing Emma could think about as he talked was that she'd been so mad at this gorgeous man, hadn't given him the benefit of the doubt, that she had damn near attacked her neighbor. Yet at the same time, she didn't regret her morning with Dean. Nor did she feel that she'd regret going out to dinner with Sam that evening either.

All of a sudden, Emma had gone from no guys in her life to two, and she had no idea how she was going to make a decision between them. Or if she even wanted to make a decision.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

A few weeks later, Emma still couldn’t made a decision between Sam or Dean. She continued to see both of them, and not only in the bedroom. Sam had taken her to a tango class one evening, while Dean had taken her for a joy ride in the Impala. The time she spent with each of them was completely different, but equally as thrilling. When she realized that she still couldn’t make a decision, she very nervously brought up the idea of continuing to see other people, an open relationship, which each of them.

Dean immediately approved of the idea, although Emma felt a hypocritical pang of jealously when he did. Sam, however, had sat there silently for a moment before responding. He eventually agreed, rationalizing that his intense schedule wasn’t fair to Emma, and that if she wanted to see other people, she was free to, but that he wasn’t going to pursue anyone else. The tension in his voice during their conversation nearly brought Emma to tears and she wondered if she should just break it off with Dean. But then she realized that she didn’t know if she was even capable of breaking it off with Dean. Or with Sam. 

She was falling in love, with two different men at the same time, and she had never been more confused.

Ryan was no help. When she had first told him about sleeping with Dean, he was upset that Emma would even dare look at anyone other than Sam. But he finally relented, saying that his crush on Sam made him very biased. He had yet to meet Dean, but he was more than willing to listen to Emma describe her dates, and nights, with him. Ryan was the king of open relationships, so he helped quell some of her concerns, reminding her that her number one priority should be her happiness, even if that meant being with both of them.

She had thought that it would be more difficult to maintain two relationships, but their schedules aligned surprisingly well. She spent mostly weekends with Sam and saw Dean throughout the week, their close proximity making it even easier. He had left town a few times, headed towards a hunt, and Emma found herself worrying more and more for his safety every time he left. She knew he could take care of himself, but she became very scared of losing the man she was falling in love with. Especially when he often came back covered in blood and Emma was never sure if it was his or someone else’s.

She came home from work after a mundane Monday at work to find Dean sitting on her bed. She had almost peed herself, she’d jumped so hard when she saw the unexpected visitor. That fear quickly turned to embarrassment as she realized Sean was holding up her vibrator.

“Thought you could hide this from me, huh, darling?” Dean asked, his voice practically dripping in sex.  
“What...how...why...how did you get in here?”  
“Picked the lock. Wanted to surprise you.”  
“Well, you should know by now I hate surprises. And I don’t exactly appreciate you breaking into my apartment.”  
“I thought you’d be happy to see me, darling,” Dean asked as he walked up to where she was still standing at the door.  
“What are you doing with my vibrator? Did you go through my drawers?”  
“Well, I was looking for a condom, because I had planned on already having you naked on the bed by now, but then I found this little guy and my plans changed.”  
“I don’t appreciate you going through my things,” Emma said stubbornly, trying to fight her body’s natural reaction to Dean being so close to her.  
“But we could have so much fun with this thing, sweetheart.”

Dean’s lips were pressed against her neck as he placed sloppy kisses from her collarbone to her chin. Emma was trying to remain stone-faced, to show him that she was irritated, but after only a few seconds she caved. Her hands found his chest and she gripped the soft material of his t-shirt to pull his lips to hers. Their kiss was rough, demanding. Emma felt an arm move behind her back and then let out a shriek as Dean reached the other to wrap under her knees, lifting her off the ground.

She tore her lips from his and ran her fingers through his hair as he carried her back to the bed, laying her down a lot gentler than she had expected. She reached out to pull him down on top of her but he shook his head and stepped back.

“Strip,” Dean demanded.  
“What?”  
“You heard me. Strip.”

Emma smirked as she realized that Dean may be giving the commands, but she was the one in control. Laying back on her elbows, she slowly kicked off her high heels, her toes pointing and flexing to stretch after a long day. She laid back completely and let her hands run up her sternum, stopping to cup her breasts. She slowly started to unzip her blouse, letting the zipper move exaggeratedly slow down her chest, to reveal her dark lace bra. When the blouse was fully unzipped, she pulled it up from where it was tucked into her skirt and let it fall open around her on the bed. She used a single finger to trace random patterns over her bare stomach, loving that Dean’s eyes followed every movement.

Her hands moved to push her skirt down, revealing the garter that was holding up her thigh highs. Once her legs were free from the skirt, she propped her right leg up on the bed and ran her hand up her inner thigh, skimming along the top of her thigh highs. She watched Dean with every move. She saw his breathing become labored, saw him readjust to relieve the pressure from his tight jeans on his crotch, saw his tongue stick out to lick his lips as her fingers started to unsnap the garter.

“Leave that on.”

Emma smiled, reveling in the tension she heard in Dean’s voice, knowing that her teasing was working. Her hands moved back up to her sternum where she reached behind herself to unclasp her bra. She arched forward, letting the blouse finally fall from her arms, and slid the straps of her bra down her arms so slowly that she heard Dean growl in frustration. As soon as she dropped the bra off the side of the bed, Dean was on top of her, pressing her into the mattress.

“You are a god damned minx, woman,” Dean growled into her ear as his crotch pressed into hers.

Emma welcome the friction, arching her hips into his. She pulled his lips back to hers and gladly let him take control. His hands found her breasts, pinching her nipples lightly while his hips started thrusting to meet hers. When he pulled back to take off his own shirt and unbutton his jeans, Emma ran her hand down her stomach to find her underwear soaking wet. Her teasing didn’t last long, and she realized the vibrator was long forgotten when Dean quickly put on the condom he had pulled out earlier and shoved her underwear aside before thrusting into her.

Emma wrapped a leg around his waist and her hands found purchase on his back as she tried to match his rhythm. His lips once again found her neck but quickly moved down to her cleavage as Emma arched into him. One of his hands wrapped under her to grasp her ass while he used the other to hold himself up. She could tell that he was fighting back his own pleasure, trying to get her to the peak first, and she blindly reached out for where she knew he’d thrown the vibrator on the bed. As soon as her hands wrapped around it, she turned it on and brought it to her clit, crying out at the sensation of Dean filling her and the toy buzzing against her.

“Jesus. Fucking. Christ. That is so damn hot,” Dean managed to say as his eyes were glued to the toy.  
“Dean,” Emma said breathlessly. “You feel so good. So fucking good. I’m so close.”

The toy was pushing Emma to the edge faster than she could handle and Dean’s cock rubbing against her perfectly quickly threw her over the edge of her orgasm. She called out his name as her whole body wound tight before snapping, her breath catching in her throat. She felt his thrusts become rougher as he chased after her and she wanted nothing more than for Dean to join her in her bliss.

“Come for me, Dean. Please,” Emma begged in his ear, smiling as he let out an almost pained groan and he let his orgasm overtake him.

After several minutes of Dean laying on top her, both of them trying to catch her breath, Emma suddenly became very aware of how heavy he was on top of her. She ran a hand down his cheek, kissing him softly before pushing on his shoulder to have him roll over. She turned off the vibrator that had fallen beside her on the bed and sat up to stretch.

“Still upset I broke in?” Dean asked, his lips pulled into a smirk.  
“I’ll forgive you this time. But next time you might just meet my pistol instead of my vibrator.”  
“Consider me warned. And very, very turned on. You ready for round two?”

Emma laughed and stood up, grabbing his hand to pull him into the bathroom so they could both shower. They spent their time in the shower laying hot kisses and hands over each others’ bodies, but they both realized they were far too tired for round two. Instead, they spent their evening cuddled on the couch, Dean telling her about the banshee he had hunted that weekend. As he toyed with her hair, her head on his lap, Emma looked up at him, realizing she wasn’t just falling in love with him; she was already completely in love.

\--

Almost exactly three months after meeting Sam and Dean, she had plans to go to dinner with Sam for the first time in a week. Dean had left town for a few days on Wednesday for another hunt and said he would call her when he was back in town. Emma was trying to decide between dresses when Sam knocked on her door, signature flowers in hand. She invited him inside, asking his opinion on the dresses, which led to a passionate make-out session against the closet door. When she was finally dressed, she smoothed down her hair and the pair headed out the door at the exact same moment Dean stepped out of the stairwell.

“Sammy?”  
“Dean?”

Emma was bewildered that the two knew each other and stood like a deer caught in the headlights. She was suddenly very aware of both Sam’s hand in his go-to spot at the small of her back and the daggers Dean was staring at her date.

“So you are alive. You hit another dog?”  
“Funny, Dean. What are you doing here?”  
“Nice, little bro. I knew you were always one for turning your back on family but never thought you’d take it this far. Can’t even talk to me anymore. And I’ll have you know I live here. I thought maybe you’d eventually work the stick you’ve got shoved up your ass out of your system and you’d remember that I was your brother, but I guess I was wrong.”

Emma stood still, silently taking in the exchange between the two. However, when Dean had called Sam his little brother, she noticeably twitched.

“It was good seeing you, Dean,” Sam said, his voice dripping in sarcasm and anger as he pushed Emma forward gently, “but my date and I have a reservation we’re going to be late for.”   
“Your date, huh? You always did want everything I had, didn’t you, Sammy?” Dean said harshly, making Emma very uncomfortable.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Emma and I have been seeing each other, doing the horizontal tango, ever since I got into town a few months back. She’s quite something, isn’t she?”

Sam looked down at Emma, a mixture of confusion and pain in his eyes and she wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.

“Oh, God. I….I...didn’t know,” Emma stuttered, pulling away from Sam’s touch and gaze. “I’m...sorry.”

Emma felt the tears well up in her eyes, a horrible defense mechanism she’d had since she was a kid, and she had no idea what to say or do. She suddenly felt like a horrible person for bringing the three of them in this situation, realizing it was her selfishness that led them to this very moment. She would have never guess that they were related, let alone brothers, but now the situation seemed ten times worse. Maybe not making a decision at all had actually been the worst decision.

“Don’t be,” Sam finally said. “I have no right to be mad; I knew that you wanted to see other people. I’m more surprised that Dean’s managed to stick with the same woman for more than one night.”  
“I had no idea that you two are related. I had no clue.”  
“How could you? I’m sure Sammy here doesn’t even bother talking about me,” Dean interjected, leaning against his door frame. “I’m sure in his big ol’ college brain he likes to think he doesn’t even have a brother.”

Emma looked down at her feet, ashamed of herself. She had gotten so wrapped up in her feelings for Sam and Dean that she hadn’t really considered their feelings in it all. The tears spilled over onto her cheeks and she hurriedly brushed them away.

“Well, I hate to ruin your guys’ evening, so I’ll get out of your precious hair. Glad to see you still haven’t learned what a pair of clippers are, Sammy. We still on for dinner Sunday, Emma?” Dean asked, using his question as an obvious dig at Sam, before walking into his apartment, not even waiting for an answer from Emma.

After a moment of silence, Emma looked up at Sam, who was staring at his brother’s front door.

“Sam.”

Emma had the wind knocked out of her as Sam pushed her up against the wall of Dean’s apartment, his lips attaching to hers. His kiss was hard, almost painful, but not unwelcome and Emma pressed back just as hard. She could have sworn she heard Sam growl the words ‘you’re mine’ into the skin of her neck as he kissed it.

“I don’t want to go to dinner anymore,” Sam growled after he finally pulled back from their embrace. “I want to take you into your apartment and make you feel things you’ve never felt before, to show you exactly what I feel for you. What exactly you do to my body, my mind, my soul.”

Emma felt her knees go weak at Sam’s words and pulled him towards her apartment, where he held up his promise. They spent the whole night moving around the apartment, from the door, to the couch, to the table, to the bed, Sam bringing her to new heights at each pit stop. His touch was near bruising, but Emma didn’t mind. It was the pleasurable kind of pain. In fact, when Sam wrapped his hands around her throat as he had her bent over the dining table, she was certain it was the most pleasurable sensation she’d ever felt. 

The sun was coming up over the horizon by the time they finally couldn’t take anymore. Emma was on Sam’s lap on the bed, her legs wrapped around his muscled back as he pulled her chest tight against his. Their stamina had long ago waned, and their movements were slow, their muscles well past their limit. Despite having reached their final orgasms minutes ago, they stayed connected, Sam still buried deep inside of her, as their kisses moved from sloppy to loving. Sam stroked her hair, moaning as Emma rotated her hips one last time before they finally parted. 

As they laid next to each other, Emma couldn’t find any words. Apparently jealously unlocked an even more primal version of Sam and she had no idea that the human body was capable of such pleasure. She tried to keep her eyes open, but the exhaustion finally took over and she fell asleep, Sam’s arm resting on her waist and his face buried in her neck

It was nearly noon when she woke up and saw Sam in her kitchen, making them lunch.

“Hey, beautiful. Did you sleep well?”  
“Hey, Apollo,” Emma replied with a smile, using the nickname she’d given him. “I did. It seems someone wore me out quite a bit.”

Emma crossed the room, wrapping her robe around her, and pulled Sam into a slow, soft kiss. She was afraid to ask what had come over him the night before, but secretly wondered if Sam and Dean running into each other was really the worst thing in the world. The night before had solidified that Emma could not imagine her life without Sam. The pull she felt to him, the connection they had, was far too strong. At the same time, she felt that same connection with Dean.

Sam didn’t bring up the hallway encounter as they ate and Emma was unsure if she should. She felt the need to apologize, because even though he didn’t own her and she did nothing wrong, she could tell that he was hurt. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was seeing someone else, or if it was because she was seeing his brother.

He kissed her goodbye at her open doorway, telling her he hoped she had a great day and that he would call her the next day. After he walked down the stairs, Emma looked at Dean’s door, wondering if she should try to talk to him. She wanted to know what had happened to leave the relationship between the two brothers so broken. She decided against it and retreated into her apartment.

\--

She was getting ready for dinner the next evening when there was a knock on her door. It was too early to be Dean so she looked through her peephole, wondering who it was. On the other side of the door was a delivery man holding the largest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen. After she set it down on her coffee table, where it took up most of the space, she read the note.

‘Hey beautiful - I can’t wait to see you, to touch you again. - Sam’

Emma laughed at the obvious attempt to one up his brother, delivering flowers right before their date, but at the same time, her knees went week. It had only been twenty four hours and she was already craving his presence. She reminded herself she needed to focus on her current plans and hurried to get dressed.

An hour later she opened the door for Dean, who quickly noticed the flowers. Emma could tell he wanted to make a smart-ass response, but he refrained and instead pulled her into a deep kiss. She was breathless as they parted and Dean merely smirked at her. He led her outside to the Impala and after driving for half an hour, Emma realized she had no idea where they were going.

“This seems like quite a bit drive for dinner, Dean. If we go much further we’ll end up at my grandmother’s house.”  
“Oh, I’ve got something special planned, sweetheart. Trust me,” Dean said as he drove them further from the city.

After another fifteen minutes, Dean pulled into an empty parking lot next to a small lake. Emma could see houses not too far away, but this area seemed to be an open beach. Dean pulled a picnic basket from the back seat and Emma’s eyes lit up. They shared a simple meal of sandwiches and beer on a cozy blanket, watching the waves lap at the sand. When they finished their meal, they laid next to each other, staring at the cloudless sky.

They fell into a comfortable conversation, but Emma could tell that Dean was avoiding talking about family for once. He had always spoken so fondly of his little brother that she had had no idea they were so estranged. She was still amazed that a man as kindhearted as Sam could be so cold to his own brother. But she also realized, after connecting the dots, that his life must have been filled with literal monsters. A never ending stream of motels and goodbyes. She could understand the need for a more concrete, final goodbye.

At the same time, her heart ached for Dean. Over the past few months she had listened to him tell stories of his dad and brother and she had learned how important they were to him. He had said that he and his brother often went through some rough patches, especially after their dad passed, but Emma never felt it was her place to ask for details. She had grown up having disagreements with her own two brothers, but she was sure it was nothing to the extent of Sam and Dean’s issues.

For now she was content to lay next to Dean, holding his hand as they watched the stars. It was completely different than her other dates with Dean. It was much calmer, yet not subdued. Even though it was completely different than when he took her go-kart racing or to a local fair a county over, this date was just as thrilling. Just as important. While she knew that Sam was hurt by the situation, she was afraid to ask Dean how he felt about the situation.

As they drove back to the city, Emma brought it up and Dean just brushed it off.

“If you think I’m worried about a little competition, darling, you don’t know a thing about me,” Dean replied, flashing her a smile before turning his attention back on the road.

Dean grabbed her hand and brought it to rest on his thigh as he drove on the dark, lonely, country road. Bob Segar’s Night Moves filled the car as Emma enjoyed just being next to Dean. As she watched the fields pass by in the window, her fingers started to wander up and down his inner thigh and she felt him adjust his leg as she got closer and closer to his groin. The bench seat of the Impala made it easy for her to slide closer to him as she moved her hand to cup his growing erection.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You trying to get me to crash?”

Emma giggled at Dean’s response and brought her lips to his neck, placing sloppy kisses the whole way down. It had been quite a while since she had done this, not since her adventurous days in college, but something came over Emma and she knew she wanted to christen the Impala that night. She slid back from Dean slightly, causing him to look over at her, but her hands quickly found his belt buckle as she worked to undo it.

“Darling, I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.”  
“Trust me, Dean; I know exactly what I want to get myself into.”

After his belt was undone, she made quick work of his button fly and he lifted his hips to allow her to pull his jeans and boxers down just far enough to reveal his impressive erection. She unceremoniously licked the palm of her right hand before wrapping her fingers around him, starting with a slow and steady pace. She heard Dean gulp as she leaned down, bringing her lips to kiss the side of his cock as her hand worked him over. Her hot breath on his skin made him adjust his hips as he settled in, trying to stay focused on the road. Once she was satisfied she had worked him up enough, she wrapped her lips around him and drew him deep into her mouth. Her tongue drew lazy patterns against him as she moved her head up and down in what she was sure was a torturous pace.

“Sonuvabitch….that feels so good, Emmy.”

Dean’s voice was tense and Emma could tell it was taking all he had in him to not thrust up into her mouth. She started to speed up her movements, gripping the part of his cock that she couldn’t quite fit into her mouth. She had to use all her might to not bite down when she felt the car swerve to the side and come to a complete stop.

“Out of the car. NOW,” Dean ordered as he pulled away from her and threw his door open. 

He pulled her out after him and slammed her against the side of the car, attacking her mouth with his. Their kiss was hot and hard and Dean’s hand immediately found its way under her dress and into her underwear. She thrust against his hand as he found her wet and ready, two of his long fingers filling her quickly. In the back of her mind she knew they were on the side of the road, in the open where anyone could see them, but the way Dean’s fingers were curling perfectly inside of her made her not care.

“Fuck, darling. You are so fucking hot. A fricken minx,” Dean said, pressing his forehead into hers as his thumb found her clit. “I want you so bad, but I don’t have a condom.”  
“I’m covered. And clean. I want you buried deep inside of me, Dean,” Emma replied, her voice breathless as her hands grabbed onto Dean’s back. “I want you to bend me over that hood and fuck me.”  
“Hood’s too warm from the engine, sweetheart,” Dean said with a chuckle. “But I’d be happy to fuck you right here.”  
“Then what are you waiting for?”

Dean didn’t need to hear anymore and he pulled his hand from her underwear before he pushed his own pants down his thighs. Emma wrapped her leg around his hip and Dean surged forward to thrust into her. Emma groaned from how full she felt as he started thrusting at a maddeningly slow pace.

“I said fuck me, Dean. I want it hard. Rough. I want to not be able to walk tomorrow,” Emma whispered into his ear, letting out a shout as he followed her directions.

Emma leaned back, the top of the Impala digging into her shoulder blades, but she didn’t care. Dean had one arm wrapped under her leg and the other behind her head, his hand wrapped in her hair as he picked up the pace and thrust into her as hard as he could. She knew that neither of them were going to last long. Dean’s lips found her neck and exposed cleavage, his breathing ragged and hot against her skin.

“Fuck. I’m going to come,” Dean grunted.  
“That’s the point, sweetheart. That’s the point,” Emma said to mock him, gasping as he thrust deeper into her.

His thrusts became erratic as he sought his own release, but Dean made sure that he was bringing Emma with him. His fingers left her hair to find her clit and Emma shouted as her orgasm took over her body, his quickly following. She felt like her soul exploded from her body as Dean brought her to such a high and when she finally came down, her leg was struggling to keep herself upright. Dean leaned his forehead against her chest, exhausted, but made sure to hold her tight so she wouldn’t fall.

“That is not how I planned on tonight going, but you’re not going to hear me complain,” Dean finally said after catching his breath. “Feel free to take a detour whenever you want, darling.”

Emma chuckled before pushing Dean away from her. They readjusted, Dean using a spare t-shirt from the back seat to help Emma cleanup, and they got back into the car to head home.  
Back at their building, they parted ways in the hallway with a long kiss. They both had work the next morning, Dean having found a job at a mechanics shop down the street to fill his time when he wasn’t hunting. After she closed the door, she peeked through the peephole and watched Dean bang his fist against his own door in frustration. That bang made her feel smaller than she ever had before, realizing that despite the brave faces they were putting on, she was hurting both of the men she was in love with.

An hour later, she was still sitting on her couch, staring at the flowers Sam gave her. She knew she needed to do something, needed to make a decision, but every possible scenario seemed to be worse than the one before. She knew she needed to talk to both of them, that they all needed to stop burying their feelings. She realized that was a challenge for another day and headed to bed.

Emma woke up to a pair of lips on the back of her shoulder, kissing softly. She leaned back against the hard body behind her, her eyes still tightly closed. The lips traveled up her neck and she turned her head to meet them in a slow, yet urgent kiss. Emma raised her arm and threaded her fingers through his long, soft hair. She felt a hand wrap around her waist and dip under the waistband of her underwear and she moaned when strong fingers started to rub over and around her clit.

As she pushed back into the body behind her, she was shocked for feel another pair of lips on her chest. She was pulled away from kissing the man behind her and her lips were brought to a second set in front of her. The fingers of the man behind her picked up speed, rubbing in harder and harder circles as a second set of hands cupped her bare breasts. Emma moaned, rocking her hips while also trying to touch of the two men in her bed as possible.

When she finally opened her eyes, she bolted straight up in the bed, completely alone. Her heart was pounding and she was covered in a light sheen of sweat. And she was very aware that her underwear were soaking wet. It took her a second to realize that she was not in fact in bed with both Sam and Dean, but that it had been a very intense, very wicked, and very taboo dream. And it did nothing to help her think rationally about her relationships.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

“Can I ask you a question, Sam?” Emma asked as she watched Sam make their dinner.

It was about two weeks after the hallway incident and this was one of the few times she was over at his place. It was almost exactly how she pictured it. Very little decor, furniture was purely functional, very tidy and neatly organized. Sam had acted almost embarrassed when he let her in the first time, apologizing for it being so bare, but she liked it. It suited him. Almost as well as those dress pants he hadn’t taken off yet from work.

“Of course you can,” Sam replied, taste testing the pasta while looking back at her.  
“What did Dean mean when he asked if you hit another dog?”

Sam set the spoon down before leaning back against the counter. He kept his eyes trained on his own feet for a solid minute before answering.

“There was a time, a few years ago, when Dean disappeared. And I didn’t look for him. Well, that’s a lie. I did for a while, but then one day I hit a stray dog with my car and then stopped looking. I started dating the vet, Amelia, who took care of Riot. Dated her for a while, until Dean came back. We had always said growing up that if anything happened to one of us, that the other shouldn’t look back; the other should move on. And I guess Dean never forgave me for actually doing it.”  
“Do you and Dean not talk anymore because you wanted to get away from hunting, or because you wanted to get away from Dean?”

It had taken several days for Emma to work up the courage to even think about asking this question, but it had popped into her head after a conversation with Dean where he had once again avoided mentioning family. When she first started seeing him, he had spoken so fondly of him and Sam growing up, of hunting as a family, that Emma started to wonder what pushed Sam away. Was it that he had higher ambitions, or that he was tired of Dean’s ambitions for him?

“He told you about the family business, huh?”  
“Well he didn’t so much tell me...he kind of saved me from it.”  
“Saved you from what?” Sam asked, his face twisting into a look of confusion.  
“After our first date, yours and mine, when I was walking home through the alley, a vampire grabbed me. Dean, I don’t know, was tracking it or something, I don’t really know how he knew it was there. But anyways he managed to kill it before it bit me.”  
“A vamp grabbed you? Are you okay? And this was after I let you walk home alone?” Sam asked, his voice distraught as he moved to sit next to her at the table.  
“I am. That night’s still a little fuzzy. I went from having the best date of my life to finding out that there’s real life monsters lurking in the dark  
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”  
“Because I didn’t think trying to explain to someone that monsters are real would make me look real sane. I kind of wanted you to stick around.”  
“Emma, I’m sorry. I should have insisted on walking you home that night. I’m glad you’re safe, but I should have been there to protect you, not him.

He reached out and brushed her cheek, his eyes so sad. She gave him a polite smile before turning the conversation back on track.

“This isn’t about Dean. Well, it is… you know what I mean. Don’t try and avoid my question. Please.”  
“It’s honestly a mix of a lot of different things, Em. I never liked hunting. It was all I knew but I always knew I wanted something else. I thought it was all I could ever do, but then a teacher made me realize one day that just because it’s what my family expects of me doesn’t mean it’s what I should expect of myself,” Sam said, returning to the stove and avoiding Emma’s gaze. “I got out once before. I left dad and Dean and went to Stanford. Only reason I got back in was Dean asked me to help him find dad. And then…then a demon killed...killed my girlfriend, Jessica. So I guess I kind of resent Dean for bringing me back in, for trying to keep me in for so long. For refusing to see how happy I was on my own. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to get away from Dean; I wanted to get away from what Dean thought I was. So one day I just left. Packed my bags and walked away.”

Emma stared at Sam’s back, her eyes filling with tears. She had had no idea that he lost his girlfriend and here she was, forcing him to talk about it. She had only been curious. Dean spoke of their childhood as the best anyone could hope for despite the circumstances, and here Sam thought the exact opposite. She stood up and walked up behind him, putting her hand on his back softly.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry you lost someone.”  
“It was a long time ago.”  
“Time doesn’t matter. She obviously meant a great deal to you and I can’t imagine the pain of that loss.”  
“Thank you, Emma. For the longest time, I didn’t think I’d ever find that again. There were a few relationships, here and there like Amelia, but nothing seemed to stick. Until I met you. From the first second I put my eyes on you, I’ve been so drawn to you. I want every part of you, I want to know every part of you,” Sam said, staring Emma deeply in her eyes as he stroked her cheek.

Emma was trying to will herself to ask her next question, but it kept getting stuck in her throat. She’d open her mouth and try and form the words, but they wouldn’t come. She didn’t actually want to know the answer to it, but she knew she needed to know it. But there was so many possible answers, the majority of which she didn’t want to hear, that she was scared of.

“Does...does it bother you...I guess what I’m trying to ask is...am I hurting you because I’m also seeing Dean?” Emma finally managed to stammer out, looking towards the ground.  
“I’m not going to lie and say I’m thrilled about it. But I think that’s mostly jealousy talking. I don’t like the idea of you seeing anyone else. But I also respect that you wanted to pursue an open relationship and that I have no right to dictate that part of your life. Plus, I’ve figured out that you’re not the type of woman who can be controlled,” Sam said with a smirk.

The subject was dropped as dinner started and instead turned to the usual chit-chat. Sam told Emma about a case he’d just started on at work that was likely to take up a lot of his time, apologizing ahead of time. While she was sad, she also loved to see the sparkle in his eyes as he talked about these cases. She also chuckled to herself at the irony of a ‘hunter’ becoming an environmental law specialist.

After they ate, Emma helped Sam clean up the kitchen and they cuddled on the couch, watching television. She hadn’t planned to stay the night, but being curled up against Sam’s strong frame, wrapped in his warmth, was making it harder and harder for her to keep her eyes open. She was startled awake by a harsh banging at the door.

“Sammy! I need your help.”  
“Dean?” Sam asked, answering the door. “How the hell do you know where I live?”  
“Doesn’t matter. I need your help. Turns out a fang I ganked a couple months ago wasn’t actually a loner and the nest is out for revenge. I’m all out of dead man’s blood.”  
“The vamp that you let grab Emma? What was that about? Since when have you ever been so far away from a trail to let them grab someone?”  
“Sammy. I need your help. Tell me you know where I can get some corpse juice.”  
“No, Dean. I’m not helping you. I’ve told you a hundred times: I’m done.”

Emma stood off to the side, out of view of the two men. The exchange scared her. Not just because apparently one of her boyfriends was hunting more vampires, or that apparently the blood of a dead person was a weapon against the monsters, but that Sam and Dean were so detached from each other that you couldn’t even tell they were brothers.

“That’s a load of crap, Sammy. You can’t just be done. You’re a fricken hunter, born and bred. You gotta know somebody. That’s just the type of guy you are; you always do your research.”  
“Not this time, Dean. I’m done. I’m happy.”  
“You’re happy? You can honestly say that? This is what you wanted? The whole ‘apple pie’ life? Wearing monkey suits day in and day out and paying taxes?”  
“Yeah, Dean, I honestly can. I know the idea is completely foreign to you.”  
“Wait, how’d you know about the fang and Emma?”

Emma stepped forward finally, feeling unnerved by her eavesdropping.

“I told him,” Emma said. “And I think I know where you can get some blood. Ryan’s new boyfriend works at the morgue.”  
“I could kiss you, Emmy. Thank you,” Dean said, stepping towards her.  
“Please don’t,” Sam said stone faced, his voice tense. “Just go, Dean. Get his number and leave.”

Emma felt trapped between the two men, even from several feet away. The tension between the two brothers was palpable and unnerving, but at the same time, Emma couldn’t stop thinking about the dreams that were becoming more and more frequent. Her body pressed between the two of theirs, no inch of her skin going untouched. She squirmed to get her mind off the dreams and gave Dean the number.

“I think I should head home,” Emma said to Sam.  
“Stay,” Sam replied sharply. “I mean, you should stay. I want you to.”  
“I know, but I think it’d be best. We both have early mornings tomorrow.”  
“Okay. Let me get my car keys and drive you home. I don’t want you taking the bus back.”  
“I can take her home,” Dean interjected. “I gotta swing by my place to grab some stuff anyways.”  
“No, thanks, Dean. I can drive my own girlfriend home,” Sam replied, his voice tense.

Emma was simultaneously giddy at Sam calling her his girlfriend out loud, and scared at his tone towards Dean. 

“I really don’t mind taking the bus, Sam. I do it all the time. I mean I took it over here.”  
“You’re not taking the bus.”

Emma did a double take between the two, because they had both made that declaration at the exact same time. Sam walked up to her, taking her head gently into his hands so she was forced to look at only him, a move that made Dean scoff.

“I don’t feel safe with you on the bus, Emma. Especially if there is a nest out there. Please, just let me drive you home.”  
“It’d be a waste of gas, Sam,” Emma said, trying to appeal to the environmental lawyer in him. “If Dean’s already headed back to our building, why don’t I just grab a ride with him?”

Sam pulled her in for a hard, long kiss that pushed Emma up onto her toes. It almost felt like he was trying to consume her and she was becoming light headed. She could hear Dean clear his throat, staring awkwardly at them, but she didn’t want to the kiss to end.

“Fine. But call me, please, when you get home to let me know you’re there safe,” Sam said as he finally pulled back from the kiss.

Emma assured him she would, kissing him one last time, before heading out the door with Dean. Once in the hallway, he wrapped his arm around her waist and Emma heard the door slam behind them.

“Was that really necessary, Dean? I told you I was going to be with him tonight; you honestly couldn’t have just called him?”  
“He ignores my calls. Plus, why would I give up a chance to see my favorite girl?”

\--

Over the next few weeks, Emma could tell there was something different about her relationships with Sam and Dean. There seemed to be a new sense of urgency, almost a competition between the two brothers. They both wanted to command more of her time, to the point where Emma only slept alone about once a week now. And as much as she loved spending time with each of them, she started to think that this ramped up pace couldn’t be healthy.

Dean had taken her to the gun range one evening, obviously not forgetting her remark about her pistol. Emma saw such anger in his face as he shot at the target that she couldn’t help but wonder if he was seeing Sam’s face down range. Her heart broke to see both of them hold so much anger but she wasn’t sure how she could help them, or if it was even her place to do so.

The most nerve wracking ‘date’ of her life, however, had been bringing Sam to meet her family one weekend. The last time Emma had brought a date, she was in high school, and she had tried to avoid it as long as possible, but her mom’s pestering finally became enough.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring a date, Em? You know, your father and I worry about you sometimes. Not that you need a husband or anything, you’re obviously very successful and are doing just fine on your own, but we just want you to be happy.”   
“I am happy, mom. Very. And fine. I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and I’ll bring him by for dinner.”

When she hung up the phone, she realized the problem wasn’t bringing a guy home; it was figuring out WHICH guy to bring home. After several days of debating herself in her head, she decided to invite Sam. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed of Dean, or didn’t want him to meet her family, but she figured that Sam would somehow fit in better. He was the more conservative of the two, although that always didn’t hold true in the bedroom, and she knew that her parents and her grandmother would appreciate that. And even though she had rationalized it in her head, she still felt like she was neglecting Dean. It ended up that he went out of town that weekend for a hunt, helping relieve Emma of some of her doubt.

What seemed to make matters worse was her grandmother had called and asked Emma if she could stay the night before dinner and help around the property. Ever since her grandfather had passed, Emma’s parents and her siblings had chipped in to help maintain the mass of acreage that held so many memories for them. She had told Sam that he could just drive up before dinner on Sunday, that he didn’t need to give up his whole weekend, but he jumped at the chance at a “getaway”.

As they drove down the lonely country road, Emma looked over to where Sam was sitting in the passenger seat. The windows were down and the wind was whipping through their hair. Sam was hanging his hand out the window, looking out at the fields of they passed by and Emma reached over to grab his free hand.

“You sure you’re okay with some manual labor today?” Emma asked with a smile. “It’s a lot of land. Even if my brothers help, we’ll be out there all of the day.”  
“As long as you’re there with me, I’ll be perfectly fine. Plus, I’m no stranger to a hard day’s work.”

Sam’s words made Emma melt into her seat and she squeezed his hand, wondering what she had ever done to find him. As they pulled into her grandparents’ long dirt drive, Emma groaned when she realized her whole family was sitting on the porch, impatiently waiting to interrogate Sam.

“I promise I had no idea they were going to all be here today. I am so sorry,” Emma said as she put the car in park.  
“What are you worried about, Em? Families love me,” Sam joked, his grin lighting up his face.  
“I’m sure they do, Apollo. I’m sure they do.”

Emma hugged her parents and grandmother as she stepped onto the porch, introducing them to Sam. He turned on the charm as he shook hands with everyone and accepted a warm hug from Emma’s grandmother. 

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” Sam said as he greeted the elderly woman.  
“Oh hush it with the ma’am. You can call me Marilyn. Or Gram,” Emma’s grandmother teased. 

Emma couldn’t help but smile with how warm her family was with him; she hadn’t expected otherwise, but meeting the family was always nerve-wracking. After dealing with a handful of taunts from her two older brothers about finally bringing someone home, the group got to work. There was a lot of land to mow and a garden to tend to.

Several hours later, after they had worked up quite a sweat in the warm sun, Emma was sitting next to Sam on the porch steps, enjoying a cold beer. Emma was very aware of the rip in Sam’s jeans which showed just a sliver of his knee and it seemed to be the only thing she could focus on. She had pouted a bit when she realized that even though her brothers had taken off their shirts to cool down as they worked, Sam was keeping his shirt firmly in place. Watching him work all day had turned her on to such a point that her body was literally buzzing being next to his.

“I should take a shower before dinner,” Sam said, smiling when he noticed Emma’s gaze fixed on his knee. “Mind showing me where it is?”  
“Of course. Are you sure you don’t need a tour of the inside of the shower too?” Emma flirted as Sam helped her stand up.  
“Call me old fashioned, but it doesn’t really feel appropriate to have shower sex at your grandparents’ house,” Sam joked, pulling her in tight for a kiss.

Emma blushed when her two brothers and sisters-in-laws let out loud wolf whistles from where they were sitting across the yard. She had spent her whole life being teased by her two brothers and had realized early on that that was never going to end. She took Sam’s hand and led him inside of the house. Sam stopped to look at all the pictures, pictures that documented decades of Emma’s family’s lives. He remarked on how cute of a baby she was and especially enjoyed the plethora of embarrassing pictures her grandmother kept around.

“So this was your room?” Sam asked as they stepped into one of the guest bedrooms.  
“It’s more of a guest room. But it’s where I’ve always slept when I’ve stayed here. I spent a lot of summers with my grandparents, so this really is like a second home.” 

Sam looked around at all the knick knacks that were strewn across the room and Emma noticed him gulp before he looked out the window.

“Hey, you okay, Apollo?” Emma asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up at him.  
“Yeah. I’m… I’m fine.”  
“Then why are you mean mugging the window?”  
“I don’t know. I guess...I never really had a room growing up. All I remember from my childhood is motel rooms and here you have a second bedroom.”  
“Oh, Sam, I am so sorry. I didn’t even think about that,” Emma said, using her hand to turn his head so he was facing her. “I can’t imagine...can’t even begin...what that was like.”  
“It’s not your fault. And I’ll be fine. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” Sam asked, running his hand through his hair. “So which room am I staying in?”  
“What are you talking about? You’re staying in here with me.”  
“In that bed? Emma, I’m like four times taller than that bed.”  
“Hey, don’t exaggerate. It’s a full size; we’ll manage.”  
“And your grandma is okay with us sharing?”  
“Sam, my grandmother calls me weekly to ask me about my sex life; I think she’d be suspicious if we didn’t share a room.”

Emma laughed as Sam balked at that last comment and pulled him down for a kiss. She could still see the pain behind his eyes and she wanted nothing more than to sooth it, to take it away. Instead, she decided that she was going to give Sam the full family experience this weekend, the one he had missed out on as a kid. She directed him to the shower and went down to help her grandmother make some spaghetti.

“I like him, Emmy.”

Emma flinched slightly at the nickname. While her grandmother had been calling her that her whole life, that was what Dean called her, and hearing it reminded her that she had chosen Sam over him.

“I do too, Gram. I’ll try and keep him around as long as I can.”

After dinner, which had quickly turned into an interrogation of Sam and Emma’s relationship, in which they both expertly avoided any mention of Dean, they retreated up to the bedroom. Emma grabbed a change of clothes, needing a shower of her own. As she let the water fall over her, she shrieked when she saw the shower curtain pull back beside her, relaxing only as she saw it was Sam.

“You gotta be quiet, Emma. Wouldn’t want your parents to hear us. I decided I want that tour after all,” Sam said with a wide grin before stepping into the shower.

His hands cupped her cheeks and he pulled her into a deep kiss that set her whole body on fire. He moved to pull her body tight to his, but Emma suddenly let out a laugh as she realized just how tall Sam was; his entire head was well over the height of the shower head.

“Something about this funny, babe? You’re hurting my feelings here.”  
“No. I promise...it’s just...how did you take a shower in here earlier? How did you wash your hair?”  
“Painfully. My quads are still burning.”  
“You’re so damn tall.”  
“I am very aware, Emma. I’m also very aware that we’re both naked and there is only so much hot water this shower has left to give.”

Emma took the hint and pushed herself against him, claiming his lips once again. Their hands wandered, finding both old favorites and new spots that had them both panting in a matter of minutes. Emma realized that she was neither limber enough, nor was the shower large enough, for any of the positions that were running through her head, but she had an idea. She reached over to grab the bottle of her shampoo and handed it to Sam.

“What is this for?” Sam asked, eyeing the bottle before looking back at Emma.

Without saying a word, Emma sank down onto her knees in front of Sam and wrapped her fingers around his hard cock. She used her free hand to make a shampoo motion over her head and then turned her full attention to Sam.

“Fuck,” Sam said, unable to find any other words as Emma’s lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him deep into the back of her mouth.

She heard him fumble with the bottle before doling out what was by far too much shampoo and grinned around his cock when his fingers tangled into her hair. As his fingers massaged into her scalp, she reached up to cup his balls, gagging harshly when he thrust into the back of her throat, his hands holding her face tight to his groin.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Emma. You gotta warn a guy,” Sam said as he loosened the grip on her hair.

Emma didn’t mind at all. She had never been turned off by rougher blowjobs and she wanted to make Sam aware of the fact. While she continued to rolling his balls with her fingers, she pressed her face flush against his groin, her tongue working a random pattern on his cock as she fought the urge to gag. This seemed to spur Sam on and he abandoned all attempts to wash her hair in order to grab onto it and start thrusting into her mouth.

Between the water and Emma’s talented hands and mouth, Sam stood no chance at lasting long. His thrusts quickly turned erratic and he came in Emma’s mouth with a soft cry and a long, low groan. When he finally calmed down, Emma stood up saying not a word and started to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. She could already tell the water was turning cold and worked her fingers through her hair while watching Sam lean against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

“You are a fucking goddess, Emma. A god-damned goddess. Where did that come from?” Sam asked once he finally caught his breath, his arms wrapping around her waist.  
“I figured this might be a bit cramped for a full cardio workout. Thought of an alternate workout plan.”  
“Jesus Christ. Just wait until I get you on that bed.”  
“Remember, Sam, we gotta be quiet,” Emma said with a laugh as she turned the water off and stepped out of the shower.

Later that evening they were curled up close on the obviously too small bed, having never bothered getting dressed after the shower. Emma’s back was pressed tight against Sam’s chest and his arms over her waist made sure that she wasn’t going anywhere. His breath on her ear tickled and Emma couldn’t help but smile at how perfect it all felt. His fingers were tracing lazy patterns over her bare stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

“I want this, Emma. I want all of this. With you,” Sam said, breaking the silence with a cracking voice. “I want the kids, the grandkids, the family dinners. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”  
“I want this too, Sam. I want it too.”

Emma didn’t turn to face Sam as she said it, because even though it was true, and her heart was soaring knowing that Sam saw this in their future, she realized that she also wanted this with Dean. She knew it was impossible, but she knew that without a doubt, she couldn’t imagine her future without either Sam or Dean. But before she focused on the future, she wanted to know more about the past.

“Sam? I know you don’t talk about it much...but I want to know more about your past...about your life as a hunter.”  
“What do you want to know about it?”  
“I don’t know? What was it like? What all happened? I just get the sense that it was a lot more than just killing vampires.”  
“It was. Dean and I...we grew up in it. We lost our mom when I was a baby to a demon and dad was hell-bent on finding it, on getting revenge. So it was all I’ve ever known. For years, he’d leave Dean and I in a motel room while he went off on a hunt, and then when Dean got old enough, it was just me sitting around, wondering if they were going to make it home. Dad and I never really got along. Some say it was because we were too much alike, too determined. Dean was the one who always tried to calm things down, tried to keep the peace. But when I turned eighteen, I realized I couldn’t deal with it all anymore. I left them and went to Stanford. Met Jess. Thought my life was on track. But then Dean showed up one night. Asked me to help him find dad and then I guess it kind of all snowballed from there. Long story short, Dean went to hell to save me, I started the literal apocalypse, we became good friends with an angel named Cas, I got stuck in hell with Lucifer for a while and then some time without a soul, Dean spent some time in purgatory, and a whole bunch of stuff that sounds made up, but I couldn’t make it up if I tried. By the end, I wished it was just killing vampires still. But I did my part. I saved the world enough times that I figured I deserved to finally cross the finish line. I just wish Dean could see that he deserves his too. More so than me. He has sacrificed his whole life, has lost pretty much everyone he’s ever loved, but because hunting is all he’s ever known, he doesn’t know how to live without it.”

Emma sat silently, trying to process Sam’s words. She knew that it would be hard to believe, but this was beyond anything she’d expected. Her heart ached for Sam and Dean, knowing that their life had just been one long battle against the supernatural.

“He got out once...when I was in the cage with Lucifer. And he was happy. At least I think he was. He had Lisa and Ben, the house in the burbs, everything. But then soulless me dragged him back in. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever done and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. I did the one thing that I hate him for doing to me. The worst part is that he had Cas wipe their memories in order to protect them, so they don’t even know how happy they made him. They don’t know that he exists. So he can never go back to them. He can never get that back and I took that away from him.”  
“No, you didn’t, Sam. If he left them, it was because he chose to. Not because you made him.”

Sam’s face was tense as he looked at Emma as she turned to face him, trying to believe her. Emma reached up and caressed his cheek, apologizing for bringing the subject up and telling him to go to sleep. As she rolled over to her side to try and get some sleep herself, Emma’s mind was racing, trying to figure out how two people could survive so much.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song lyric credits: ACDC “You Shook Me All Night Long” and Def Leppard “Pour Some Sugar On Me”

Chapter Six

To make up for her weekend away with Sam, Emma promised Dean her full attention the next weekend. And it was then that she discovered that tough guy Dean was a sucker for karaoke. She was no stranger herself, but she had been very surprised when Dean welcomed Ryan’s invitation to join him and his boyfriend at a local bar.

“I wouldn’t have pinned you as the karaoke type,” Emma teased as they walked into the bar.  
“Just cause Dean doesn’t dance doesn’t mean Dean doesn’t sing, sweetheart.”  
“But let me guess, you only since the classics.”  
“It’s the only kind of music there is, babe.”

The four of them settled around a table near the stage and quickly downed several rounds of drinks. Emma had always gotten handsy the more she drank, a fact that Dean didn’t seem to mind as she finished her fourth drink in a couple of hours. Ryan and his boyfriend has already gone up on the stage, but Emma and Dean were still trying to figure out what to sing. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, or just how intoxicating Dean was, but she knew whatever song she chose, it was going to be a bold one.

Once they had both narrowed it down, they put their submissions in, but Emma made sure to keep hers a secret from Dean. Dean was intrigued, hoping that his signature smirk could get her to crack, but she kept her lips sealed tight. He was called up first and Emma couldn’t help but laugh when she heard the song intro.

“Really?” Emma mouthed at Dean up on the stage, to which he only winked.  
“She was a fast machine. She kept her motor clean. Was the best damn woman that I ever seen,” Dean sang, his eyes glued to Emma’s.

Emma had to adjust in her seat, her thighs suddenly very clammy as Dean serenaded her with the AC/DC hit. While he wasn’t dancing, because Dean doesn’t dance, he wasn’t completely still, and Emma was very aware of every shift of his hips. Her eyes danced over the tight t-shirt that was clinging to his skin, over the muscles on his arms, over the stubble on his jaw. She was practically panting by the time it got to the guitar solo and she knew she had to step up her game with her own performance.

“You shook me, then you took me... all night long,” Dean sang, his still eyes glued to Emma as the song came to a close.

Dean’s performance ended with several cheers from the female patrons of the bar and Emma made sure to pull him into an over the top kiss as he stepped off the stage. She pulled him tight, pressing up onto the balls of her feet, as she grabbed a handful of his ass and moaned against his mouth. As she pulled away to step up and take the mic, she left him with a devilish grin.

She kept her eyes glued on his as the music started and she giggled when he groaned and dragged his hand down his face. Emma saw Ryan laugh behind him, hitting his shoulder playfully as she started to sway her hips. Her jeans were low and as she twisted her torso to the beat, she felt her tank top slide up to reveal just a sliver of skin.

“Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on. Livin' like a lover with a radar phone. Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp. Demolition man, can I be your woman?” Emma sang, keeping her voice low and sultry as she tweaked the lyrics a bit.

Dean’s eyes went wide as Emma started to exaggerate her hip sways, throwing her head back and pushing her chest forward as the song approached the chorus.

“Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me. C'mon, fire me up. Pour your sugar on me. I can't get enough...I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet, yeah.”

As Emma sang the last line of the chorus, she ran her hand down her side before bending over to touch her feet, and give Dean a view straight down her tank top. Dean growled at the numerous cheers that sounded out from the crowd, but Emma kept her eyes on him. She started to move around the small stage, exaggerating her steps and hips swings, trying her best to embody an 80s video vamp.

As the song reached the chorus a second time, she grabbed onto the mic stand before lowering herself down to the ground, spreading her knees wide. She dropped down fully to the stage and started to gyrate her hips in a way that would normally make her blush, but she was too focused on Dean to care. He was swallowing hard, and she could see his hands gripped into tight fists. She shot him a quick wink before standing up to continue dancing. Catcalls were filling the bar, but Emma still only had eyes for Dean. 

“Do you take sugar? One lump or two?” Emma sang, pointing directly at Dean.

The look she received in return told her that if the song wasn’t ending soon, that Dean would soon be up on that stage with her and giving the whole bar a different kind of show. She could see how tense he was and winked at him when she saw just how tight his own jeans were. As the song ended, she gave an over exaggerated bow as the crowd cheered before returning to the table.

When she was within arms reach, Dean pulled her in close, pressing his lips onto hers into a hot and heavy kiss. She heard Ryan give a cat call, to which she replied with a playful middle finger, before turning her full attention to Dean.

“That was so ungodly fucking hot. You little minx,” Dean growled into her ear as he pulled her up to straddle him on the stool. “All I can think about is dragging back into the back and having my way with me.”  
“You do owe me a raincheck.”

Dean grabbed her hand, needing no more encouragement, and dragged her back towards the bathrooms. Emma smiled over her shoulder at Ryan, letting him know they might not see each other again the rest of the night, and happily followed Dean. Her body was on fire from their kiss and she knew that her song choice had had the desired effects.

In a stroke of rare luck, there was no line at either bathroom and Dean pulled her into the men’s room and locked the door as he slammed her against it. His lips found her neck as his hands reached down to cup her ass and bring her hips flush to his. As he moved his kisses down to her exposed cleavage, Emma ran her hands through his hair, moaning his name.

“You are a fucking minx, Emmy. And you’re going to pay,” Dean growled against her skin as his hands moved to undo her jeans.

Emma realized that there would be little foreplay; not only did they not have time for it, there was no need for it. They were both ready to go and Emma wanted nothing more than to feel Dean buried deep inside of her. She pushed her jeans and underwear down to her knees as Dean undid his own. He growled as she turned herself to lean against the door, sticking her ass out, and gripped her hips tight. A second later, Emma got her wish and he was buried deep inside of her, thrusting wildly.

One of his hands left her hip to bury in her hair, pulling her head back towards him. His lips found the side of her neck again as her back arched. She panted his name, trying to push back against him, knowing she was already close to the edge. His cock brushed past her G-spot with every thrust and it made her legs shake, making it hard to remain standing. She leaned as much weight against the door as she could, making it rattle with each thrust.

“Hey, hurry up in there! There’s a line out here,” yelled someone from the other side of the door, but Dean didn’t skip a beat in his thrusts.

The sound of his hips slapping against the exposed skin of her ass filled the air, overpowering even the music from the other side of the door. Dean’s grip on her hip tightened and she knew he was close to his own release.

“Fuck, Emmy. You gotta come for me, sweetheart. Please. Fucking come for me,” Dean begged against her ear, his thrusts turning rougher.  
“You feel so fucking good, Dean. You always feel so fucking good. I’m so close; I’m almost there.”

She felt the fingers wrapped in her hair suddenly leave and immediately reach down to rub her clit. She groaned his name as the touch was exactly what she needed and a few thrusts later she was pushed over the edge. Her orgasm tore through her body, leaving her more breathless than usual, and Dean pressed her right against the door as he found his own release.

They struggled to catch their breath when the stranger on the other side of the door started yelling again and they knew they needed to move. Dean apologized for the harsh paper towels he used to help her clean up, but Emma didn’t care. Her body was still floating on cloud nine and she knew she wouldn’t come down for a while.

As they stepped out of the bathroom, Emma blushed at the line that had formed. Several of the strangers whistled loudly, while others rolled their eyes at them. She was also very aware of the female eyes that were following Dean as they headed back towards to table, where Ryan was applauding the couple.

“Shut up, Ryan. You’re embarrassing me.”  
“Oh, I’m embarrassing you, hun? I’m not the one who just screamed out Dean’s name loud enough for the whole bar to hear while getting what sounded like the dicking of a lifetime.”  
“I did not!” Emma gasped, unaware she had been so loud.  
“No, you didn’t. But after that show you put on, all of us knew what you two were up to. Now get out of here before you give the rest of us any ideas.”

Dean smirked at Emma’s blushing, pulling her tight to his side before leaning down to kiss the top of her head. They bid their friends farewell and headed back towards their building, a slight pep in both of their steps. Dean wrapped his jacket around her when he realized she was shivering, her tank top not quite appropriate for the chilly air. It was moments like that that Emma loved most about Dean; he could go from fucking her silly in a bar bathroom, to being the perfect gentleman on the walk home.

It also reminded her just how different he and Sam were. Sam was the comfortable one; Dean was the adventurous one. And Emma needed both of them.

\-- 

Emma was lying on her couch, her feet on Sam’s lap as they watched some television. He was massaging her feet and ankles gently which was sending shivers up and down her spine. She had been so stressed since Sam had confessed what he wanted and this was the first time she felt truly relaxed since then.

She had spent every night laying in bed, making lists of what drew her to both of the men in her life, trying to determine which one was better. She even talked to Ryan, but even after having met Dean, he was still entirely Team Sam. Emma had been so desperate that she had spent an entire night google polyamorous relationships and how they could work in the long term, even though she knew that would never be an option. Not only were Sam and Dean brothers, but they were brothers who couldn’t stand to be in the same room with each other. Not exactly happy relationship material.

Emma had also tried imagining her life with either of the men, without the other. She had imagined a future with Sam that included a beautifully maintained suburban home, three kids, a dog. In her fantasy, despite the stress of their professional careers and the challenges of raising a family, they were still madly in love, drawn to each other even stronger than before. In her fantasy about Dean, she imagined a life full of spontaneous trips, long road trips spent teasing each other before passionate nights in random motel rooms. She could see them with kids as well, but it wasn’t as high as a priority as with Sam. They were content with just each other.

And as nice as each fantasy seemed, Emma realized that she couldn’t picture living her life without both sides of the future. She wanted the happy kids and the dog, the career and the undying love, but she needed the spontaneity and passion just as badly. Together Sam and Dean fulfilled her every fantasy, her every desire, and deep down she knew that neither one of them would be able to do both. And she knew that she was walking down a path that would only lead to heartbreak. She knew, inevitably, any choice would break her own heart, would be a bad decision, but she also knew that any decision also broke the heart of one of the two men she’d grown so close to.

“I don’t want you to see Dean anymore. I don’t want you to see anyone else anymore,” Sam said out of nowhere.

It’d been two weeks since their weekend away and every time Emma had talked to Sam since then she could tell something was off. She pulled her legs in and sat up next to him, unsure of how to answer. She had thought about this extensively over the past few weeks; but she hadn’t thought she’d have to choose so soon.

Would she choose Sam, the driven one who made her feel like a goddess to match his own Greek godliness, or Dean, the impromptu hothead who made her just as hot. The one who she could spend nights in with, or the one who always had a new adventure up his sleeve. The one whose kiss made her see stars, or the one whose mere touch set her on fire.

She looked down at her feet for a second before looking back up at Sam’s eyes, seeing the pain he held in them. It broke her heart to hurt him by staying with Dean, but it also broke her heart to even think about not being with Dean.

“I didn’t think I’d ever have this, Emma. That I’d find happiness. Not since Jess and not since Amelia. But I found it with you. Everything I didn’t even know I wanted. I found it, but I don’t really have it. I don’t have you.”  
“Yes, you do, Sam.”  
“No, I don’t. Because he has you too.”  
“I don’t know what to say, Sam,” Emma finally said, her voice cracking. “I don’t know if I’m ready to do that. Please don’t ask me to choose.”  
“You chose him the other night at MY apartment.”  
“Is that what this is about, Sam? I didn’t choose ‘him’ over you, Sam. It just made sense; we were both going to the same place.”  
“Don’t remind me. Don’t remind me that he’s so close to you all the time, that he can step out of his apartment whenever he wants and be with you.”  
“I’m sorry, Sam. I know this whole situation is fucked, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy with how it is right now. I just...I just can’t imagine not having either of you in my life.”

Sam rubbed his face with his hands before running them back through his hair. She watched his movements closely, unsure of what to say next.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Emma. I thought I could, but I can’t. I want you to myself. I want to be selfish. I don’t want to share you with anyone, least of all him. My whole life I’ve had to share with him, and then I finally find something of my own, something I love more than I even thought possible, and he comes along to ruin it.”

Emma gasped. He had finally said the ‘L’ word. The one that had been on the back of her mind for weeks now, the one word that came to her mind every time she thought of either Sam or Dean, but that she was too afraid to say out loud. She was still trying to collect her thoughts when Sam pushed her onto her back, laying his weight on top of her.

“Is this not enough for you, Emma? Does it not set your whole body on fire like it does mine?” Sam growled, his mouth as close as possible to her lips without them actually touching.

He took her hesitation to answer as an invitation to kiss her harder than he ever had before. He pressed his entire body into hers in a way that was painful, yet exactly what she wanted. His fingers wrapped themselves into her hair, pulling slightly as their lips moved together. His hand moved under her shirt, grabbing her breast roughly as her legs spread to accommodate his hips. Sam pulled back only when they were both desperate for air, but he didn’t lift his weight off of her.

“I feel it, Sam. I do. I love you, Sam. I am so in love with you,” Emma finally said. “And I want that to be enough. It feels like it should be enough. But I don’t know if it is; if I can choose.”  
“Do you love him too?” Sam asked, pulling away from her to sit up.

Emma looked him in the eyes, afraid to answer his question but unwilling to lie either.

“I do.”

Sam stared at the wall for several minutes while Emma stared at him, both of them silent. Emma could see the hurt in his eyes and tears started to form in hers, knowing that she was the one who caused that pain. She reached out to touch his arm but he moved it away.

“I can’t do this, Emma. I just can’t. I left that part of my life for a reason and I just can’t. I’m sorry.”  
“Sam. Please. Give me a chance to discuss this. I don’t know how to explain it, but all I know is I need you. I need both of you more than I ever thought possible. I don’t know how this is supposed to work. It’s not like they write a manual for these situations. But I do know that being with you feels more right than anything else. More so than the Earth rotating or birds flying. I feel it in my bones that we were meant to be.”  
“But you have those same feelings for him. And you chose him. You chose him the other night.”

Sam stood up and walked towards the door, grabbing his jacket from the chair. Emma stumbled as she jumped off the couch to follow him.

“Where are you going, Sam?” Emma asked, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You can’t just start this conversation and leave.”  
“I don’t know what to say, Emma. I don’t know what else you want me to say. Do you want me to tell you that the mere thought of him touching you makes my blood boil? That I hate my brother not just because he kept me trapped in a violent life, trapped from what I really wanted, but because he’s now trying to take the one thing that makes me happy? Should I tell you what I envision for our future together? That I picture our kids, our house every night before I fall asleep, just for it to turn into a nightmare where you run off with my brother?”  
“Sam. Please. Try and calm down. We can talk about this. We can work through this.”  
“I don’t think we can, Emma. You need to make a choice and while you say that you can’t make one, you refusing to is just as much of a decision. So I’m deciding for you. Goodbye, Emma. I hope he makes you happy.”

Sam walked out the door, leaving Emma standing, staring at the spot where he had just been. Tears were freely rolling down her cheeks as she heard a commotion out in the hallway. She peaked through the peephole and she saw Sam banging on Dean’s door. She opened her own to see what was about to happen.

“Sammy?” Dean asked as he opened the door, confused to find his brother. “What do you want?”  
“I hope you’re happy, Dean. You won. Again. You get the girl. Once again, you’re the one in charge of what happens in my life.”  
“Sammy, what are you talking about?”  
“If you hurt her, Dean...if you do anything to hurt her, I will come for you. Just know that.”  
“Looks like I’m not the one who hurt her,” Dean said, pointing over to where Emma was standing in her doorway crying. “Maybe I should be kicking your ass.”

Dean stepped closer to Sam, shoving his chest. Despite the few inches in height difference, Emma had not doubt that Sam and Dean would be equally matched in a fist fight. She was sure it wasn’t the first time that they’d fought, but she also knew that she wasn’t about to let them hash it out in the hallway. She rushed forward, trying to move in between them to push them apart.

“Sam. Dean. Please. Stop. Don’t do this. Please don’t do this,” Emma pleaded, her voice cracking several times between her tears.

Right before she reached them, Sam pushed Dean back, his jaw locked as he prepared for a fight. Just as she stepped in between them, Dean moved to shove Sam again, but instead he shoved Emma. Being much smaller than Sam, the force of Dean’s push knocked her off balance and she stumbled to the side, her bare foot catching the edge of the top step of the stairs. 

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. Emma felt herself unable to regain her balance and she started to fall backwards over the stairs. She saw the looks on Sam and Dean’s faces, both of them shouting her name as they reached out to grab her. Their hands were a mere moment too late and Emma tumbled down the full set of stairs, her body seeming to bounce off of every one of them before she crumpled into a heap at the bottom.

Her world started to go dark and the last thing she recognized was the sound of two sets of feet rushing down the stairs towards her. And pain. A lot of pain.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Emma was having the best dream of her life. She was laying the beach, sandwiched between the two men who she loved more than anything. As the waves lapped at the beach just feet away from them, Emma was kissing Sam, her fingers wrapped in his hair, while Dean pressed hot and heavy kisses against her back, his arms reaching around her sternum so he could cup her breasts. 

After several hot and heavy minutes, Dean used his hold on her to pull her back and lay her flat on her back. He pulled her bikini bottoms down her legs before pushing her knees open, exposing her to the warm tropical sun. While the fingers of his right hand tickled her inner thigh, he used his left hand to brace himself as he bent over, bringing his mouth to her core. Emma threw her head back as his lips wrapped around her clit, his tongue teasing her. Slowly, Dean brought his right hand into the mix, thrusting his fingers into her as his tongue and lips worked over her clit.

Emma turned her head and reached out to Sam who was just sitting back, watching her face. She could see the thick bulge in his swim trunks and she beckoned for him to come closer. Her breaths became short and heavy as Dean brought her closer to release, but she needed to touch and feel Sam too. He knelt beside her head and she tugged his shorts down just enough to release his erection. She stroked it gently at first, but tightened her grip as Dean lapped at her core, his fingers picking up speed. Emma released Sam’s cock and instead grabbed his hips, pulling him forward until he was straddling her neck and his erection was close enough for her to wrap her lips around.

Emma pulled his cock into her mouth and Sam dug his hands into her hair, groaning as he looked down into her eyes. She found it hard to keep a rhythm as Dean pushed her closer and closer to the edge of her orgasm, but Sam was soon chanting her name as he too was close to release.

“Emma...Emma…”

The scene around Emma started to disappear. First the waves, then the trees around the beach, and finally Sam and Dean themselves disappeared, leaving Emma lying there, all alone. When she opened her eyes, instead of warm sun, she found bright florescent lights. Instead of warm, soft sand, she found a harsh hospital bed. Instead of birds chirping in the distance, she found the incessant beeping of medical devices.

“You’re awake. Good. Do you know where you are?”

Emma looked around, trying to figure out who was talking to her, but her eyes were still adjusting to the lights. She eventually found a doctor standing at her bedside, looking down at her. Emma tried to answer, but she flinched as her head screamed out in pain.

“Emma, you’re at the hospital. You fell down some stairs and we’re keeping you for observation because you seem to have hit your head pretty hard.”

All Emma could do was nod, trying to remember what had led to her falling down the stairs. All she could remember was Sam and Dean arguing in the hallway and then darkness. Her head was killing her, but her whole body was sore as well. There was a dull ache in her ribs, but a sharper pain in both her left wrist and right ankle.

“X-rays show a fracture in your left wrist and you also have a pretty badly sprained right ankle. Your ribs are heavily bruised, but thankfully not cracked. We’re mostly worried about your head and you most likely have a concussion. We’ve had you on some heavy duty pain killers for the past couple of hours, and we’ll keep the drip up for now, but we’ll try and get you on something not quite as strong by morning. Do you have any questions?”  
“Who brought me here?” Emma said, her mouth dry.  
“I’m not sure who brought you here, but your friend just stepped out for some coffee a minute ago. I think he said his name was Ryan.”

Emma furrowed her brows. She still couldn’t remember anything after stepping out of her apartment to stop Sam and Dean from fighting. She knew why Sam wouldn’t be there, not after he left her, but why wouldn’t Dean be here with her?

“Try and get some rest, Emma, but a nurse will be in to check on you every so often, since we do think you have a concussion. Just let them know if you need anything and I’ll be back in a few hours to see how you’re feeling.”

The doctor left the room and Emma stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about the pain she felt all over her body. She heard the door open after a few minutes and Ryan rushed up to her bedside.

“Emma. You’re awake. How’re you feeling?”  
“What happened? How did I get here? How did you get here?”  
“Oh, baby girl. Sam called me saying you had fallen down the stairs and he was rushing you here. Said to meet him here, but by the time I got here, he was gone and they had admitted you. He won’t answer my calls either. Thankfully I know a couple of the nurses, and they let me come back here with you. What happened? I know you’re clumsy, but not this clumsy.”

Ryan stroked her face as Emma felt tears well up in her eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was from the physical pain, or from the thought of Sam abandoning her here at the hospital. She realized that he truly was leaving her.

“Sam...Sam broke up with me. Said he couldn’t handle me being with Dean and said if I don’t make a choice that he’s done. I locked up and begged him to stay, but all I remember is him leaving and stopping at Dean’s to pick a fight. I stepped out to stop them and that’s all I remember. I woke up here. I don’t know what happened.”

Ryan stayed with Emma the entire time she was in the hospital and called her office to let them know she needed a few days off. When she was finally discharged, her helped her from the wheelchair into his car and drove her back to the apartment. Thanks to the cast on her arm, she couldn’t use the crutches she needed due to her ankle, so Ryan very carefully picked her up, trying not to press against her ribs, and carried her up the stairs.

As they stepped up onto the second floor, Emma saw Dean sitting against her door, looking worse than she had ever seen him. He had an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand as he sat with his head slumped over. Emma couldn’t even tell if he was awake or not.

“Dean?”

He whipped his head up, and tried to stand up, his body wobbling from the whiskey. Emma gasped when she saw his face; he had two black eyes and there was dried blood around his mouth and nose.

“Dean! What happened to you?” Emma asked, forgetting about her own pain.  
“Emmy….I am so sorry, Emmy. I am so, so sorry,” Dean slurred as he stepped towards Emma.  
“Woah, hold on buddy. Sorry for what?” Ryan asked, setting Emma down to lean against the wall and moving to stand between her and Dean.  
“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know you were there. I didn’t know. I didn’t know,” Dean repeated as tears started to spill down his face.  
“Didn’t mean to what, Dean? Are you the reason she fell down the stairs? What the hell happened last night? And where is Sam? He fucking drops her off at the hospital and then bails, and no one is giving me any answers,” Ryan said as he stepped toward Dean, his voice getting louder and angrier.  
“Please stop yelling. Please. It hurts my head,” Emma said softly, very confused by what Dean was apologizing for.  
“I’m going to get her inside, Dean, but when I come back, you...you better have some fucking answers or I’ll work you over ten times worse than you already have been,” Ryan warned before helping Emma into her apartment.

He helped her settle into her bed and brought her a bottle of water and her prescription painkillers. Once he knew she was comfortable, he told her to take a nap while he ran to get some food and figure out what happened the night before. Emma thanked him, her eyes growing heavy as sleep drew her back in.

\--

Emma opened her eyes and found herself back on the beach. Dean had his face buried between her legs, his tongue paying homage to her clit, while Sam tugged on her hair, thrusting into her warm mouth. She could tell he was close; she had learned all the signs. His eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth barely open with his tongue peeking out in the corner. She could tell he was trying to hold it back, to make it last longer, but she wanted nothing more than to make him come undone.

She reached up with her hand and gentle cupped his balls, rolling them between her fingers. The sharp hiss Sam gave let her know that her touch was more than welcome. His grunts became more frequent as his grip in her hair tightened and he thrust deep in the back of her throat, finally reaching his orgasm. Emma wanted to savor the moment, the feeling of knowing she had been the one the bring him to such a peak, but Dean was frantically trying to get her to the same place.

His fingers were buried deep inside of her, moving at a near impossible speed, expertly curling to brush against her G-spot, all while his tongue was doing a number on her clit. She moved both her hands to run through his hair, pulling his face harder against her as she let him know she was close. Hearing her groan his name only spurred Dean on and he made sure to keep his fingers perfectly curled as he sucked her clit into his mouth, hard, sending Emma over the edge.  
Emma arched her back and called out Dean’s name to the skies as pure pleasure rushed through her veins. She tried to catch her breath after coming back down, but she soon felt Dean crawl over her, casting her in a dark shadow and her breath got caught in her throat as he thrust into her harder than ever before. Her whole body felt like it was on fire as Dean expertly moved his hips, angling himself to repeatedly brush over her G-spot. But she could tell his thrusts were rushed; he needed release and he needed it badly.

She wrapped her arms around his back, pulling his torso tight against hers. She felt what little chest hair he had rub against her bare breasts and his hot breath on her neck as he worked towards his orgasm. Her body was still tingling from her own, and she wanted nothing more than Dean to join her in the orgasmic glow that both she and Sam were feeling. She tried to figure out where Sam had gone, but Dean’s cock inside of her made it hard to focus and she instead wrapped her legs around his waist and rocked her hips upwards in time with his thrusts.

“Come for me, Dean. I want to feel you come inside of me,” Emma whispered in his ear, having figured out during their past romps that nothing set Dean off faster than dirty talk.

He groaned as he slammed his hips into her one, two more times, pressing himself has hard and deep into her as he possibly could as he let his orgasm take over. 

“Shit, sweetheart. You know what that does to me,” Dean said as he finally managed to regain his senses after nearly a minute.

He kissed her softly, pulling away from her as the scene around Emma once again started to dissolve. She woke up in her bed, her whole body sore, and suffering from a blinding headache.  
She opened her eyes to find Ryan sitting by her bed, nose buried in a book.

“What time is it?” Emma asked, her voice dry and hoarse.  
“You’re awake. It’s about seven o’clock; you’ve been sleeping quite a while. How’re you feeling, Em?”  
“Like I’ve been hit by a bus.”  
“More like hit by a Dean,” Ryan said, seething.  
“What? What do you mean?”  
“I figured out why Dean looked like someone used him as a punching bag. Because Sam did it after he dropped you off at the hospital. Apparently Dean pushed you down the stairs. He said that you had stepped in to get between them and somehow Dean missed his massive six-foot-four brother and instead shoved you hard enough that you stumbled over to the stairs and fell. He’s lucky he was gone by the time Sam told me, because there won’t be a body left to find if I ever see him again.”  
“He couldn’t have done it on purpose, Ryan. It was an accident,” Emma said, slowly piecing together her own memory of events, the pain of Sam leaving her adding on to the physical pain she felt.  
“Doesn’t fucking matter. Look how hurt you are. He did this, Em. He did this to you.”  
“Well by that thinking, Ryan, Sam did it too, because it was him leaving that had me breaking up the fight between them.”  
“Don’t try and defend Dean, Emma. He hurt you. He literally hurt you.”  
“Yeah, but Sam hurt me worse, Ryan,” Emma snapped back, tears welling up in her eyes.

Ryan could tell the conversation was over and he instead focused on making sure Emma had enough water and was comfortable. Emma knew that Dean wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, but Ryan was right: he had. He had let his anger at his brother consume him and lost control. The only other time she had seen that same rage in his face was when he rescued her in the alley, when he beheaded the vampire.

Beyond the physical pain, what hurt Emma the most, however, was that Sam had just abandoned her at the hospital. Not an hour before, he had said he loved her, but apparently that went out the window as soon as he walked out on her. She felt the tears that she had been trying to keep at bay spill over onto her cheeks as sobs racked her body. Somehow in the span of twenty four hours, she had gone from happy, to completely broken, both in body and in heart.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of light bondage

Chapter Eight

The next few weeks were surreal for Emma. She took a few days off of work to rest and Ryan had come over every day to help her. Emma thanked her lucky stars to have such a good friend in her life. Especially since she hadn’t heard a word from either Sam or Dean, both of them having seemed to have dropped off the face of the planet.

The physical pain from her injuries had subsided. Her ankle was healed, and while she had a cast on her arm, the pain no longer bothered her. Instead, she spent her days in a constant state of depression, her heart completely shattered. Ryan had tried to help her cheer up, to get her mind off of the two men she loved, but the only thing that seemed to help was drinking. So Emma was spending almost every night in her favorite stool at the bar.

It was a Friday night and it had been about a month since she’d woken up in the hospital with her world completely upside down. It was still early in the night, but Emma was already nursing her fourth drink, realizing the bartender would probably cut her off soon.

“This seat taken?”

Emma didn’t even bother looking up at the stranger who was standing next to her. Instead she took a long sip of her whiskey sour before answering.

“Last guy who asked me that ended up making me fall in love with him and then shoved me down the stairs,” Emma said, waving her arm in the cast. “So if you think you can top that, then I guess the seat’s empty.”

The stranger’s eye widened and he slowly backed away, to which Emma chuckled. She waved the bartender over, realizing that she had had enough for the night, and paid her tab. She shivered as she stepped outside, the cool chill in the air biting at her exposed legs. She headed down the street to walk home, refusing to take the shortcut through the alley. She didn’t need any more reason to think about Sam and Dean.

As she walked home, a slight stumble in her walk, she tried her best to not think about Sam’s strong arms or Dean’s full lips. She tried not to think about the future she had imagined many a times, a future which she finally realized she would never see. How stupid had she been to think that she could get not one, but two happy endings.

She had no idea where they were. Ryan told her that Sam had resigned from the practice within a few days of the fight and Emma hadn’t seen the Impala in its parking spot either. They had both disappeared from her life, but she figured they were experts at just that. Coming into someone’s life, changing it for forever, and then disappearing without a trace. Leaving only the wickedest of fantasies behind.

Every night for the past week she had woken up from an intense fantasy featuring both men. The locations were different, the situations diverse, but each one revolved around her being sandwiched by the two men she was in love with. And despite the fact she knew it was wrong, way beyond taboo, Emma wanted nothing more than for the fantasies to come true. So she spent every night with either her fingers or her vibrator buried deep inside of her, desperate for release. And despite the alcohol coursing through her veins, she knew tonight would be no different.

She stripped down as soon as she got into her apartment and didn’t even bother putting pajamas on before she flopped down onto her bed, knowing she’d just rip them off of herself whenever she woke up. The air inside her apartment was chilly, but welcoming, as she drew the covers around her, desperate to see her boys again.

When Emma opened her eyes, she found herself in a situation she had never been before. She was standing stark naked in the middle of a mostly empty room, her hands bound behind her back and a gag shoved in her mouth. She couldn’t see either Sam or Dean, but she could sense them nearby and she was on high alert, listening for any sound they made. She relaxed slightly when Dean stepped into her view, wearing only low slung jeans and his signature smirk.

“My, my, my, darling. Don’t you just look delicious? Like a piece of pie,” Dean said, licking his lips as he circled her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin.

Emma instinctually knew she wasn’t supposed to move. She was supposed to wait to be told what to do. But she jumped when Sam came up behind her, his breath heavy on her ear.

“If it becomes too much, Emma, if you want to stop at all, drop this bell. Please. Don’t do anything you don’t want to,” Sam told her, his voice both filled with sex and concern for her wellbeing. “Do you understand?”

Emma felt him press a bell into her hand and nodded her head vigorously, drool starting to drip out beyond the ball gag as she became desperate for either of their touches. Sam backed away and she heard him grab something from a table all while Dean surveyed her head on. His eyes raked up and down her body, setting her skin on fire, and she moaned in frustration of not being touched.

Sam circled in front of her, much closer than Dean, and dragged his finger across her hip and stomach, drawing lazy patterns. He looked down into her eyes as he stood directly in front of her and he reached behind her. Emma felt a sharp smack on her ass and she realized Sam had grabbed a paddled. The smack hadn’t been painful, but the sensation alone made her knees quack. Sam was silent as he finished circling her, smacking her on the other cheek.

Emma moaned at the contact, her body hotter than she had ever felt before, desperate. Sam started giving her steady smacks, alternating sides, but keeping the force on that line between pain and pleasure. Dean stepped forward, drawing Emma’s attention and his hands reached up to cup her breasts. Her nipples were already hard, a combination of the cold air and her intense arousal, and Dean wasted no time squeezing and pinching them. His lips found her collarbone as Emma found it difficult to focus on all the different sensations. Deans lips and fingers were working her into a frenzy, but Sam’s paddle was keeping her both grounded and on her toes at the same time.

She had lost count at the number of smacks that Sam delivered and she was both relieved and sad when she heard the paddle clatter to the floor behind her. The emptiness of the paddle was soon replaced by Sam’s body, as he pushed up against her back, his hips pressing into her red ass. The rough denim of his jeans rubbed against her raw flesh and Emma groaned, but not in pain. She had never felt this much pleasure in her life and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

Sam’s hand snacked around her waist, his fingers skimming down her stomach straight to her clit. Emma cried out as he found it, her legs buckling and throwing her weight back into him. Dean was not deterred by the movement, keeping his lips firmly attached to her skin. His fingers were rough and calloused, but felt perfect against her breasts and she pressed her chest into him, begging for more.

She knew she should feel vulnerable in this position. She was naked. She was bound. And she was muted. But at the same time she had never felt safer before. Her boys were taking care of her. Her boys were here with her again.

After working her up close to the edge, both men stepped away, almost simultaneously. She groaned, desperate for their touch, for some friction, but she knew they would take care of her. She stumbled slightly when Sam pushed her forward, his hand planted firmly on her lower back, and moved her towards what Emma could only describe as a leather padded sawhorse. 

As she stood in front of it, she was confused to feel Sam loosen the bindings on her hands, setting her free. She quickly she realized that two of the legs on the furniture in front of her had fur lined cuffs. Both men knew it was pure torture for her not to be able to touch them, and she wondered what she had done to deserve this punishment. Sam silently pushed on her back, making her bend over the apparatus and Dean made quick work of securing the cuffs to her wrists. She was very aware that her face was now perfectly level with Dean’s groin.

“Are they too tight?” Dean asked, checking multiple times to make sure they weren’t cutting into her skin. “You still got the bell, sweetheart?”

Emma nodded her head as she lifted the hand with the bell and sighed softly as Dean kissed her forehead before standing up, running his hands up and down her back. Her chest was pressed down on the smooth leather top of the sawhorse, the cool material a shock to her nipples. Emma jumped slightly when she felt a soft buzz run up the back of her bare thigh. It took her a second to realize that Sam had grabbed another toy. He moved the vibrator up her leg slowly and then moved it down the other, completely avoiding where Emma wanted it most.

Emma felt Dean grab for the buckle on her gag and took a deep breath when her mouth was finally empty. But it wasn’t empty for long. While Sam distracted her with the vibrator, Dean dropped his jeans and guided his cock straight into her mouth. His fingers threaded into her hair as he thrust into her mouth slowly but steadily.

“Oh, fuck, sweetheart. I will never get over this mouth of yours,” Dean groaned, his head thrown back with his eyes shut tight.

Emma tried to focus on Dean’s thrusts, on his cock, but cried out when Sam brought the vibrator to press directly on her clit. Her knees once again buckled, but the sawhorse was thankfully supporting her entire weight. Sam had set the toy on a random vibration pattern and it was pure torture against Emma’s clit. She didn’t want it to stop, but at the same time, she wanted so much more. She wanted Sam to slam his cock into her, to fill her, while Dean did the same with her mouth.

Sam only tortured Emma with the vibrator for a few minutes before granting her wish. He raked his nails down her back as he lined himself up, the sawhorse keeping her at the perfect height. He held onto her hips and slammed into her core at the same time Dean thrust into her mouth and Emma had never felt so full. She was being used in every sense of the word, but at the same time she felt like she was being worshipped. She was quite literally spit roasted between the two men and there was nowhere else that she ever wanted to be.

Both men settled into a steady and complementary rhythm and Emma felt herself quickly racing towards release. Dean’s grunts were becoming shorter, more strained, and she knew he wasn’t far from his orgasm either, and while she couldn’t see Sam, she knew that the urgency in his thrusts could only mean one thing.

Emma was thrown over the edge when Sam brought the vibrator back to her clit. She was so lost in the sensation of her orgasm that she gagged as Dean thrust hard and fast into her throat, pulling her face tight against his crotch as he too came. She choked slightly around his cock, trying to swallow his release, as Sam continued to slam into her from behind.

“Fuck, Emma. You feel so damn good. You were made for my cock,” Sam grunted in a rare display of dirty talk.

Emma looked over her shoulder as Dean pulled away and stared into Sam’s eyes. His thrusts became harder, but less paced as he raced for his own release. Emma couldn’t use her body to help reach his orgasm, but she wanted to help him get there, to join her in the ecstasy.

“Come for me, Sam. Come inside of me. Please.”

Sam threw his head back as he thrust into Emma only twice more before growling out her name. It was at that moment the Emma finally woke up, finding herself alone in her bed, fingers buried inside of her, seeking her own release. She knew her own vibrator was in the drawer next to her, but there was an urgency that told her that fingers would have to do. Her hand in the cast pinched her nipples clumsily, just as Dean had, and in less than a minute she found her release, shouting out both Sam and Dean’s names before falling back into bed, exhausted.

\--

Emma’s life fell into a simple routine and she started to run through her days on autopilot. The quality of her work in the office didn’t suffer, but didn’t exceed standards by any means. She went to the gym several times a week, but never pushed herself to the limit. She spent almost every night on her favorite barstool, trying to numb the memories. And she spent every night in the throes of self-induced pleasure as she dreamt about Sam and Dean.

Ryan was worried about her, scared of her seemingly unending need to ruin her liver. He had apologized several times for setting her up with Sam, but was also quick to remind her that Dean was her own fault. After much begging on Emma’s part, Ryan finally explained everything that had happened the night she had gone to the hospital.

“He called me, panicked, saying you’d been hurt, that you’d fallen down the stairs and he said you wanted me at the hospital. I lied when I told you he was gone by the time I got there. He was right by your side. But as soon as I got there, he left. Said that he didn’t deserve to be by your side and that he had to take care of a problem. He wouldn’t say what the problem was, but when I saw Dean in the morning I understood,” Ryan explained, sitting next to where Emma was curled up on her couch. “He...I had never seen him like that, Em. He looked like such a lost, but such an angry, almost… I don’t know... puppy. Like his favorite toy had been taken away from him and he wanted nothing more than to kill the person who took it. I don’t know how he didn’t beat Dean to death. Because I would have.”  
“Why...why did you tell me that he wasn’t there when you got there?”  
“Because…I don’t know, Em. I figured it’d hurt less somehow? Like knowing he was there but left would make it hurt worse?” Ryan admitted, looking down in shame.  
“I...I miss them, Ryan. So much. God, I love them both so much.”  
“I know, Em,” Ryan said, pulling Emma into a tight hug as she buried her face in his shoulder.

And even six months later, when the crutches and cast were long gone, Emma still felt the pain from that evening, still missed them. She had gone from her living her life in the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. She knew that she needed to snap out of it, that she didn’t deserve to be so miserable, but those thoughts were always closely followed by thoughts of all the decisions she had made. And as she looked back at her short relationship with both men, she realized just how many bad decisions she had actually made.

How she had decided to let Ryan set her up on a blind date. How she had decided to walk home alone after her first date with Sam. How she had decided to sleep with Sam so soon. How she had decided to sleep with Dean immediately after. How she had refused to decide between the two. How she had tried to break up the fight between them. But her worst decision by far had to have been falling in love with the two most enchanting, most infuriating, most enticing men she’d ever meet.

When her grandmother couldn’t stand her self-loathing anymore, she invited Emma to spend the weekend with her. Emma had told her months ago that she had Sam had split up, but gave her no more details. They shared a quiet dinner, the older woman trying to get Emma to speak, but Emma didn’t even know where to begin. How was she supposed to tell her grandmother, who was married to her high school sweetheart for over half a century, that she had fallen in love with two brothers and she had lost it all in one night.

As she was laying in bed that night, in the bed she had shared with Sam, Emma started crying. It had been weeks, practically months, since she had actually cried, but it finally all boiled over. She had her face buried in her pillow, so she didn’t hear her grandmother open the door.

“Oh, Emmy. What’s wrong? Please tell me.”

Emma sobbed as her grandmother rubbed her back, trying to sooth her. She wondered how her life had gotten to this point and how she would ever possibly get past all of it. She rolled over to face her grandmother, her face red and wet from the tears.

“I messed up so bad, Gram. I mess it all up.”  
“Why do you say that, baby girl? What happened?”  
“I fell in love with him...and I fell in love with his brother too,” Emma choked out, waiting to hear her grandmother gasp or scold her.  
“Oh, baby girl. Come on down stairs and we’ll get a drink and you can tell me all about it.”

Emma was shocked at her grandmother’s response, but then she remembered this was the woman who had helped raise her, who made her the woman she was. This was the woman who she told everything about her life growing up, about her high school and college boyfriends. This was the woman she could tell anything, and why she ever doubted that she had no clue.

As they sat on the couch downstairs, Emma downed her first glass of whiskey quickly while her grandmother nursed hers. Emma told her about being set up with Sam by Ryan, which Marilyn already knew, but then described how she met Dean that same night. She left out the bit about the vampire, but Emma explained how she had fallen in love with both at the same time, not knowing they were brothers. And she started crying when she explained that Sam had left her because she couldn’t make a choice between the two and that after a fight between the two brothers, Dean had disappeared as well. She neglected to tell her grandmother that the fight was how she broke her wrist, having told her when it happened that she merely stumbled on her own and fell down the stairs, but she wasn’t sure if the older woman bought the story.

“I made so many mistakes, Gram. I tried to have it all, when I didn’t deserve it. I was so stupid to stay with both of them, to fall in love with both of them. And now I’ve lost it all.”  
“Oh, Emmy. Love is not stupid, child. Sure loving someone can make you do stupid stuff, but loving them is not. It’s beautiful. It’s magical. But sometimes you have to step away from the magic, from the fantasies, and remember what’s real. The flesh of it all. And unfortunately, the flesh can be broken.”

Her grandmother’s wise words cut through Emma deep as she remembered that she wasn’t the only one hurting in this situation. Sam and Dean were as well. She had been so wrapped up in her fantasies, what she wanted, that she had neglected them. She had strung them both along, toyed with their feelings, and left them just as shattered and bruised as she was.

Marilyn could offer her no advice on what to do, but reminded her that Emma always had her family in her corner. Emma explained that she had never seen a relationship between family like the one Sam and Dean shared. Their hatred for one another was so foreign to her. Sure her brothers annoyed her, but she held nothing but love for the both of them. She didn’t understand how Sam and Dean’s relationship could be so broken, so biting. How they could both be so loving with her but hate each other so much.

\--

Emma was locking her apartment door, intent on going to the bar to drown out her latest round of self-loathing, when she heard a familiar grunt in the stairwell. Her eyes widened as she froze in place, not wanting to turn around to see if her ears were telling her the truth or not.

“Emmy.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she turned to face Dean. She immediately gasped as she took in his bloody and bruised face, his arm wrapped around his own waist as he used the wall in order to remain standing.

“Dean? What...what happened to you?”  
“I’m so sorry, Emmy. So fucking sorry,” Dean said, ignoring her question.

He didn’t move any closer to her, but Emma felt every emotion he was conveying with his eyes. She stepped forward, gently cupping his cheek as she checked him over.

“God, Dean. You look….you look... who did this to you?”  
“Crossroads demon. Doesn’t matter. I’m fine.”  
“You are not fine. You’re still bleeding. And you’re obviously in pain. We need to get you to the hospital.”  
“No. No hospital. I’ll get over it; I’ve had plenty worse. Plus hunting doesn’t exactly come with health insurance.”  
“I don’t care, Dean. This is bad. At least let me clean up some of these cuts.”

The tears that had welled up in Emma’s eyes when she first heard Dean were now actively streaming down her cheeks as she took in his condition. There were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in days. His cheeks were drawn in, as if he had been losing weight. His breath was ragged and his legs were shaking, struggling to keep himself up.

“No. I’m fine.”  
“No. You’re not. And that’s the last that I’m going to say about it. Get your ass inside, Dean.”

He gave a sarcastic, half-assed salute before letting Emma drag him into her apartment. She cleared off her couch as she helped him sit down. She winced when he groaned in pain but she left him to settle as she got her first aid kit.

“What the fuck is a crossroads demon?” Emma asked as she used some rubbing alcohol to gently clean the multiple cuts on his face.  
“A demon. Who hangs out at crossroads,” Dean replied, managing his signature smirk despite the swelling of his face.  
“Yeah. I could guess that much. Why did it beat you to shit?”  
“Fucker broke free from my devil’s trap and wasn’t too happy that I’ve been on a demon killing spree. I caught whiff of a case a few weeks ago, demons coming to collect on their deals early, and I guess they didn’t appreciate me showing up.”  
“Jesus Christ, Dean. Is that where you’ve been? Hunting?”  
“It was the only thing I could think to do. After...After I hurt you, Em, I didn’t want you anywhere near me. I’ve done some shitty stuff in the past, hell I was a freaking demon at one point, but me hurting you...that was the worst thing I’ve ever done.”  
“You didn’t hurt me on purpose, Dean.”  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“Dean, I forgive you. I forgave you from the get go. It was an accident. That whole night…everything was a clusterfuck. And then you just left. That’s what hurt the most, Dean.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I know you are,” Emma said, letting her fingers linger on his cheek as she finished cleaning a cut. “But you need a shower, need to clean up a bit.”

Emma helped him shuffle over the shower and brushed off all of his sarcastic remarks as she helped him undress. She was still in shock that he was back, that he was right in front of her, but it pained her to see him like this. She could tell that he was fighting through the pain, trying to stay strong for her. He was trying to protect her even in his pain.

“You gunna join me, sweetheart?” Dean asked as the water ran down his back.

Emma hadn’t even tried to pretend that she wasn’t enjoying the view of his naked body, but she also knew this was one of those make or break decision moments.

“No. I’m not. I’m going to go get you some clean clothes from your place and then you’re going to get some sleep. Alone. I’ll sleep on the couch.”  
“Don’t be ridiculous, Emmy. I’m not letting you sleep on your couch.”  
“Yes. You are. And that’s final.”

Emma was ashamed to admit to him that she had started spending most nights on the couch over the past months. Not only did the bed hold too many memories of her time with Sam and Dean, but it had gotten lonely to once again sleep on such a large piece of furniture alone. She fished Dean’s keys out of his jacket pocket and headed over to his apartment, shocked at what she found.

The place looked like a war zone. His couch and coffee table were flipped over. A lamp was shattered on the floor and Emma could see where it had been thrown against the wall. She couldn’t tell if it had been thrown during a fight or only a fit. She didn’t want to know. What broke her heart the most was the shattered picture frame that held a picture of the two of them. Dean wasn’t a fan of photographs, she had learned, but she had forced him to take a selfie one day and had given him the framed photo as a gift.

She grabbed a pair of boxers and a soft t-shirt before heading back to her place, not being able to look at the mess anymore. She didn’t realize how long she had been gone, but when she came back she found Dean snoring softly in her bed, stark naked on top of the blanket. She moved her eyes up and down his body, her own body reacting to him once again being so close, but tore herself away after only a minute. She couldn’t help but smile to see him in his signature sleep position, his arms and ankles crossed tightly. When she had first started sleeping with him, it had been disconcerting, but she grew to learn that she would always wake up with his arms wrapped around her.

She found a spare blanket to toss over him before she laid down on the couch. She found herself focusing on his snores, snores she thought she’d never hear again. She tried to process how she felt, what she thought, but she couldn’t find the words. Dean was back. Her Dean. Her poor, broken Dean. The man she didn’t know if she’d ever see again was back, and in her bed. And yet, all she could seem to think about at that moment was Sam. 

She forced herself to close her eyes and try and get some sleep, knowing that they needed to have a long talk tomorrow. When she opened her eyes, the sun was shining bright through the windows and her neck was sore from how she had laid the whole night. She could hear Dean still snoring and smiled; she hadn’t dreamed it. But she had slept until almost noon.

As she started making a pot of coffee, she heard a knock on the door. She figured Ryan was coming to check on her, assuming she had spent yet another night at the bar, but what met her on the other side made her breath catch in her throat.

“Sam?”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song credit: Midland “Drinkin’ Problem”

Chapter Nine

“Sam?” Emma asked as she stood in her open doorway, suddenly very self-conscious of her shorts and tank top, staring at the tall man holding a bouquet of lilies.  
“Emma. Hi,” Sam said, his voice catching in his throat. “I know I don’t really deserve to be here, to talk to you, but I...I want to apologize. About everything...all of it.”  
“Oh, you mean like dumping me at the hospital and then bailing?” Emma asked without thinking.  
“I didn’t...I didn’t want to leave you, Emma,” Sam said with a sigh.  
“But you did.”  
“I didn’t deserve to be there, Em. Not when I was part of the reason you were there in the first place. I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t deserve you.”  
“Well you seem to be the one who made that decision without consulting me, Sam.”  
“I know. And I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for hurting you. For Dean hurting you.”  
“Did you leave me at the hospital because...because you wanted to come back and hurt Dean?”  
“I did. But I think we both walked away having taken as many punches as we dished out.”  
“I wish you hadn’t, Sam. It was all an accident. I know he didn’t mean to push me. I think the only one who really hurt me on purpose that night was you, Sam.”  
“I know. I...I’m sorry.”

Sam turned to leave and Emma felt the anger she had pushed back for the past several months rise up.

“If you think you get to knock on MY door and then walk away from me, you are sorely mistaken Sam Winchester. This conversation is over when I say it’s over. You owe me that fucking much.”

Emma was interrupted by Dean walking up behind her, having thankfully found the boxers she had laid out for him

“Sammy?”  
“You’ve got to freaking kidding me,” Sam said, his face tensing in anger. “I told you to stay the fuck away from her.”  
“No one gets to make that decision but me, Sam. And it’s not what it looks like. He stumbled in last night, beaten to shirt by some freaking demon. I made him stay the night after I helped him clean up.”

Sam glared at Dean, the fingers of his free hand curling into a fist. 

“He doesn’t deserve you, Emma. Not after what he did. Not after he hurt you.”  
“Again, that’s not your decision to make. I’m done with both of you making decisions for me. But you both owe me a conversation. At the very least. You both vanished, left me alone. Fucking disappeared with a god-damned poof and then show up at my doorstep within twenty-four hours of each other. If that isn’t a sign from God, I don’t know what is. So you’re both going to suck it up and be in the same room with each other. For me. Please.”

Emma could swear she heard Sam growl at his brother and made sure to stay in between the two until the situation calmed down slightly.

“Can you at least put some freaking pants on, Dean?” Sam asked, his voice and body tense.  
“Don’t have any. This was all she brought me,” Dean replied, goading his brother.  
“Stop it. Please,” Emma begged, looking between the two men, trying to find a moment of peace.

She ushered Sam into the apartment and the two men sat as far away from each other as possible, Dean on the couch and Sam on a stool in the kitchen. Emma stood between the two of them, trying to collect her thoughts. This was not how she had imagined spending her Saturday. In fact, she had planned on spending it in bed, imagining these two very men doing very wicked things to her.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you...I don’t know what led you to the point where you can’t even speak to each other anymore. I literally can’t even imagine the shit y’all have had to deal with in life, but all I know is it hurts me to see you two like this.”

Emma tried to keep her voice calm as she let the floodgates open. She had so much to say to these two men. As she took in both of their appearances, she suddenly remembered why she had fallen in love with both of the men, why she couldn’t bring herself to choose between the two of them. They were so different, yet so much the same.

“I love the both of you...so much...like I never imagined possible. But I can’t let you make me one more thing that comes between you. I refuse to become an excuse. You two have both literally been to hell and back apparently and if you can survive that, then I’m sure you can figure out how the have a civilized conversation. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that I’m just another thing dividing you; that I’m a part of that pain.”  
“It’s not your fault, Emma,” Sam interrupted.  
“I feel like it is. I feel like I made so many choices that hurt both of you. That hurt all of us.”

Emma hung her head in shame, because it was true. Regardless of what had broken their brotherly bond, she had been the catalyst that brought them together all those months ago. She had been selfish. She had been greedy. And she finally realized just how wrong she was.

“I’m not what either of you need. I’m...a bad decision. A bunch of bad decisions just waiting to happen. This...all of this... was a bad idea and should never have happened. It should have ended a long time ago, but not the way that you, both of you, ended it. I deserved better than that. I may not deserve much, but I deserved better than that. And I’m glad that we’re clearing the air, or at least I’m getting shit off my chest, but this...this is still over,” Emma said, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

Tears were falling down her cheeks as she realized that all of this had to end. Even though it was her apartment, she needed to leave, she needed to get away. She felt like she was suffocating, being in the same room as Sam and Dean. She grabbed a jacket and her purse as she headed for the door, both men silent, staring at her.

She looked back at the pained look on Sam and Dean’s faces and had to keep herself from sobbing. The pain she felt at this very moment was seemingly unbearable, but Emma knew it needed to happen. She loved both of them with her whole heart, but she realized how toxic this relationship was for all three of them.

“Goodbye.”

As she shut the door behind her, she heard the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting the wall followed by the sound of glass shattering and a string of curse words. Part of her hoped that either man would chase after he, try and make her change her mind, but she knew this was the right decision. This was what needed to happen, what was best for all of them, no matter how much it broke her heart into three pieces.

She wasn’t sure where to go, but she knew that Ryan’s boyfriend’s place was nearby and that was the safest place she could think of. She needed to get away from Sam and Dean. She needed to be reassured that she did the right thing. And she needed someone to hold her as she broke down.

\--

Emma had stayed at Ryan’s the rest of the weekend, grateful that she had long ago left several changes of clothes in his guest room. She explained what had happened, that Dean had showed up at her doorstep, beaten half to death (although she didn’t tell him what had worked him over), and that Sam had shown up the following morning. She told him about how even though she wanted nothing more than to be with both of them, she realized how selfish it was and, though it had been over for quite some time, officially ended it with Sam and Dean.

When she returned to her apartment on Monday evening after work, she found a cleaning crew clearing out Dean’s now empty apartment. She bit back the stinging tears and reminded herself it wasn’t her place to care where he was. He was free to do what he wanted, go where he wanted. She just hoped that wherever he was, he was safe. That Sam was safe too. When she walked into her apartment, she saw what had caused the sound of shattered glass she’d heard as she left; the frame with picture of her and Dean, the one that matched his own, was lying in pieces on the floor. 

Emma quickly delved back into the routine of work, gym, and barstool. Ryan was worried about her drinking, worried about his best friend spiraling downward, but his concern did nothing to make Emma slow down. In fact, one night, his insistence that she stop depending on the whiskey to drown out her problems motivated her karaoke choice.

“People say I got a drinkin' problem; that ain't no reason to stop. People saying that I've hit rock bottom just cause I'm living on the rocks. It's a broken hearted thinkin' problem, so pull another bottle off the wall. People say I got a drinkin' problem, but I got no problem drinkin' at all,” Emma sang, slurring the words of the Midland song after having already had her fourth drink of the night.

Usually karaoke was cathartic for her, was a way to release whatever she was feeling. But standing up there on that stage all she could feel was the pain. The pain of her boys leaving her, the pain of her pushing them away, the pain of knowing she’d never have that feeling again. She didn’t think anyone in the crowd was surprised when she walked off the stage at the end of the song and went straight to the bar for another drink.

“You know, you probably do have a drinking problem if you’re singing a song about people telling you you have a drinking problem, Em,” Ryan deadpanned as she got back to the table.  
“Shut it, Ryan. It’ll be a problem when I say it’s a problem. But seeing as right now whiskey’s the only thing keeping me warm at night, I’m going to keep it around for a while,” Emma said, slurring her words slightly.  
“I just worry about you, Em. You’re my girl and it hurts to see you like this.”  
“Well, Ryan, it hurts to be like this.”

Emma stared at her best friend, her face pulled tight. Ryan pulled her into a tight hug and assured her that it was going to be all okay, that she was going to get over Sam and Dean, that she was going to find her Prince Charming. Emma couldn’t seem to get him to realize she had already found her Prince Charming. And her knight in shining armor. Had already found her Sam. And her Dean. And lost both of them. 

Despite her many protests, a few weeks later, Ryan was determined to get Emma back in the dating scene. He ignored her arguments about it being too soon after a breakup, reminding her it had been over for quite a while already and that she needed to get back on the horse.

“Look, I know that S.A.D. was a shit show from beginning to end,” Ryan said, using his acronym for ‘Sam and Dean’ “but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there for you.”  
“There is someone out there for me, Ryan. There are two someones out there. And I fucked it up. I don’t want to find any other someones. I had my taste of the fish in the damn sea and now I’m done fishing.”  
“So I made a mistake hooking you up with Sam. Sue me. But don’t let that turn you into a nun. I won’t set you up with anyone, but why don’t you download Tinder or Bumble or something and just get out there.”  
“Because I’m fine, Ryan. I don’t need to ‘get back out there’. I’m not exactly known for making great decisions when it comes to dating anyways.”  
“It’s not your fault that Sam and Dean have pent up daddy issues or whatever. I mean dating two brothers is kind of really weird and I think I’ve been rather polite in not having asked you how you envisioned that working out in the future, but there is some only child out there that’s just as perfect for you.”  
“I don’t even know how I envisioned it, Ryan. I don’t know. I just know...knew...that I wanted to be with both of them. Maybe in some weird Brother Husbands situation? I don’t know; doesn’t matter anymore anyways.”

It took Emma another few weeks to give in and download Tinder, Ryan’s nagging having become relentless. As she swiped through her ‘options’ she couldn’t help but feel old; all of these guys were several years younger than her. The majority of them were still college students and Emma shuddered at the memory of the dating scene when she was in college. She didn’t even want to date anyone and here she was spending her Thursday night swiping through kids way too eager for a hook up.

After a solid hour of being asked by all her matches if she was ‘DTF’, Emma got fed up and headed out go to the bar. She hadn’t realized it was raining when she left, so she was even more frustrated when she arrived at the bar, soaking wet, to find someone sitting in her favorite stool

“You’re in my spot,” Emma said, not sure if she was joking or actually angry at the man.  
“I don’t see your name on it.” 

The stranger was attractive; Emma would grant him that. His blonde hair was perfectly styled, his eyes were a piercing blue, and he was dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a button down. But Emma really wanted her stool.

“Hey, Jen. Is this my spot?” Emma called to the bartender who she’d grown close to over the past several months.  
“Sure is, Emma,” Jen called back, smiling at her while she started preparing Emma’s whiskey sour.

The stranger chuckled and stood up to let Emma sit on the stool. She thanked him, and Jen, and quirked her eyebrow at the stranger when he didn’t leave.

“What?”  
“Well is this seat taken?” asked the stranger, pointing to the stool next to her.  
“Well seeing as one of the last guys who asked me that ended up breaking my heart, I kinda like it empty. But if you think you can live up to that reputation, I guess you can have it.”  
“Well, I’ll try my best, beautiful. The name is George.”

The two fell into a comfortable but shallow conversation. While she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, something about George didn’t feel right to Emma. It was as if he was too handsome, too charismatic. Nevertheless, it was nice to have a drinking buddy who wasn’t nagging her for once. It was nearly midnight when Emma realized she needed to get home, as she had work early in the morning.

“It was a pleasure, George. Thanks for not breaking my heart,” Emma said as she bid him farewell.  
“You haven’t even given me a chance yet,” George joked, following her out of the bar. “At least let me walk you home or something. It’s pretty late.”  
“Thanks, but no thanks, George. Have a good night.” 

Emma turned to walk away but felt herself pulled back with a tight grip around her wrist.

“What the fuck?”  
“I can’t let you leave, sweetheart. Not when I’ve finally found you.”  
“What the fuck are you talking about? Get off of me, you asshole,” Emma said, struggling against his grip.

Emma started to panic as George pulled her into the dark alley, a hand coming up to cover her mouth, stifling her cries for help. His grip was strong. Emma had only felt a grip so strong once before. Emma knew that he had to be a vampire and realized her kicks and punches would do no damage. His hand muffled her screams perfectly as he pulled her back to a van parked in the shadows.

“You see, Emma, my family have been looking for you for a while now. Well, not so much you, more so Dean Winchester, our favorite hunter extraordinaire. About a year back, he killed one of my brothers. My little bro decided he wanted to see the city and went off on his own for a week, only to never come home. Two of my brothers finally tracked his scent to this here alley, and caught the unmistakable Winchester stench, but I guess he got the jump on them too. And so me and my other brothers came looking. Found Dean’s apartment and caught whiff of what has to be the most intoxicating scent in the world. We’ve been looking for you for quite a while now. You smell so fucking delicious, Emma, and I am going to have so much fun feeding on you.” 

Emma stiffened, realizing that Dean wasn’t around the corner this time to save her. She was thrown into the back of the van, her heading hitting the side and she screamed as George slammed the door shut and started to drive off. She desperately tried to open the door, to escape, but it wouldn’t budge. George made a sharp turn, which threw Emma back into the wall of the van hard enough to knock her out. 

When she came to, she was tied to a post in what looked like an abandoned barn. George was sitting at a table across from her, but wasn’t alone. There were two other men sitting with him and Emma realized that George must have taken her to his nest. They all turned to look at her as she came to and she flinched as George bared his fangs to her.

“Meet my other brothers, Emma. We didn’t want to be rude, so we waited for you to wake up before we started dinner,” George said as he moved towards her.

Emma struggled against her restraints, the post digging into her shoulder blades. She tried to pull away as George leaned down to sniff her neck, but she couldn’t get far.

“We were also going to wait until Dean got here, but I don’t think I can wait much longer. I’m pretty hungry.”  
“Dean?”  
“Oh yeah, sweetheart. We used your phone to send him an SOS so he’d come chasing after you. I’m sure he’ll be here soon, he seemed pretty concerned based on his texts and voicemails, but he’ll just have to settle for being dessert.” 

Emma spat in George’s face, trying to get him to move away from her. It only served to anger him more and after taking a moment to wipe his face off, he dove straight towards her neck. Emma screamed as his fangs pierced her skin, fighting against the ropes tying her down as George began drinking her blood. As he pulled away, he licked his lips dramatically.

“You taste just as delicious as you smell. I could drink every drop, but I promised my brothers I would share.”

Emma struggled against her restraints again, her head slightly woozy from the sudden blood loss. She flinched when one of the other vampires started moving towards her, her lightheadedness making her vision blur.

“Y’know I didn’t believe George, but, I’ll be damned if you aren’t the sweetest thing I’ve ever smelled, sweetheart,” said the approaching monster.  
“Hey, asshat! I’m the only one who gets to called her ‘sweetheart’.”

Emma whipped her head around to see Dean standing over at the table. The other vampire’s body was slumped over, his head now on the ground the ground. George and his brother turned to attack Dean, their fangs glinting in the moonlight that was filtering in through the now open door.

“I’m getting really fucking tired of you fangs,” Dean threatened, brandishing his machete as he stepped closer to George.

Emma kept looking between her attackers and her savior. She knew Dean was more than capable of handling the situation, but seeing the way George was stalking around Dean, she was worried that Dean might get hurt. She screamed out when she saw George launch himself at Dean, but her worries were quickly quelled when Dean’s machete quickly found its target and took the vampire’s head off clean. Without even a pause, he swung the weapon again to kill the other vampire.

Dean dropped the machete before his final target’s head even hit the ground and rushed over to Emma. He took her head in his hands, checking to see if she was okay before ripping off his t-shirt and pressing it against her neck to stop the bleeding. Emma couldn’t find words to say, just stared at him as he used his free hand to reach back and undo her bindings.

“Are you okay, darling?” Dean finally asked, pulling her in close to his body. “Did you drink any of his blood?”

Emma’s only response was to sob and cling to his bare chest while shaking her head. He pulled her into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head as she cried for what felt like hours.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Let’s get you out of here,” Dean said as he pulled her up, helping her steady her legs. 

He checked her neck to make sure the bleeding had stopped and gave her a once over to check the rest of her. The skin on her wrists was raw from when she fought against the rope and she was sore, but otherwise in one piece. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and straightened her clothes before taking Dean’s outreached hand. He led her out to the Impala and they headed back towards the city.

“How...how did you get here so quick? I didn’t think you were in town anymore. I mean...you moved out; I figured you went back on the road,” Emma asked after half an hour of silence.  
“I moved out, but I never left. I guess I figured you didn’t want to see me around the building all the time, but I didn’t want to leave.”  
“Thank you. For coming to rescue me.”   
“That’s my job, darling.”

Emma gave a forced smile, the words stinging slightly. Of course he just saw it as another job. She had pushed him away and now he just saw her as another damsel in distress. She reached up to lower the visor, to check the mirror, and was shocked when the picture of her and Dean fell in her lap. She picked it up, touching the image of Dean’s face as she stared at it.

“You...you kept it.”  
“Yeah,” he said, swallowing hard. “I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, but I couldn’t just forget you, Emmy.”  
“Dean,” Emma said softly before pausing. “Is that what you think? That I just ‘don’t want you’ anymore? That I left and got over you? I left because I’m not good for you, not because you’re not good for me.”

Dean looked over at Emma, his face tense. She looked away, back at the smiling Dean she was holding in her hands, a single tear falling down her face.

“You’re more than good enough for me, Emmy. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I freaking love you, don’t you know that? I should have told you a thousand fucking times, but I was always too scared to. I’d never had anything...anyone I cared so much about before. Except for Sammy. And I’ve hurt you so fucking much, Emmy.”

Emma kept her head down, sobbing as she heard him say the words out loud for the first time. The words she had never told him before either. 

“I love you too, Dean. So much,” Emma finally responded, unsure of what she wanted to say next. “I am so sorry. I am so sorry I fucked it all up. I got so fucking lost in the fantasy of it all, of you and Sam, that I forgot about the flesh. And I hurt you. Both of you. I am so sorry Dean.”   
“You didn’t say anything that either of us didn’t deserve, Emmy. We didn’t exactly put you in the easiest of situations. I’m sorry for a lot of things I’ve done. But I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I’ll never be sorry for that.”


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Dean stayed with Emma that night at her apartment. He helped dress the bite mark on her neck, his touch gentler than she remembered. When they laid down to sleep, he held her close, his face buried in her hair. As Emma laid in the dark, she tried to make sense of what was happening. What this all meant. What this was all leading to. All she knew is what she wanted it to lead to. Even though she realized that she was never going to get the future she had imagined with both Sam and Dean, she knew that being in Dean’s arms once again was more than enough.

“Dean? Are you still awake?”  
“Hmm? Yeah, I’m awake.”  
“I’m not sorry I fell in love with you either.”  
“I know, darling. Who could resist me anyways?” Dean joked, turning her face up to look at him.  
“Do you think...do you think we could have a do over? You and I?”

His response was to lean down and kiss her. It wasn’t a hard kiss, but it represented everything the both of them felt and it was perfect. Emma’s breath hitched in her throat at the emotion that overcame her.

“I thought you’d never ask, Emmy. I thought you’d never ask.”

Over the next several months, the couple fell into a familiar routine. He had rented an apartment a few miles away but practically moved into Emma’s after a few weeks. Emma could honestly say she was happy again, even though she still thought about Sam often. And she still had the same fantasies of the both of them. But now, whenever they happened, Emma remembered what her grandmother had said and focused more on Dean, the flesh in front of her, than the fantasies of what she couldn’t have. 

And focus on the flesh she did. Emma felt like she couldn’t get enough of him, of his body, a fact which he was quite a fan of. She was also enjoying exploring a more adventurous side of their relationship and she had become quite a fan of the toys Dean introduced into the bedroom beyond just her vibratot. But one day she wanted to flip the script, take the lead, and decided to surprise Dean.

Emma was sitting on the bed in only a bra and underwear, Dean’s laptop open next to her, when he came home from work. As he looked up from locking the door behind him, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he finally registered what Emma was wearing.

“Well, hello to you too, sweetheart,” Dean said, his voice low, as he walked towards Emma.  
“Thought you could hide this from me, huh, darling?” Emma asked, making sure to keep her voice teasing and raspy.  
“Hide what from you, darling?”  
“Casa Erotica, huh?” Emma asked, turning the laptop around so Dean could see the screen of his laptop, trying to hold back her laughter, as she really had no problem with him viewing porn; she herself was a fan.  
“I can...I can explain that. You see, it’s an art form,” Dean said, trying to find words. “Wait are you going through my stuff now?”  
“Well, I was just going to sit here and wait for you, because I had planned on already having you naked on the bed by now, but then I found this and I guess you can say my plans changed,” Emma teased, the flashback of the night Dean found her vibrator running vividly across her mind.  
“And what are those plans now, minx?” Dean asked as he reached Emma on the bed and used his arms to cage her in.  
“Well at first I was kind of hurt. I mean, how can I compete with the lovely ladies of Casa Erotica? And then I realized that I have something they don’t.”  
“And what’s that, sweetheart?”  
“The ability to do this,” Emma said, her hand reaching down to grip Dean’s cock through his jeans with just enough pressure.  
“Jesus fuck. That...that is an accurate statement,” Dean managed to say, finding it difficult to think straight as Emma’s hand stroked him.

Emma brought her lips to Dean’s and continued to tease him while her free hand ran down her own sternum before dipping under the hem of her underwear. She moaned against his lips as her fingers danced over her clit, having been insanely turned on since she had started watching the porn an hour ago. Dean started to thrust into her hand, begging for more, but Emma wanted to tease him, keep him waiting.

She scooted back from Dean, her hand leaving his erection and she continued to rub her clit, putting on a show for him. Her now free hand moved to cup her breast, slowly pinching and pulling at her nipple until it showed through the lace of her bra. Dean stood at the foot of the bed, mesmerized by her, his eyes burning into her skin, trying to memorize the scene in front of her.

“Good lord, Emmy. That is so fucking hot,” Dean said, his hand reaching out to skim up her thighs, but Emma smacked it away.  
“Oh, nuh uh, Dean. You don’t get to touch. Tonight you just get to watch. You do like to watch, right?”  
“I’d rather touch,” Dean said with a wink and a smirk. “I’m really good at touching.”  
“Just consider me your own personal Casa Erotica, Dean. Live and in person.”

Emma exaggerated her movements and let out a cheesy moan as she continued to touch herself. Emma laughed as Dean groaned, knowing he’d finally figured out what a long night he had in store for him. Emma’s eyes followed his hands as he stripped off his own shirt, kicked off his boots, and undid his belt before sitting on the bed. Every time his hand reached out to touch her, she slapped it away, scolding him.

After she brought herself to orgasm, Emma rolled out of the bed and picked up Dean’s discarded shirt. She slipped it over her head as she walked towards the kitchen to start making dinner, leaving a very confused and frustrated Dean on the bed. She hadn’t heard him come up behind her and jumped slightly when his arms wrapped around her waist, his lips finding her neck.

“Where are you going, sweetheart? We weren’t done yet,” he said, his voice low.  
“Oh, sorry, your free trial was over. You need to subscribe if you want to see more,” Emma teased, reaching up to grab something from the top shelf of the cupboard.  
“And how would I do that?” Dean asked, his hands gripping her hips tightly as he pressed his hard erection into her ass.  
“I’m sure you can think of some ways. As an art connoisseur, you have to have seen something that will spark your imagination.”

Emma squealed as she felt herself being picked up and turned around to sit on the counter. She was always amazed at how easily Dean could manhandle her, picking her up without so much as a grunt or wobble. Dean pulled her into a hard kiss, finding his place between her open legs, and Emma ran her hands up his chest and over his shoulders. Her head fell back to hit the cupboard as Dean’s lips moved down her neck, her sternum, her abdomen, all the way down until his mouth was pressed against her clit. Even through her underwear she could feel his tongue and she groaned his named.

Emma threaded her fingers through his short hair as he tugged on the sides of her underwear to pull them down, using him to brace as she lifted her hips slightly to help him. Without a moment’s hesitation after the garment hit the floor, Dean’s mouth found her core. His lips, his tongue, his teeth teased her clit mercilessly while his hands ran up and down her inner thighs, making Emma’s body quake. She couldn’t help up let out a sharp yelp when Dean’s fingers moved from her thigh to bury themselves deep inside of her, and she knew her second orgasm wasn’t far away.

Dinner was all but abandoned after that as the pair moved back to the bed and spent the night teasing and toying with each other. And just like every Emma and Dean had sex, that night felt both so familiar and so new, as if they were getting the chance to start something fresh, the chance to cleanse the slate.

Emma’s parents were surprised when she told them she wasn’t bringing Sam with her to the next family weekend, but Emma saw the look in her grandmother’s eye as the Impala pulled into the driveway that let Emma know Marilyn understood. She hadn’t told Dean that she had also brought Sam home, didn’t feel it was necessary, and really hoped her brothers didn’t bring it up over the weekend.

Just like Sam had, Dean turned on the charm with her family and fit right in. He was more than happy to spend a Saturday getting work done around the property. When Emma finished mowing, she walked into the large garage to find Dean bent over the hood of an old truck, ratcheting away at something. She stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and admired his rear end for quite a while. She would never grow tired of just how well his jeans hugged his ass.

She was so lost in thoughts of taking those jeans off of him that Emma hadn’t noticed that he had turned to face her. She looked up when he finally cleared his throat, melting at the smirk on his face.

“See something you like, sweetheart?”  
“That depends.”  
“On what exactly?”  
“Oh, I don’t know,” Emma flirted, moving towards Dean.

When she reached him, she caged him in with her arms, backing him into the truck. Her lips met his in a hard, yet slow, kiss and his arms wrapped around her waist to pull her close. Her lips moved away from his mouth, kissing along his jaw. She loved how he tasted; the sweat from a hard day’s having clung to his skin. His hands slid up the back of her shirt, nails lightly scratching her skin as she bit down softly on the spot where his jaw met his neck.

His moan only encouraged her and she let her mouth continue to explore his neck. Dean was happy to take the back seat and enjoy the ride while Emma took control, so he resorted to merely tracing random patterns against her warm skin. Emma grabbed ahold of his belt loops and pulled his hips into hers, grinning against his neck when she felt how hard he was.

“Is that a wrench in your pocket, Dean, or are you just happy to see me?” Emma joked as her hand reached down for his crotch.  
“Oh, I am always happy to see you, darling,” Dean said with a smirk. “God, the things I want to do to you, you minx. I want to throw you in the bed of this truck and kiss every inch of your body. I want to fuck you until you can’t tell which way is up anymore. I want to...”  
“Em? You in here?”  
“Sonuvabitch. We’ll finish this later,” Dean muttered as he heard Emma’s brother calling for her.

The pair pulled away from each other and Dean shifted his legs, trying to hide his obvious arousal.

“Yeah, I’m in the garage. Just helping Dean with the truck,” Emma called out, smoothing her shirt back into place. “What do you want?”  
“We wanna pull up the tree stump. Can you still drive the backhoe?”  
“Of course! I’ll be right out there.”  
“You have absolutely no idea how hot the thought of you steering a backhoe is,” Dean whispered in her ear.  
“Why think about it when you can see it, pretty boy?”

Emma smiled over her shoulder as she walked away from Dean, making sure to sway her hips as she went. She didn’t miss that he stood in the doorway of the garage, his arms and ankles crossed, as she maneuvered the backhoe to the old tree stump. She also made sure the make some exaggerated and borderline pornographic movements when pulling the various levers to control the machine. She laughed when she looked over to see Dean hanging his head down, shaking it side to side at her display.

Dean kept true to his word that evening and finished what they had started in the barn. Emma couldn’t trust herself to be quiet enough, so when everyone was asleep, she practically dragged him outside to a patch of trees on the other side of the garage. She leaned against the trunk of the tree, pulling Dean in for a kiss. His hands found her hips almost immediately as he pressed his entire body into hers. 

Their kiss was hard, almost bruising and Emma wanted nothing more than to be naked, his skin on hers. As she moved to take her t-shirt off, she flinched as the rough bark of the tree scraped her back.

“Darling, that bark can’t be comfortable.”  
“I don’t care,” Emma panted. “All I care about is getting you naked. Now.”  
“I’m not going to let you scratch up that pretty back of yours, darling. Not when I’m the one who will have to hear you bitch about it for the next week.”

Dean chuckled at Emma’s determination before pulling her away from the tree and spinning them around so his back was against it instead. They quickly worked off each other’s clothes and Dean surprised Emma when he pushed her away slightly, bending down to lay their clothes down over the ground and roots of the tree. She raised her eyebrow as he slid down to sit on the ground with his back against the tree, but got the message when he held a hand out to her.

She straddled him, her clit pressing against his hard cock as she moved her lips back to his. He adjusted the clothes on the ground to give her knees more padding, but quickly turned his attention to her body. His hands moved up her sternum to cup her breasts, playing with her nipples just the way she liked it. Their tongues dueled for control, Emma making sure to sweep hers over his bottom lip and teeth as she kissed him. She moved her hand down to wrap around Dean’s erection and he groaned when she lifted her hips to slide back down on him.

Emma sat still for a moment, savoring the feeling of Dean being buried to the hilt inside of her, but she soon became impatient and rocked against him. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding onto her ass as she moved against him, his lips finding her neck. The pair quickly found their release, but stayed connected for several minutes afterwards. Dean continued to kiss up and down her neck, bringing her down from her high as Emma tried to catch her breath. As they parted and redressed, Emma gasped when she saw all the scratches on Dean’s back.

“Jesus. Why didn’t you say something, Dean?”  
“I was focused on other things, baby girl. Trust me. It’s going to take more than some tree bark to stop me from getting a piece of that,” Dean answered with a wink.

Emma hit his arm playfully before taking his hand and walking back to the house. The night air felt warm against her skin but Dean’s hand felt even better. She had wondered why she had ever thought that she could never be truly happy without Sam, because here, in this moment with Dean, she was perfectly happy and she wouldn’t change anything.

\--

The next evening they were digging into dinner when Emma’s fear came true. She was sure that her oldest brother didn’t mean any harm when he asked what happened to Sam, but Emma felt Dean tense up next to her.

“Can we please not bring up past relationships, Stuart? I mean, I’ve never brought up Stacy Alderman from high school, have I?” Emma asked, trying to divert the attention away from her.  
“Don’t shoot me. I was just wondering. I liked the guy. Plus, have you noticed that if you squint just right that Sam and Dean sort of look alike?”  
“Are you fucking kidding me? Will you just shut up?” Emma cried out, slamming her fork down.

Emma’s mother scolded Emma and her brother for their behavior, mostly Emma’s language, and the atmosphere around the table turned very tense.

“That would be because Sam is my little brother,” Dean finally said, breaking the silence with his signature smirk. “Bit awkward at first, but I guess she liked the original model better.”

His joke did little to clear the tension, but Emma smiled at him in thanks. Emma’s grandmother chose that moment to switch the topic to the birth of Emma’s soon-to-be-born niece and Emma was grateful for the distraction. She had lost her appetite and started picking at her plate, wanting to get as far away from the table as possible.

Dean helped her and her brothers clear the dishes before retreating out on the front porch. Emma followed him, but kept her distance, unsure of how Dean felt.

“So you brought him out here first, huh?”  
“Dean…”  
“No, it’s okay. Families did always like him more than they liked me. He’s a bit more…wholesome.”  
“That’s not what this is about, Dean. I don’t know...I don’t know why I chose him to come out here last time, but it’s not because I was embarrassed of you, or that I thought they wouldn’t like you.”

Dean dragged his hand down his face, shaking his head before looking away from Emma. She stepped closer to him, reaching out to touch his arm but he moved away before she could.

“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry, Dean.”  
“I know you are. But I guess...I don’t know...my whole life, I always put Sammy first. I always put his safety first. Hell, I literally gave my life for him several times. I guess I should have expected that everyone else would put him first too.”  
“That’s not what it was, Dean. I didn’t ‘put’ him first. You were out of town...on a hunt. So I brought Sam,” Emma said, stretching the truth a bit. “I’m putting you first now, Dean. You are the only one I’m putting anywhere. You’re the only one I want.”  
“I wish that were true, Emmy. I really wish it was.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“You talk in your sleep you know? Reminds me a bit of Sammy; he always lets out his secrets in his sleep. You call out his name all the time. Granted, my name is thrown in there just as often, but you definitely still dream about him.”  
“So you’re mad at me for what my subconscious does? Really?”  
“I’m not mad at you, Emmy. I’m just being real. Sam was your first choice. He was the ‘best date of your life’. He’s the one you want. I’m just runner up.”  
“You shut up right now, Dean Winchester. Sam is not my first choice. The whole reason this whole stupid thing blew up was because I had no first choice. I couldn’t choose. I want you, Dean. I want you more than I knew was possible,” Emma said, stepping to stand in front of Dean. “And...it would be a lie if I said that a part of me didn’t still love Sam, but I won’t apologize for that. Because even though that part exists, the rest of me loves you. Is happy with you. You’re my first choice now, Dean. I’m done with the fantasies. I want the flesh.”  
“What does that even mean?”  
“It’s something Gram told me. And I realized how true it is. Please. Please don’t be mad at me.”  
“I’m not mad at you, Emma.”  
“Then why won’t you look at me?”

Emma looked up at Dean, who was still looking out off the porch, staring off into the trees where they had spent the night before. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, begging him to look down at her, noticing just how tense he was.

“Because it hurts, Emma. All of this. My whole life, I’ve put Sammy first. It was my job to make sure that he was safe, that he didn’t get hurt. And I took you from him. I’ve hurt him before; Lord knows I’ve hurt him a thousand times over, but this was the first time that I took something from him, where I wanted to hurt him. And it hurts me that I did that. It goes against everything I’ve ever known. I’m supposed to protect him.”  
“You didn’t take me from him, Dean. That wasn’t on you. That was on him. Dean. Please. Please just look at me. I want this. I want you. I want us,” Emma begged as tears started welling up in her eyes.”  
“There should be no ‘us’. There should have never been an ‘us’. I’m so drawn to you, Emma. And it bothers the ever-living hell out of me. Because I can’t control it. I can’t, but I should. So, I’m going to walk away. I’m sorry, Emmy.”

Dean stepped away from her and tears started to fall down Emma’s cheeks as he finally looked at her. She didn’t know what was happening. She thought Dean was finally happy, that they were finally happy.

“The hell you mean you’re walking away?”  
“Can one of your brothers drive you back to the city?”  
“What? You are not leaving, Dean Winchester. You are not walking away from this. From me. You can’t do that to me, Dean. Please. You don’t get to be some kind of martyr,” Emma yelled, wrapping her arms around herself, finding it hard to keep standing. “I don’t want him, Dean. I want you. I choose you. All I want is you. I love you.”  
“I love you too, Emmy. But you love him too. And as much as it hurts me, I need to do this. For Sammy. I messed up so much with him; I ruined his life way too many times. So, I’m giving you back to him.”  
“I am not just some property that you can give to somebody, Dean. I’m not a fucking hot potato for you and your brother to play with. I am a fucking human being. I am the fucking woman who loves you. That you love. Please don’t leave, Dean. Let’s talk about this, work through this. I can’t lose you, Dean. Not again. Please don’t hurt me again, Dean,” Emma cried, her voice hoarse. “I’m not Lisa. You can’t just walk out of my life and make me forget you.”

Emma regretted the words as soon as she said them, as soon as she saw Dean flinch at Lisa’s name. Emma knew it was a low blow, especially since Dean had never even told her about Lisa. Emma didn’t even know why she had thrown that last bit in there. She knew it would hurt him, but she didn’t want to hurt him. She just wanted him to realize that he was supposed to stay with her.

“I’m sorry, Emmy.”

Dean stepped off the porch and headed towards the Impala. Emma wanted to chase after him, but her legs refused to move. She flinched when she heard the car door slam shut and the engine roar to life and she sobbed when he pulled out of the long driveway. She fell to her knees on the porch, crying out in anger and pain, her whole world spinning around her.

She was unsure how long she was out on the porch, but she was pulled back to reality by her grandmother’s hand on her shoulder. She was pulled into a tight hug, the older woman staying silent, letting Emma cry through the pain. Emma could hear her father shouting, dead set on chasing after Dean, but she begged him not to. Dean made his choice and she had to live with it. No matter how much it tore her in two.

Her oldest brother volunteered to drive her home, apologizing for bringing up Sam at dinner. Emma stayed silent the whole ride, staring out the window, wanting the night to be over. When she got home, she found that Dean had already come to collect his clothes that he kept there. He had taken everything except for the picture of them and her favorite of his flannel shirts, which she immediately wrapped herself in before falling into bed, her body succumbing to fatigue.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song credits: Patrick Swayze “She’s Like the Wind” and Celine Dion “All Coming Back to Me Now”

Chapter Eleven

Emma spent the next several weeks trying to figure out where exactly everything went wrong. She thought they were happy, that they were finally on their way to happily ever after. And then Dean decided to self-sacrifice for seemingly no reason, leaving Emma in the wake of the destruction.

She now clung even more desperately to the fantasies she had every night. They were once again the only taste she had of the two men she loved so much. But now, instead of waking up from them satisfied, she woke up more and more frustrated and even more heartbroken.

Ryan hadn’t been happy when Emma and Dean got back together, having never forgiven him for the whole staircase incident, but he was decent enough to not rub it in her face as Emma came to him crying. He recognized that it would do no good; Emma was hurting as is. He was just thankful that she didn’t drown herself in whiskey this time.

Emma slept most nights in Dean’s shirt, trying to hold on to the last thing she had of him. It didn’t even smell like him anymore, it having been so long since he wore it, but the soft fabric against her skin soothed her. She knew it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism, but she figured it was better than liver damage.

“Hey, it’s guilty pleasure night at karaoke. You should join us,” Ryan said, having called Emma on a Friday night about two months after Dean left.  
‘I don’t know, Ry. I don’t think I’m up for karaoke yet,” Emma replied, sitting on her couch wrapped up Dean’s shirt.  
“I’m not taking ‘no’ for answer. You need to stop holing yourself up in your apartment. You need to go do something fun.”

Emma finally relented, more so to get him to shut up, and headed to take a shower. Ryan was right; she had barely gone out since the night Dean left her. While after the last break up she dealt with it at the bar, this time around she had dealt with it by hiding away. When she was in her apartment, she still felt close to Dean, like he hadn’t left and he was just on a hunt. Whenever she left, it hit her that he wasn’t coming back.

Emma met Ryan outside of her apartment and they walked towards the karaoke bar. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, so she let him lead the conversation. She smiled weakly when he grabbed her hand and squeezed it and she promised to try and not be too much of a party pooper throughout the evening, but she made no promises. As they rounded the corner next to the bar, Emma stopped in her tracks when she saw an all too familiar person standing under the streetlamp.

“Ryan, what the fuck is Sam doing here?”  
“I...uh...kind of invited him. I haven’t seen him in a while and I thought it would be a fun night for him.”  
“You thought it would be fun? You thought bringing my ex along would be fucking fun?!” Emma seethed while trying to keep her voice down so the rest of the world wouldn’t hear. “You are fucking evil, Ryan. I can’t believe this; I literally can’t fucking believe this. You can’t just leave it alone, can you? I’m going ho-”  
“Hey, Emma,” Sam said, interrupting Emma.

She swallowed hard before looking up at Sam, unprepared for the wave of emotions that flooded over her as she did. Just looking up at him set her body on fire, sent her heart soaring into the heavens. It was the most pleasant but yet most painful feeling she’d ever experienced.

“Sam.”  
“It’s good to see you. You...you look great,” Sam said nervously, running his hand through his hair.  
“Thanks,” Emma replied, looking away from his burning gaze. “I...uh, I didn’t expect you to be here. Sorry.”

The conversation was awkward. It was painful. And Emma wanted nothing more than to leave, to turn around and run away. But Ryan kept a tight hold on her arm, keeping her from bolting. She smiled at Sam awkwardly before motioning to the door, wanting to get in and get a drink as soon as possible.

Ryan’s boyfriend was already inside, keeping a table ready for them. Sam offered to buy the table the first round and Emma thanked him, knowing it would only be the first of many drinks that night. When asked what song he planned on singing, Sam initially scoffed at the idea, saying he didn’t do like to sing, but finally relented after Ryan’s pestering. Emma still wasn’t sure what song to sing either; she had several guilty pleasure songs, but she between Dean leaving and Sam being here, next to her again, she mind wasn’t really in the right place.

She was about three drinks in when Ryan took the stage, riling up the bar with an off-tune rendition of Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance with Somebody. His energetic performance helped her loosen up a bit, but she was still very aware of the fire that was burning through her body as she stood so close to Sam. She was at the bar, ordering a round of drinks for everyone when Sam took the stage and she whipped her head around as she heard the intro.

“She's like the wind through my tree. She rides the night, next to me. She leads me through moonlight, only to burn me with the sun. She's taken my heart, but she doesn't know what she's done,” Sam crooned, his eyes meeting Emma’s before looking down.

Her legs were wobbly as she walked the drinks back to the table, her eyes glued to Sam as the sounds of soft saxophone filled the bar.

“I feel your breath on my face. Your body close to me. Can't look in your eyes. You’re out of my league. Just a fool to believe I am anything she needs. She's like the wind.”

Emma’s knees went weak as the song came to a close. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and she felt the sweat running down her back as the room suddenly felt too warm. There was no denying that Sam was serenading her with that performance, but she didn’t know what to make of it. What she wanted to make of it.

“Swayze, Sam? Really?” Ryan asked when Sam returned to the table.  
“Yeah. Dean always said that Swayze gets a pass,” Sam said with a soft smile, looking over at Emma as he fiddled with the label on his beer bottle.

Emma didn’t say a single word to Sam before she excused herself from the table, knowing exactly what song she wanted to sing now. Instead of returning to table to wait her turn, she slipped away to the bathroom. She needed to calm down, to collect herself. Being near him, so close to him, was almost too much to handle in and of itself, but him singing that song made it ten times worse. She slowly came to the realization that she was never going to being able to think straight if Sam and Dean were a part of her life. And she also realized that she was totally okay with that.

As she took the stage, her eyes searched out for Sam but couldn’t find him. She couldn’t help the sharp pain that radiated through her chest, thinking he had left without so much as a goodbye. It was what she deserved for disappearing after his song. When she caught Ryan’s eye and raised her eyebrow, he shrugged, having no clue where the tall man had gone. Emma sighed as the song started, still prepared to leave her heart on the stage, whether Sam witnessed it or not.

“There were nights when the wind was so cold, that my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window. There were days when the sun was so cruel, that all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever.”

Emma closed her eyes, letting the song take over. She knew her voice was nowhere near as spectacular as Celine Dion’s voice, and she knew she wasn’t doing the song justice, but it was what she needed in that very moment. What she needed to heal.

“I finished crying in the instant that you left and I can't remember where or when or how. And I banished every memory you and I had ever made...But when you touch me like this, and you hold me like that, I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me.”

Emma felt a single tear slide down her cheek as she sang and hoped that her voice wouldn’t crack with it. She was scared to open her eyes, afraid that her eyes would stay glued to Sam’s empty spot, but she poured her heart into the song nonetheless.

“There were those empty threats and hollow lies. And whenever you tried to hurt me, I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper. There were hours that just went on for days, when alone at last we'd count up all the chances that were lost to us forever. But you were history with the slamming of the door and I made myself so strong again somehow. And I never wasted any of my time on you since then.”

As she opened her eyes to see Sam back at the table, staring straight at her, her breath hitched in her throat. She couldn’t tell what the look in his eyes was, but his mouth was pulled tight and she could see him swallow hard. The rest of the bar around Sam disappeared from Emma’s view as she focused solely on Sam, trying to convey exactly she was feeling in that moment.

“If you forgive me all this. If I forgive you all that. We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me. When you see me like this and when I see you like that. We see just what we want to see all coming back to me. The flesh and the fantasies all coming back to me. I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now.”

Emma let go of the microphone that she had held with a death grip throughout the whole song, stepping off the stage before the song was even over. Sam moved to meet her halfway and pulled her into a deep kiss, his embrace so tight he lifted her off of the floor. After what seemed like years, they parted and Sam rested his forehead on hers.

“I am so sorry, Emma. I am so sorry for everything. I can’t live without you. I tried, but I can’t.”

Instead of responding, Emma pulled him back into a kiss, savoring his taste and the feel of his body pressed against hers once again. They were lost in their own world for several minutes until Ryan approached them, clearing his throat.

“Okay, love birds. I’m glad that my plan worked and y’all seem to have realized you’re made for each other, but you might want to get a room before they kick you out for public indecency,” Ryan joked, smiling wildly at the couple.

Emma gave her best friend a tight hug, whisper thanks in his ear, before taking Sam’s hand and letting him pull her out of the bar. Once outside, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, just like the first night they had met, and pulled her back into a kiss. 

Emma’s mind was running a million miles a minute. She tried to push her thoughts of the past and of Dean aside and throw herself into the kiss, but she realized she couldn’t and pulled back from Sam. The look of rejection on his face broke her heart.

“Sam. God, I’ve miss you, Sam. So much. But I don’t want to screw this up, not again. I think...no, I need...I need this to move slow. We have a lot we need to talk about, a lot of stuff we’ve been ignoring, we’ve pushed away. I don’t want to ruin this again. I don’t want to lose you again.”  
“I’m not going anywhere, Em. Trust me. I’m not making that mistake ever again.”

\--

Sam walked Emma back to her apartment, promising to meet her for coffee the next day. Emma wanted nothing more than to invite Sam in, but she knew that they had a lot to work through before they got to that point again. She wanted to come clean about Dean, about all of her feelings for both brothers. It was torture to send Sam away from her door, but the soft kiss he left her with reassured her that everything was going to be okay.

That night she fell asleep in Dean’s shirt one last time. She wanted to feel him close one last time before she finally closed that chapter of her life. It wouldn’t be fair to Sam, to her, if she didn’t. In the morning she packed up the shirt and the few pictures she still had around the apartment and headed towards the coffee shop, unsure of where the next few hours were going to lead her.

Sam met her outside of the cafe with his signature bouquet of flowers and all of the nerves Emma had went out the window. They found a table in a quiet corner and stared down at their drinks for a moment before speaking. Emma was the first to look up, her eyes moving over Sam’s face. His hair was a bit longer, tucked behind his ears as always. His normally hazel eyes were much greener today, which unnerved Emma at how much they looked like Dean’s. He looked tired too; there were new wrinkles around his eyes and dark skin underneath, as if he hadn’t been sleeping well for quite some time.

“How have you been?” Emma asked, finally breaking the silence.  
“I’ve been...good. Just, y’know, working a lot. How about you?”  
“About the same,” Emma said before pausing and completely changing the subject. “Sam, I have to be honest about something. I was...I was seeing Dean again. For quite a while. He...er...kind of rescued me from that nest and we got back together. And I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to you.”  
“I know.”

Emma looked at him, shocked at his response. She started nervously picking at her napkin, unsure of how to respond to that, as it was not what she expected.

“He called me. Left a message explaining everything. Said he was sorry, and that he never meant to hurt me or you, and that you were ‘all mine now’. I guess he was trying to do his typical martyr thing. I tried to call him back but he never answered. I guess I didn’t know what to do. You’re not just something that either one of us has claim over, and I thought you still didn’t want anything to do with me. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t hoping you’d be there last night when Ryan invited me, but I had no idea. No idea that you still had any feelings for me.”  
“Any feelings for you, Sam? I’m freaking in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you. And I screwed things up so badly. And I hurt you. I thought you were the one who didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, not after I pushed you away.”  
“What happened? Between you and Dean?” Sam asked, frowning as a tear welled up in Emma’s eyes. “Nevermind, you don’t have to answer that.”  
“No. I do. I owe you that much. I...uh...I brought him to meet the family and you came up at dinner and then Dean kind of just shut down. Said that he had spent his whole life trying to protect you, that he had a duty to protect you, and that meant giving me up. He said that he never meant to hurt you. Said something about literally dying for you, which I figured had something to do with hell or whatever, but he pretty much said that he was no good for me and that it was over.”  
“Em, I’m sorry,” Sam said, reaching his hand to lay on top of hers. “I am so sorry that we...that I ever hurt you. What I asked of you, when I asked you to choose, was unfair. I had no right. I love you, but that gives me no right to ask you to make that choice. To put you in that position. To hurt you like that.”  
“I was the one who broke the flesh, Sam. I’m sorry.”  
“What?”  
“Sorry. It’s something my Gram said to me. Said that I needed to step back from the fantasy of it all and focus on the flesh, on what’s real, what’s in front of me. And you’re in front of me, Sam. And I know we still have a lot to work through, but I’m willing if you are. I love you, and I want to be with you.”  
“I want to be with you too, Em.”  
“So, where do we go from here?”  
“I’m not sure. Maybe start back at the beginning?” Sam answered with a smile.  
“Well, I can do that,” Emma said as she squared up her shoulders and stuck her hand our for him to shake. “Hi, I’m Emma. It’s nice to meet you.”

They spent the rest of the morning catching up, trying to make up for lost time. Sam had started at another firm after leaving Engels and Miller and they worked him just as hard. He hadn’t dated anyone else in their time apart, which secretly made Emma happy, even if it made her a hypocrite. When they parted ways hours later, they made plans to have dinner later that week. Sam had moved in to kiss her, but Emma hugged him instead, reminding him that she needed to take this slow.

In fact they took it so slow that it was almost two months later before Emma found herself on her bed, Sam on top of her. She had held out as long as she could, but being near him over the past few weeks had been intoxicating. They had just returned from another karaoke night, Sam becoming quite a fan, and Emma wasn’t sure if it was the whiskey or her performance that had turned Sam into a near rabid animal. This week’s theme had been the 90s and Ryan dared Emma to take on the Bloodhound Gang’s The Bad Touch and she put her everything into her performance, trying to get a laugh from the crowd. What she got instead was Sam’s erection pressing into her thigh as he kissed down her neck.

Even though so much time had passed since the last time they’d been together, Sam still knew exactly where to kiss, where to touch, to set Emma’s body on fire. As she arched her back up into his touch, he slid an arm behind her to pull down the zipper of her dress. When the zipper reached the bottom, his hand moved to squeeze her ass so hard Emma wondered if she’d have a bruise the next day.

“Hey, Apollo, watch the merchandise would you?” Emma teased, running her hands up his bare chest.  
“You know what that name does to me,” Dam growled before pulling the dress off her body, leaving her in nothing but her underwear, the same strappy hipsters she’d worn the first time they’d ever slept together. “Jesus Christ. I forgot how good you look.”  
“Says the man carved from Grecian marble,” Emma teased, remembering their first time together, pulling him down on top of her on the bed.

Emma shrieked as Sam grabbed her hips and flipped her over so she was straddling him. Emma leaned down to kiss and lick down his chest, loving how his body reacted to her touch. She paid attention to how his breath became unsteady, how his hips bucked, and how his eyes closed with every new spot she touched. She loved having so much power over him, knowing she was the only one who brought him to this pleasure.

Her fingers reached his jeans and slowly started to undo the button and zipper. Her mouth moved to where his erection was still trapped in his jeans and her tongue pressed against the obvious bulge. 

“I’m not going to last long if you do that,” Sam begged, pulling her back up so his lips could find hers.

Emma moaned as his hands found her bare breasts, pressing her hips forward, seeking any kind of friction she could. She pushed his jeans and boxers off down to his knees and wrapped her fingers around his cock, stroking it softly while her mouth kissed along his jaw. With her free hand, she moved the crotch of her underwear aside before lifting her hips and sliding down onto Sam’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” Emma managed to say, the feeling of Sam inside of her taking over her every thought.

Sam’s growl spurred her to move and her hips started rocking back and forth on top of him. She wasn’t sure if she was going to last long herself as she desperately needed some kind of release, and Sam must have been reading her mind because his thumb found her clit, rubbing it like it was all he knew how to do. Emma cried out his name, her fingernails digging into his chest as he pushed her close to the edge.

“That’s it, baby. Come for me. Come on my cock,” Sam said with a groan, trying to hold back his own orgasm. “God, I fucking missed this. I missed being buried inside of you.”

He started to thrust up to meet Emma’s hips and it only took a few thrusts before she was thrown over the edge of her orgasm. She clung to Sam as she rode the waves of pleasure and she smiled widely when she felt Sam reach his orgasm too. The air around them was warm and thick with sweat, but Emma didn’t plan on moving anytime soon as she laid her chest down onto Sam’s. His arms came to wrap around her waist as his lips kissed her forehead and Emma began tracing random patterns on his chest. Sex with Sam had been everything she remembered, everything she wanted, and she still couldn’t believe she had him back.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

A year later, Sam and Emma were still happy. She had moved into his apartment when her lease was up, sad to leave the apartment she’d shared with Dean, but excited for what it meant for the future. She hadn’t heard a word from Dean since he left her on the porch at her grandmother’s but she still thought of him often. She hoped he was safe, that he was as happy as she was with Sam.

She also couldn’t lie and say that she didn’t still fantasize about him. Even though Sam met her every need in the bedroom, her subconscious still craved Dean’s touch. And sometimes both his and Sam’s at the same time. She spent many nights dreaming of the two of them touching every inch of her body, bringing her near unimaginable pleasure. But she would always just remind herself to focus on the flesh.

Sam and Emma’s relationship was everything she had dreamed it would be. Both of their jobs were demanding, but they still found time to keep their relationship strong. They often talked about having kids in the future and Emma realized she wanted that sooner than later. She knew that Sam often wondered if he was cut out to be a father given his own childhood, something that he still didn’t talk much about, but she wanted nothing more than to give him everything he wanted. But even though she wanted more now, she was willing to stay on his timeline, to not rush him.

She was in the bathroom getting ready to go out and meet Sam for dinner when her phone chimed, letting her know Sam had texted her.

‘I’m running late at the office. I am so sorry. I’ll meet you at the restaurant? Wear the red dress. - Sam’

It wouldn’t be the first time Sam was late, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. And she couldn’t complain, because she too had been late to dinners, especially after her recent promotion. But she had secretly been hoping to have dessert before dinner that night. She’d been turned on all day after spending the night in another fantasy that had her bent over a sawhorse and at the will of Sam and Dean.

Emma smiled as she grabbed the red dress Sam was talking about from the closet. It was the one she was wearing the night that they had finally slept together again, one that Sam always told her to wear when he had something wicked planned. She still had a half an hour before she needed to actually put it on and head out the door, so Emma decided instead to lay down on the bed and have dessert for one.

She let her fingers tease her nipples and move down her sternum before she was interrupted by another text message.

“And don’t have any dessert without me. I’ll take care of you; don’t worry. - Sam’

Emma groaned as she threw the phone down on the bed. Sam always seemed to know what was going through her mind, even from across town. And she knew there was no way that she could trick him, because he could always tell when she’d had a little fun with her vibrator. Could always tell when her skin was a little too flush, her mood a little too relaxed.

The next half an hour was torture for Emma, but she was glad when it was time to head towards the restaurant. She was confused by a knock on the door and was surprised to see a strange man in a suit standing outside.

“Can I help you?”  
“Ma’am, I am your driver for the evening. Mr. Winchester asked me to make sure you got to the restaurant tonight.”  
“Thank you, but I don’t need a driver. I’m sorry for the confusion, but I can drive myself,” Emma replied, perplexed as to why Sam would send a driver.  
“He said that you’d say that and asked that I merely remind you that he’ll take care of you.”

Emma was about to reply when she was interrupted by another text message.

“Yes, I know you can drive yourself. But please, do this for me. I’ll see you soon. - Sam.’

She laughed as she read the message; Sam really did know her like the back of his hand. She still had no clue why Sam would hire a driver for her, but she figured there was no point in fighting it, even if she was slightly nervous about it all. The driver led her outside to a sleek, black car and Emma thanked him as he helped her in the back seat. There was a glass of champagne waiting for her and she drank it quickly, hoping to calm her sudden nerves.

The drive to the restaurant was short and Emma was confused when they pulled up and the sign on the door said the restaurant was closed. The driver wished her a good night before Emma could say anything and he pulled away, leaving her on the curb. She was trying to fish her phone out of her purse to call Sam when the door of the restaurant opened and the host stepped out to greet Emma.

“Ma’am, if you’ll follow me please. Your dinner is ready.”  
“What is going on? Are you closed?”  
“The restaurant has been reserved for the evening, ma’am. I believe your date is already inside waiting for you.”

Emma gasped as she stepped inside the restaurant. The lights were turned down low and the candles on all the tables were lit. The only other person in the room was Sam, who was standing next to a table with a massive arrangement of lilies. Sam’s signature. His hands were in his pockets, as they always were when he was nervous, but he was smiling brightly at her as she approached her.

“Sam, what is all of this? What is going on?” Emma asked before being pulled in for a soft kiss.  
“I wanted to give you a night you wouldn’t forget, Emma. I wanted to take care of you. Would you please join me for dinner?”

Emma laughed as Sam gave a fake bow before pulling out a chair for her. He sat across from her, taking her hand in his as a waiter stepped out to fill their wine glasses. Emma looked around the restaurant, trying to remember if she’d missed an anniversary of some sort, of what would make this date so special.

“Sam, I’m still so confused. Am I missing something?”  
“No, you’re not, babe. I wanted to do something special for you, to show you how much I love you. Is that illegal?”  
“Yeah, you could have done that with a pint of Halo Top and a bottle of moscato, Sam. This, this is over the top,” Emma said, waving her hands around before Sam grabbed them in his again.  
“It’s exactly what you deserve, Emma.”

Emma didn’t notice that Sam had waved the waiter away, but was very aware when he moved his chair to sit closer to her. He still held one of her hands firmly in his, his other coming up to brush back a stray piece of her hair. She searched his face for some answers, some clarification, and she saw in his eyes that he was nervous about something.

“Emma,” Sam started, swallowing nervously, “I told you almost two years ago that...that I wanted it all. I want a family, the whole shebang, and more importantly, I told you I wanted it with you. And that is even truer today than it was then. I never had any idea that someone could be as happy as I’ve been since you’ve been in my life, Emma. I never thought I was going to find that, that I deserved that, but you’ve given me that and so much more. I love you so much, Emma.”  
“Sam, I love you too,” Emma responded, suddenly very aware of what was about to happen and she was trying to keep her own nerves in check. “I love you so much.”  
“I sometimes feel so selfish, knowing how much you’ve given me...how much I hurt you. But I want to be selfish one more time. I want you to spend the rest of your life with me. Emma, will you marry me?” Sam asked, pulling a ring out from his pocket.

Emma froze as Sam asked her the question, but not in fear. She froze because this moment was so perfect that she wanted to remember it for forever. When she realized she was taking too long to answer, that Sam’s eyes were searching hers desperately, she leaned forward and kissed him. She pressed her lips tight against his, hoping that she could convey just how much she loved him in that one kiss.

As they pulled apart, Emma looked down at the ring in Sam’s grasp. She couldn’t help but smile when she realized that it was the exact one she had bookmarked on her computer months ago when she had spent a drunken night dreaming of her perfect engagement. And somehow Sam had managed to top even her dreams.

“You always do your research, don’t you, Sam Winchester?” Emma asked with a giggle.  
“I figured if you’re the one wearing it, you might as well be the one who picks it out. I hope you don’t mind that I snooped a bit to find it.”  
“Not at all. Not at all,” Emma said, a tear sliding down her cheek as Sam slipped it onto her finger. “Why are you so perfect, Sam? How do I even deserve you?”  
“I ask myself that every morning when I wake up with you next to me,” Sam said before kissing her again.

The waiter stepped back into view, apologizing for interrupting as he set their plates down. Emma realized Sam had ordered her favorite dish for her, but all she had on her mind was dessert. But she also knew that she wanted to savor this moment, that she wanted to remember it forever. She watched as the light from the candles danced across Sam’s face as he ate, watched as his eyes lit up whenever he caught her gaze. Her eyes traced over his jaw, his arms, his chest as she tried to burn this night into her memory.

The waiter brought out a bottle of champagne with dessert which Sam used to toast to their future. And Emma could picture it perfectly. A house in the suburbs, a couple of kids chasing a dog around the yard, a love that would last for forever. And in that moment, she’d never wanted it more.

After they finished their food dessert, Emma was surprised to hear the music turn up. Sam stood and asked her to dance with him, and Emma was instantly reminded of one of their first dates, when he had taken her to a tango class. While that felt like a lifetime ago, it also felt like it had been just yesterday. As they danced together, Sam holding her body close to his, she couldn’t help but think back to everything they’d been through.

Meeting Dean. Meeting Sam. Falling in love with both of them. Losing both of them; pushing both of them away. Finding happiness with Dean. Losing him. And then finally finding Sam again. And in that moment, as they swayed to the music, she knew she’d never lose him. 

After sharing a few dances, Sam asked Emma if she was ready to go home. He led her outside to where the valet was waiting with his car and they shared a quiet drive home. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. They just didn’t feel there were any more words that needed to be said.

However, once they were back inside of their apartment, there were many things their bodies needed to say to each other. Sam pressed Emma’s back into the front door almost immediately after it closed and his lips found hers. As their tongues danced together, Emma ran her hands up Sam’s chest to cup his jaw while Sam’s hands grabbed onto her waist.

Emma kicked off her heels, increasing the height difference between the two. Her breath hitched in her throat as Sam lifted her up, pressing her against the door. Her dress was far too tight for her wrap her legs around him, something she knew he knew. Instead, he reached down to wrap his arm under her knees, the other staying behind her shoulders and picking her up in one smooth motion. His lips never left hers as he carried her through the apartment to the bedroom.

As he set her back down on her feet, Sam turned Emma around so he could pull her zipper down, his lips kissing every inch of newly exposed skin. He pulled the dress off of her shoulders and off her hips, leaving Emma standing in only her garter belt and thigh highs.

“Jesus Christ, Emma,” Sam groaned, resting his forehead against the small of her back as he realized she hadn’t worn any underwear that evening. “You’re going to be the fucking death of me.” 

Emma turned around as Sam stood up and started to work on unbuttoning his shirt. His hands started running through her hair, his eyes roaming over her body in a way that still set her on fire. When she finally pushed the shirt off of his shoulders, she bit her lip as she took in his chiseled chest. She ran her hand over the various scars he had, still not knowing the story behind the majority of them, but appreciating that they were a part of him, a part of her fiance.

Sam’s hand cupped her jaw, tilting her head up to kiss him once more. While the kiss was urgent, it was still soft, loving. It conveyed everything that Sam and Emma felt for each other. He helped her lay back on the bed gently, crawling on top of her. Emma spread her legs, which Sam took as an invitation to bring his thigh to press into her crotch and Emma moaned at the touch. 

“Sam. Please. I need you,” Emma begged, her hands roaming over his back.  
“I know, babe. But I plan on taking my sweet time with you.”  
“We have all night for that. Please. I need to feel you.”  
“We have our whole lives for that, love,” Sam said with a smirk before bringing his lips back to hers.

Emma arched up to press her chest into his and gasped when Sam pushed her hands over her head. He used one of his own to hold them in place and used the other to run his fingers from her jaw down to her hip, moving so slowly Emma considered it torture.

“You look so fucking sexy as my fiance, Emma,” Sam growled as Emma pressed down onto his thigh. “The things I’m going to do to you.”

Emma’s eyes closed as she felt Sam’s lips wrap around one of her nipples and she fought against his grip, trying to free her own hands. She knew that she wasn’t strong enough to break free, but she desperately wanted to touch him, to taste him. She felt his hand move from her hip towards her core and threw her head back when his fingers expertly found her clit.

“Sam,” Emma groaned.  
“Yes, babe?”  
“I need you. I need you inside of me. Please don’t make me beg.”  
“But I love it so much when you beg. I love when I can drive you crazy. I love that I know exactly where to touch you to have you screaming out,” Sam teased, doing exactly that.

Emma cried out his name as she felt his fingers slide into her, his thumb now firmly planted on her clit. His mouth returned to her chest, peppering it with kisses as his fingers pushed Emma towards her orgasm. She rocked her hips in time with his hand, desperately needing her release. 

“Oh. God. Yes. Right there, Sam. Right fucking there. Don’t stop.”

Emma felt Sam’s smile against her chest and prayed that he didn’t plan on teasing her too much that night. She needed her release too badly. The combination of Sam’s fingers and mouth were bringing her there fast and before she knew it she was hurtled over the edge, her body tensing and writhing as her orgasm overcame her.

By the time she came down from her high, Sam had gotten his pants off and was climbing back on top of her. She grabbed onto his shoulders as he slid inside of her, thrusting her hips to meet his. His eyes met hers and they held each other’s gaze as Sam continued to thrust into her. Her hands moved down his arms and back, trying to memorize his body in this very moment, while his stayed anchored next to her head, trying to keep his weight off of hers.

“I’ll never get enough of you, Emma. I can’t believe you’re mine.”  
“I’m all yours. All yours,” Emma panted, her breathing uneasy as she neared her second orgasm of the night.  
“Are you close?” Sam asked, wanting to push her past that edge before he found his own release.  
“Yes. I’m so close, babe. Come for me, please. I want to feel you.”

Emma’s words spurred on Sam’s thrusts and Emma pulled him down to kiss her as she felt her orgasm rip through her body. Sam tensed on top of her, his thrusts faltering, as he found his own release. He tried to keep his weight off of her, but his arms gave out and he fell down on top of her. Emma savored the feel of his skin on hers, her hands running up and down his back as they tried to calm their breathing.

“If I’d know that engaged sex was so much better, I’d have asked you a year ago,” Sam joked, rolling off to the side but pulling Emma close to them.

They spent the rest of the weekend holed up in their apartment, relishing in the feeling of being together, of being engaged. It would have been a lie if Emma said she didn’t think about Dean once the entire weekend, but when she had, it was just to hope that he was happy for her, that he was happy for them.

\--

Emma had never wanted a large wedding. She had always planned on having a small ceremony out on her grandparents’ property, underneath her favorite tree, with only their closest family and friends with them. And while that’s an easy enough affair to plan, and even though Emma wanted nothing more than to have the future she dreamed of, Emma suddenly didn’t want to rush the engagement.

A part of her wanted to savor the feeling of being engaged, of this next step in their relationship, but as the months passed, Emma also started to think about Dean more and more. It wasn’t fair to Sam, and she knew it, but she couldn’t deny that a part of her still loved Dean. Would always love Dean. 

She had been open about it with Sam throughout their relationship, and he had grown to understand. They had discussed their past relationships extensively, a conversation which was difficult at first, and they’d both come to terms with the fact that Dean would always be a part of their lives in some form.

For Sam, it was the years they’d spent together hunting, the sacrifices they’d made for each other throughout their lives. For Emma, it was the memories of their dates, their apartment, the Impala. And the fantasies.

Emma’s fantasies were becoming more and more frequent. And less and less did they feature Sam and Dean together. Dean had become the main character of the majority of her fantasies. In fact, her fantasies had pretty much become a way for her to relive her nights with Dean. The Impala, the tree, the bar bathroom. She was more than happy with her and Sam’s sex life, but her subconscious craved Dean’s touch.

It was Ryan who finally got Emma to start planning the wedding. At lunch one day, when she had confessed that Dean was the one of the major hold ups, he slapped some sense into her. Reminded her that her getting caught up between the two men had been what destroyed their relationship the first time around. And he had her reiterate the words her grandmother told her. Fantasies are nice, but the flesh can be broken. Emma need to focus on the flesh, and not the fantasy.

Emma’s grandmother was more than happy to help plan the wedding. They chose a date in early June and her grandmother got busy planning decorations and a simple home-cooked menu. As Sam and Emma set out at making a guest list, Emma realized how little family Sam really had. Aside from a few coworkers and former classmates, he didn’t have anyone to invite. She had brought up the idea of inviting Dean a few times, her heart skipping at the idea of seeing him once again, but was shot down every time.

“Are...are you sure you don’t want to invite Dean, babe?” Emma asked one night over dinner.  
“Do you want to invite him?”  
“That’s not what I asked, Sam. You always say no, but you never say why.”  
“Because I don’t want him there, Emma. And not just because of his history with you. I don’t want him there because I don’t want to spend our wedding day with a reminder of all the shit I’ve done in my life. All the…everything I’ve been through. I want it to be a celebration of our life, of the life we’ve built, of us. I don’t want it to be a day where he gets to rub it in my face that he was the martyr again, that he sacrificed what he wanted for me.”  
“I understand, Sam. I do. We won’t invite him,” Emma said, trying to keep the disappointment in her voice from showing. “It’s just, so much of my family is going to be there and I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing anything. It’s supposed to be our day. Both of us.”  
“You are my family, Emma. You and your grandmother and everyone else are the only family I want, the only family I need. I don’t need Dean there. The only person I want, that I need there is you.”

Emma decided not to bring up the subject again, knowing that Sam would never change his mind. She tried her best to push her thoughts of Dean aside, to focus on her wedding and her future with Sam. Before she knew it, she was in her old bedroom at her grandmother’s house and Ryan was helping her into her wedding dress.

It was a simple dress, which was what drew Emma to it. It was soft, white lace over a silk sheath dress with a modest, strapless neckline. It was perfect for the setting, perfect for her to marry Sam in. Ryan left to go get Emma’s father, leaving Emma looking in the mirror, smoothing out her dress. As she fiddled with the lace overlay, she heard a noise that she knew all too well, one that she’d never forget. The Impala.

She rushed to the window and saw the black car pull up the dirt driveway, kicking up a cloud of dust in its wake. Before she could even think, she was running down the stairs and threw open the front door as Dean stepped out of the car.

“You really think you should be wearing white, sweetheart?” Dean teased with his signature smirk as he walked up, only to stop at the bottom of the porch steps.  
“What...what are you doing here?”  
“Sam invited me. Said you wanted me here. I thought I’d stop by to wish you two lovebirds good luck on your married adventure.”

Emma stared blankly at Dean, unable to move, to say anything else. He was just as handsome as she remembered. Despite it being a warm, June afternoon, he still wore his jacket, his well-worn in jeans, his scuffed up brown boots. His hair was slightly longer than the last time she’d seen him, but not unruly. His jaw was covered in two days’ worth of stubble, just the way that Emma had always liked it.

Emma was torn away from admiring him by the sound of her dad rushing out onto the porch.

“What the hell are you doing here? Trying to crash my baby girl’s wedding, huh? Breaking her heart once wasn’t good enough for you?”  
“Dad. It’s okay. He was invited. I…Sam wanted him here.”  
“I don’t. He left you on this here porch, crying your damn eyes out. I should’ve known he was no good when he showed up.”  
“No worries, sir. I’m not staying long. I just came to tell Emmy that I’m happy for her. Congratulate her on finally getting Sammy to settle down,” Dean said, starting to back up towards the Impala. “I don’t want to cause any trouble.”  
“Dean. Wait,” Emma cried out. “I don’t want you to leave.”  
“I…Truth be told, I don’t think I can stay and watch this, Emmy. I don’t think I have it in me. Today’s about you and Sam, not me. I just figured that sending a card wouldn’t be enough, so I wanted to say it in person. I’m happy for you,” Dean said, looking down at his feet, cluing Emma in on the fact that he was still hiding something.  
“Please. Don’t leave. Stay. Stay for me,” Emma said, stepping forward towards Dean, just to find herself held back by her dad. “I’ve missed you. And there’s a lot of stuff we still need to talk about. Please don’t leave.”  
“You’ve got other things going on, swe…,” Dean said, stopping himself from calling her one of her favorite pet names.” “You don’t need to worry about lil’ ol’ me. Go marry the sasquatch.”  
“So now you’re too good to talk to me? You think you can just keep walking back into my life and then just walk away whenever you want? That’s a pretty dick move, Dean, even for you,” Emma said, her voice cracking as she said his name.  
“I guess it’s what I do best,” Dean tried to joke, his smirk faltering as his eyes looked down to the ground.  
“Funny, ‘cause I thought giving a shit about me…or Sam… was what you did best. Guess there were a lot of things I got wrong.”  
“It was good seeing you, Emmy. I’m glad that you’re happy, that Sammy’s happy. You two deserve each other and I wish you all the luck in the world,” Dean said as he opened the door of the Impala. “You look great, Emmy. You really do. The most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

Emma tried to hold back her tears as Dean peeled out of the driveway. Her dad pulled her into a tight hug as Emma tried to focus on not ruining her mascara instead of the part of her heart that was driving away. She didn’t know what she felt in that moment. Seeing Dean had both made her heart feel full, and broke it at the same time. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she instinctively wanted to find Sam.

She pulled away from her dad and ran towards the guesthouse where Sam was getting ready. Before she could reach the door, Ryan stepped out and stopped her in her tracks.

“Emma? What do you think you’re doing out here? What do you think you’re going to accomplish?”  
“I need to talk to Sam. I need to see him.”  
“Does this have to do anything with the Impala I just saw pull out?”  
“Of course it fucking does, Ryan. Why wouldn’t it have something to do with Dean? It’s always has something to do with Dean. Or Sam. Or both of them. It kind of always will have something to do with them because I love both of them,” Emma said, flustered as she tried to get around Ryan. “I just need to talk to Sam.”  
“And tell him what? It better be that you’re over his brother and can’t wait to marry him today, because if you break that man’s heart, Emma, I swear to God…”  
“I’m never going to be over Dean, Ryan. I love him. I love Sam. I love both of them.”

Ryan pulled Emma into a tight hug, trying to calm her down. She realized that Ryan was right; she had no idea what she wanted to accomplish by talking to Sam. She knew she still wanted to marry him, more than anything in world, but part of her was afraid that he wouldn’t want to marry her anymore if he knew just how torn up she was about seeing Dean.

“Emma. The flesh. Focus on the damn flesh. Not Dean. Focus on Sam. The man that’s just past the door, frantically rewriting his vows for like the eighth time because he thinks that they’re not good enough for you. The man who loves you more than I’ve ever seen anyone love anyone else. Focus on him. You march your ass right back into that house, fix your damn makeup, and prepare to marry the love of your life.”  
“I am focused on him, Ryan. I am marrying him today, Ryan. That’s not changing.”  
“You’re not focusing on him as long as you’re thinking about that Impala driving away. Emma, I love you, but this needs to be said: you need to get over yourself. You have spent the last few years in this messed up, tangled up love triangle and it’s done nothing but hurt you. And hurt Sam. Dean made his choice; he left you. He didn’t want you. But Sam does. Lord knows that man thinks you hung the fucking moon, so do him a favor, do yourself a favor, and get over Dean.”  
“You’re right, Ryan. You’re always right,” Emma said, sighing in defeat. “Thank you, Ryan. What would I do without you?”  
“Drink a lot more whiskey, that’s for sure.”

Ryan kissed the top of her head before sending her back to the house. Emma was working on fixing her mascara when her grandmother walked in.

“Oh, baby girl. You look so beautiful.”  
“Thanks, Gram. I’m almost ready. Just needed a quick touch up.”  
“Well, when you have a second, I’d like to give you your gift.”  
“Oh Gram, you didn’t have to get us anything. You’ve done more than enough helping plan all of this. I can’t accept a gift from you.  
“You can and will, young lady,” the older woman said in a tone that told Emma the decision was final.

Emma moved to sit next to her grandmother on the bed. The older woman gently touched the lace of Emma’s dress, smiling softly.

“I remember the day I married your grandfather. It was such a simple, but such a beautiful day. I know you’ve seen the pictures.”  
“I have. You were so beautiful, Gram, and Gramps was so handsome in his uniform.”  
“You remind me a lot of myself, Emmy. You’ve always been so strong, so determined. And you found yourself a great man. I know that getting to this point hasn’t been easy for you, but I am so happy that we’re all here today and we get to be a part of your day.”  
“Thank you, Gram. I love you.”  
“I love you too, baby girl. Which is why I want to give you this gift. I’ve loved a lot of things in my life. Your grandfather, your father, your brothers, you, this house. All of it. I have surrounded myself with things I love. But I know I can’t hold on to them for forever. Before your grandfather passed, we had had a long discussion about what we wanted to happen the house after we were gone, and we both knew we wanted it to go to you.”  
“What?”  
“We know you’re the youngest, but this house has always meant so much more to you than your brothers. Most of my memories from the last few decades involve you running around the front yard, swinging on the swing set, jumping in the pond. And your grandfather and I had so many good years in this house that we knew we couldn’t just let it be sold. So, we want to give it to you. To you and Sam. So you can make just as many memories as your grandfather and I did.”  
“Gram, what are you talking about? You can’t give us your house. You live here. This is yours.”  
“I can, baby girl. Don’t you worry. Your dad helped me buy myself a little condo closer to the city a few weeks back. We think it’ll be better for me; I’ll be closer to everyone and won’t have to worry about maintaining the property anymore. Which means this place will be empty and means it’s going to be all yours.”

Emma didn’t know what to say. All she could do was pull her grandmother into a tight hug, thanking her repeatedly. She would have never been able to dream that this would happen, that her grandmother would give her such a gift. She had grown up loving this house almost as much as she loved her own, and now it was going to be hers. Hers to share with Sam, her husband.

“You’re very welcome, baby girl. Now, we’ve got a wedding to get to, don’t we?”

Emma followed her grandmother down the stairs, where her father was waiting for her. He pulled her into another tight hug, telling her how beautiful she looked and how happy he was for the couple. Emma managed to sneak a glance out the window and saw Sam standing under her favorite tree on the whole property, a giant oak. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking back at the house, hoping for a glance of his bride.

“You ready, baby girl?”  
“I’ve never been more ready, Dad. Let’s go get me married.”

The walk from the porch to the tree was maddeningly slow to Emma. Seeing Sam smile at her so brightly made her want nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms, to feel his lips on hers. Her father led her up the dirt aisle, that one Emma and her brothers had created through their years of running through the trees, but Emma couldn’t see any of the guests or any of the decorations as she was so intently focused on Sam. She realized this was finally the moment, the moment she had dreamed about, that she had fantasized about over two years ago when she met Sam. And for once, Dean was the furthest thing from her mind.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of fertility struggles

Chapter Thirteen

A month later, Emma and Sam were taking a break from moving into the house to christen the dining room. She was bent over the table, his chest pressed against her back as his hips met her ass in rough thrusts. The fingers of one of his hands were intertwined with hers, their arms stretched out above their heads, while the other was expertly working her clit, trying to push her over the edge. Emma’s body was sore from packing and moving, but she savored the feeling of his weight pressing her into the table, of his thrusts pushing her against it.

She had lost count of the number of rooms they had christened, quickly getting over the fact that it was her grandparent’s old home. She and Sam hadn’t had a chance to go on a honeymoon, but that didn’t mean they weren’t enjoying the perks associated with the time period. Sam had practically enacted a no pants rule the first week, which Emma quite enjoyed when Sam ran out of clean underwear. She argued it wasn’t her fault she had forgotten to do laundry that weekend.

But at that moment she didn’t care about laundry. She cared about the feeling of Sam’s cock filling her, his hips pushing hers into the edge of the table in a way that she was sure was going to cause a bruise but she relished in the pleasurable pain. Between his breath on her back and his fingers working over her clit, she knew it wouldn’t be long until she found her release.

“Come with me, Sam. Please.”

Emma smiled at the groan she got in response. Sam adjusted his hips slightly and each stroke of his cock brushed up against her G-spot. Before she knew it, Emma was thrown over the edge, her body tensing as she cried out Sam’s name. Her legs were shaking as she came down from her orgasm, trying to stay upright long enough for Sam to reach his own orgasm. The moment she felt his thrusts falter before pressing into her as deep as possible, his release overtaking him, her legs gave out.

When the pair finally managed to catch their breath, Sam sat down on one of the chairs, pulling Emma onto his lap. She leaned her back against his hard chest, her fingers running up and down the forearm wrapped around her waist.

“I think we’re going to have to get a new table before we invite your family over for dinner,” Sam joked.  
“With that logic, we’d have to get a new couch, new front door, new kitchen counter. We can’t afford to do a whole home renovation, Apollo.”  
“I know.” Sam said with a chuckle. “Guess I’ll go find the bleach and scrub it down real good.”

When Emma had told Sam that her grandmother had gifted them the house, he was shocked. He was reluctant to take such a gift, but Marilyn assured the newlyweds that it was what she and her late husband had wanted. Sam had told Emma long ago that the closest thing he’d ever had to a house, to a home beyond his apartment with her, was a bunker in Kansas that had something to do with an old fraternity his grandfather was in. Knowing this, Emma was more determined than ever to make the house the home Sam deserved.

She had worried the commute would be too much for him, but Sam reminded her that he had spent his childhood on the road and being in a car didn’t bother him. Emma had decided to quit her job, wanting to instead focus her time on maintaining the property and connecting with the community. She had plans to expand the garden to the point where she could sell produce at the local farmer’s market. She was excited for the opportunity to get out of the office building setting and back to the land where she had spent so much of her childhood.

“So...think we made a baby that time?” Sam teased, tickling Emma’s sides, making her squeal.

They had decided they didn’t want to wait to have kids. It was both something they wanted and they realized they were ready for it. And now they had the house, the perfect place to raise them. 

“Seeing as I only got off birth control a couple weeks ago, I doubt it, Apollo. But who knows; maybe you do have god sperm or something,” Emma joked, standing up to find her clothing.

She slid on her underwear, but instead of grabbing her shirt, she put on Sam’s. Not only was it more comfortable, but it meant that he’d have stay shirtless for a little longer. Even after all this time, Emma’s legs still went weak whenever she saw Sam’s body, something she hoped would never go away. She only hoped that he would feel the same way about her after she got pregnant a few times.

That night, Emma thought about Dean for the first time since the wedding. She was laying in bed next to Sam and couldn’t fall asleep. It felt strange to her to be sleeping in what she had always considered her grandmother’s room. Sam reminded her it was their room now, but it still made Emma uneasy. Sam was laying on his back, his chest rising softly as he slept and Emma couldn’t help but stare at him.

Her eyes traced over his jaw, his nose, his cheekbones, his eyes, his neck, his chest. And as her eyes swept over every feature, she couldn’t help but compare them to Dean. While they didn’t look much alike, Emma could see a piece of the other in each of them. She didn’t know what had brought Dean to her mind, but she knew there was one question she had to ask, she needed to ask, if she was going to get any rest that night, even if it meant waking up her peacefully sleeping husband.

“Sam?” Emma asked, touching his chest softly, trying to wake him up.  
“Mmmm...yes, babe?”  
“Why did you invite Dean to the wedding?”  
“What?” Sam asked, sitting up a little bit. “How...how did you know? He wasn’t there.”  
“He showed up. Said he didn’t want to stay, but wanted to let us know that he’s glad we’re happy.”  
“Oh. I thought I had heard the Impala but I didn’t see him,” Sam said before pausing. “I invited him because I thought you wanted him there. You had kept asking about inviting him.”  
“I wanted him there for you, Sam.”

Sam went silent, staring up at the ceiling. Emma could see his mind racing at a million miles per hour, but wasn’t sure what to say, what she could say to get him to calm down.

“I just don’t want you to think that I wanted him there because I wanted to see him, Sam. I don’t want you to think that I needed him there for some reason. The only person I need, the only person I want, is you. I wanted him there because I want you two to be able to work past whatever pushed you apart. I want you two to be brothers again.”  
“I know, Em. I know you want us to be close, but I just can’t. There’s too much that’s come between us. He was my soft spot for too long, but now it’s you. You’re my soft spot. And whenever I look at him, whenever I think of him, I just see him hurting you. Pushing you down those stairs. And I can never forgive him for that. I can’t even forgive myself for it. Maybe I could have forgiven him for everything else, but I can never forgive him for that.”  
“But I’ve forgiven him for that, Sam. I’ve forgiven you for hurting me that night too. I’ve forgiven both of you. Why can’t you forgive each other?”

Sam didn’t answer, rolling over on his side instead, ending the conversation. Whenever Emma tried to discuss what had happened that night, Sam got defensive. It had taken her a while to realize that it was because he was the first one to hurt her that night, and that he wasn’t proud of it. 

Emma didn’t feel like laying in bed. Ever since she was a little girl, when she couldn’t sleep while at her grandparents, she would go out to sit out on the porch. As she sat on the porch swing, letting it rock her back and forth gently, she stared at the steps where she had seen Dean for the last time. She tried to come to terms with the fact that she might not ever see Dean again, a thought which led to a single tear sliding down her cheek.

She had no idea how long she stayed out on the porch, but she eventually came inside and fell asleep on the couch. That night was the first night since the wedding that Emma fantasized about Dean, that she dreamed of his body on top of hers. And as she woke up, covered in a light sheen of sweat, she hoped it wouldn’t be the last time she did, because it was her way of seeing him one more time.

\--

Emma was having a bad day and she felt bad that she was taking it out on Sam, but she couldn’t help it. Not only had the lawn mower broken down first thing in the morning, her garden was suffering due to the lack of rain and she was pretty sure the air conditioner was going bad. Plus, she had started her period that morning, which wouldn’t have been so bad, if she and Sam hadn’t been trying for over a year to get pregnant.

Every pregnancy test that turned up negative and every new box of tampons that Emma had to buy chipped away at her soul bit by bit. Sam tried to remain optimistic, telling her it would happen when it was meant to happen, but Emma couldn’t help but wonder what she had done to piss karma off so badly.

“I said ‘red potatoes’, Sam. Not russet. RED. Damnit. Now dinner’s ruined,” Emma yelled as she threw a pot down on the stove.  
“Babe, I’m sorry. I can run to the store and get the right ones. It’ll be okay,” Sam said calmly, trying to soothe her.  
“No. It won’t Sam. It won’t be okay. You can’t get the right potatoes and I can’t get pregnant. Nothing is going to be fine,” Emma said, her voice cracking as she started crying.  
“Em. It’ll happen. I promise.”

Sam wrapped his arms around his crying wife, kissing the top of her head as he tried to calm her down. Emma clung to his shirt, sobs ripping through her body as she struggled to remain upright. Sam picked her up gently and carried her over to lay on the couch. As he knelt down beside her, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“How about we make an appointment with a doctor, babe? He can reassure us that everything will work out and that we’ll be pregnant soon enough. I know you want this so bad, Em. I do too. I do too.”  
“I want to give you this so badly, Sam. I want to watch our kids run around the yard. I want to watch you read them bedtime stories. I want it so bad it hurts, Sam.”  
“I know, Em. I know. I promise it’ll work out. I’ll make sure it does.”

The next week, Sam took a day off work to go with Emma to a fertility specialist. They explained their frustrations at not being able to conceive and were sent home with an armload of pamphlets and a schedule full of future appointments. Emma obsessed over the different appointments and tests and every time she didn’t hear something back right away, she freaked out, thinking something was wrong. Sam tried his best to reassure her, but Emma could tell that even he was starting to worry.

After a long day in the garden, Emma came in to find a bouquet of lilies on the dining table. She looked around for Sam, confused because he had said that it would be another late night at the office. When she couldn’t find him anywhere downstairs, she headed upstairs where she found another bouquet on her bedside table with a note sitting next to it.

‘Come join me, beautiful.’

Emma was confused at the message, unsure of where she was supposed to join Sam. As she turned to leave the bedroom, she heard the unmistakable sound of water sloshing around in the bathtub. She pushed the door open slowly, smiling when she saw her husband sitting in the bathtub, his arms stretching out towards her.

One of the first renovation projects they had undertaken when they moved in was installing a tub large enough for Sam’s tall frame, and Emma had never regretted it once. One of her favorite pastimes was to soak in the water with her husband as they talked about their days. Sam was also grateful that they renovated the shower so he could wash his hair without doing squats.

Sam said not a word as Emma undressed, his eyes doing all the talking as they raked over her whole body. He helped her step into the tub and then pulled her down to sit against him. His chest felt so warm against her back, but the hands that were moving up and down the outside of her legs felt like fire.

“When did you get home?” Emma asked, her own fingers moving over Sam’s thigh.  
“About ten minutes ago. I wanted to surprise you. I know tomorrow is a big day so I wanted to help you relax,” Sam answered, his lips finding the shell of her ear.

His breath on her skin sent a shudder down her back and she dug her nails into his thigh. She had spent the whole day telling herself to not think about the doctor’s appointment they had the next day, but it had been futile. Her mind had been racing and this bath was exactly what she needed to relax. She’d lost track of how long they soaked together that night, but Sam holding her, kissing her neck and rubbing her head softly, reminded her just how lucky she was, how she already had so much.

Emma’s leg was shaking nervously as they sat in front of the doctor’s desk, waiting for him to enter the room. Sam’s hand was grasping hers tight, trying to get her to calm down, but Emma could tell he was just as nervous. They had spent the night before just relaxing, not bringing up the appointment once. After their bath, Sam made dinner while Emma relaxed on the couch, and they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, ready to face the next day.

Emma jumped slightly when the doctor knocked on the door and couldn’t keep her eyes off of him as he sat down. He started the appointment by reviewing all the different tests Sam and Emma had gone through, explaining their purpose and importance, but the words barely penetrated Emma’s ears. All she cared about were the results. All she cared about was when she could get pregnant and give Sam the family he deserved, that they both wanted.

“Mrs. Winchester, I am so sorry, but the tests indicate that it is highly unlikely you will ever conceive or be able to carry a child to term. You have a malformation of the…”

Emma stared at the doctor as her world came crashing down around her. Sam squeezed her hand tight, but it barely registered in her mind. She could hear the doctor still speaking, could hear him explaining why she would, why she could never be a mother, but all she understood was the word ‘sorry’ playing on repeat. Everything else just did not compute, did not translate in her mind.

Emma’s breathing became labored as she became dangerously close to hyperventilating. There were tears flowing freely down her cheeks, but she couldn’t feel them. She couldn’t feel Sam pulling her into his arms. Couldn’t feel him kissing the top of her. Couldn’t hear him telling her just how much he loved her.

She didn’t register the walk to the car. Didn’t register the drive home. Didn’t register Sam carrying her up the stairs and holding her in his arms as she cried. All that registered in her mind was the fact that the one thing she wanted, the one thing she wanted to give Sam, was never going to happen.

Sam called the office and told them he needed some time off of work, that he needed to spend time with Emma. That she needed him. She spent the first day after the appointment crying. She spent the second day silently staring out the window as she sat on the couch. And she spent the third day apologizing to Sam. Apologizing for failing him, for being unable to give him what he wants.

“I am so sorry, Sam. So sorry.”  
“Emma, you have nothing to be sorry for. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m the one who’s sorry. You’re hurting and I don’t know how to help you.”  
“I wanted this so bad...you wanted this so bad. I wanted to give this to you so bad. I can’t give you what you want, Sam. I feel like such a failure. You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted and I can’t give you what you want,” Emma said, her voice cracking as the tears started again.  
“You’re what I want, Em. You know you’re the only thing I want. We have other options; we can still have kids,” Sam said, pulling Emma close to him, trying to keep his own tears at bay. “This isn’t the end of the road, babe. We’ll still have our family. I promise.”  
“It feels like the end of the road.”

And to Emma it did. For years now she had envisioned her future with Sam and their kids. She had already named them in her mind. She couldn’t even fathom a future without little Sam look-a-likes running around. And while Sam kept saying that they had other options, that they could adopt or try surrogacy, Emma knew that it would never be enough. She would always feel like she failed to give Sam something he wanted. Like she had failed him.

On the fourth day, Emma tried to make herself forget. She woke up early, before Sam even, which never happened, and went to work in the garden. She spent the whole day in the sun, working herself until her legs were too tired to keep her upright. And even then, she kept working. She worked her frustration out on the dirt, on the earth. Her frustrations over losing out on her future, her frustrations over failing Sam. She even worked out her frustration about Dean. About how he had driven her back to Sam, pushed her towards this future where she was a failure. She worked out her frustration until Sam begged her to come inside. 

That night despite how fatigued she was, she couldn’t sleep. She slipped out of bed, making a pit stop on her way down to the front porch. She stepped into the guest room, her old room, the room that was supposed to be the nursery, and walked to the closet, pulling a box down from the top shelf. At the very bottom of the box filled with some of her favorite memories was a soft, flannel shirt; Dean’s old shirt. She hadn’t meant to save it all this time, but she could never bring herself to throw it away. She put the box back and wrapped herself up in the shirt as she headed down the stairs.

She was surprised to see Sam sitting on the porch swing, waiting for her.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Emma asked.  
“I could ask you the same thing.”

The air between the couple was tense. Emma knew she wasn’t being fair to Sam, that none of this was his fault, but she had no one else to take it out on. She had barely said a word to him over dinner, unsure of what she even wanted to say. He had been so patient, so loving, over the past few days, but Emma didn’t feel like she deserved it.

As she stood in the doorway, she was suddenly very self-conscious about wearing Dean’s shirt. She had packed it away in the other closet so Sam wouldn’t know that she had kept it. 

“You always come out here when you think of him, y’know,” Sam said, breaking the silence.  
“What are you talking about, Sam? I come out here to just think in general. It’s where I’ve always come to think.”  
“Then why are you wearing his shirt?”  
“I don’t...I don’t know. I just felt like I needed it, I guess,” Emma said sheepishly as she played with the hem of the shirt, avoiding his gaze.  
“You needed him, you mean?” Sam asked with an obvious edge in his voice. “You say his name in your sleep all the time y’know.”  
“So, you’re going to hold my subconscious against me too?” Emma asked harshly. “I don’t need anyone but you, Sam. I don’t need him anymore. I haven’t needed him in years. But these past few days...they’ve broken me, Sam. I feel so broken. I feel like a failure. I feel like karma has finally come back to haunt me for hurting you, for hurting him, so many times. It’s punishing me because I was selfish. It’s punishing me so I can’t give you want we want, what you want. I keep getting stuck on the fantasies, on what could be, and this time the flesh got burned. I got burned. Hard.”

Emma felt Sam’s arms wrap around her, holding her close. He wiped away a tear from her cheek, trying to get her to look at him.

“They’ve broken me too, Emma. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to fix it. And it’s killing me. This hurts more than literal hell. I feel like the one who is failing you. I promised you everything was going to be okay, I told you it was going to work out. And that was a lie. I wanted to believe it so badly, but I hurt you. Again. I promised myself I never would, but I did. And I don’t know how to make up for it. And I’m worried that I’m not enough for you, that you still need him. I’m worried that I’m going to lose you.”  
“You could never lose me, Sam. You’re my flesh. You’re all I have.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song credit: Taylor Swift “Style”

Chapter Fourteen

A few weeks later, things had finally calmed down for Emma. She and Sam had spent that whole night sitting on the porch swing, talking about what their future looked like now. They discussed their fears, their hesitations, their hopes.

They had discussed their options, but Sam understood when Emma said she wasn’t ready to consider adoption or surrogacy yet. That she needed time to really process the news of her infertility. She knew she was far from healed, but she also knew with Sam by her side, she’d get there eventually.

He had been gone all week at some sort of conference and Emma was glad to have him home, to be wrapped in his arms again. They were laying on the couch, watching whatever outdated rerun happened to be on TV when Emma’s heart stopped. She knew that sound; she knew that sound all too well.

She stood up so quickly it almost made her dizzy and looked out the window to see the Impala pulling up the driveway. She turned to look at Sam, confused as to why Dean was there, but even more confused by the smile on Sam’s face.

“What…what is Dean doing here?” Emma asked, her voice shaking as Sam walked up to her.  
“I asked him to come.”  
“You what? Why would you do that?”  
“Because…Because I realized that you have given me everything I’ve ever wanted. You have put your heart and soul into giving me everything, and I wasn’t doing the same for you. I was selfish, Emma. I wanted you all to myself, but I realize that that’s not fair. You’ve given me so much, Em, and I returned the favor by pushing away something...someone you love. And I realized if I truly want to show you how much I love you, that may mean I have to share you.”  
“Sam. What are you talking about? Share me? You invited Dean here so you could play some kind of game of hot potato with me?” Emma asked, even more confused than before. “You have given me everything I want, Sam. I’m happy with just you and me, with this life we have here.”  
“But you could be happier. I want you to be happier. I’m sorry for taking that away from you. For keeping you from being completely happy. Now, get outside. He’s waiting for you.”

Emma couldn’t do anything but stare up at Sam, wondering what kind of monster had replaced her husband. She’d heard the stories of shapeshifters and demons and was thoroughly convinced that the man standing in front of her, the man leaning down to kiss the top of her head, wasn’t her husband.

“Stop thinking so much, beautiful. I promise it’s me; I can go get a knife and holy water if you want. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m still your husband; I’ll still always be your husband. I just want you to be as happy as you make me, Em, and I know that means Dean,” Sam said, reading her mind like only he could do.

Sam all but pushed her out the front door but Emma stopped in her tracks when she saw Dean standing against the Impala with his arms crossed. She still found it hard to believe that the man in front of her was about to turn forty; he looked way too good to be that age. Sure he had more wrinkles, and he wasn’t as in shape as he was in some of the old pictures Emma had seen, but he was still one of the most handsome men she’d ever see.

“Miss me, darling?” Dean asked, his face breaking out into a smile.  
“That depends.”  
“On what?”  
“Your cologne,” Emma replied with a soft smirk.  
“Well, I promise you, this is still all natural, baby.”

Emma was afraid to walk any closer to him, choosing to stand on the porch steps instead. She was unsure of what this all meant, what Sam had meant, why Dean was here. But she did know that a small part of her, a part that she hadn’t even realized she was missing, felt slightly less empty. After the stress of the past few weeks, Dean’s mere presence was a hundred times more comforting than his old shirt.

“I owe you an apology, Emmy. I owe you a lot of apologies.”  
“Yeah, you do. You and I don’t exactly have a good track record with me standing on this porch and you standing in the driveway. I’d say we’re kind of ‘oh for two’ on that one.”  
“Maybe we can fix that? You don’t owe me anything; heck, I probably don’t even deserve your time right now. But Sammy hunted me down this week and told me that he and I needed to hash things out, that we needed to work past all of our shit. Said that you needed us to be ‘fixed’ so that I could come ‘fix’ you and me,” Dean said, stepping forward so he was less than a foot away from Emma. “Said that shit you used to always say, that he’d been caught up in the fantasy of his future with you, that he let the flesh get hurt, that he hurt you. And I know I did the same thing. I did the same exact thing when I had my shot with you, and I’ve never regretted anything more, Emmy. I am so sorry.”

Emma stood silent as she tried to understand what all Dean was saying. Her heart was beating hard enough that she could feel it in her toes and her breath was unsteady as she tried to take it all in. Sam had done this for her, had sought out Dean for her. Had brought him back for her.

“Look. Apologies have never been my thing. But Sammy once told me that apologies aren’t always about being right. Sometimes they’re about just apologizing. So this is me, starting to apologize for all the times I’ve hurt you. For everything.”  
“Well, for someone who sucks at apologies, you’re doing a decent job. I’d give it a solid seven out of ten,” Emma managed to say, her lips curling up into a smirk.  
“I see you’ve still got jokes, darling. God, how I missed you.”

Dean closed the gap between the two and Emma felt something she thought she never would again. Dean’s hand gripped the back of her head and pulled her in for a hard, bruising kiss. It took Emma a moment to respond, to kiss back, but when she did, it felt like she was finally complete. Like that little piece of her that had been missing was finally back where it belonged and she was whole again.

“I’m a married woman, y’know,” Emma teased as their lips finally pulled apart.  
“Don’t worry; I got a signed permission slip,” Dean said with his signature smirk.  
“So...how does this all work? What does this mean?”  
“Like I have any idea. The girls I go for...they usually have ex-husbands, not ones they’re still married to,” Dean said, earning himself a playful smack on the chest. “Plus Sammy’s the one who does the research. I’m more of the kiss first, ask questions later kind of guy.”

When the pair walked into the house, they found Sam sitting at the dining table with a beer, having tried to give them some privacy. Emma let go of Dean’s hand to go over to her husband, walking into his open arms. Sam pulled her down into his lap, bringing his lips to her forehead as she leaned into his chest.

“Thank you, Sam,” Emma said, unable to come up with any better words.  
“Anything for you, Em. Anything.”  
“So this is how the other half lives, huh?” Dean asked, his eyes scanning the house from the other side of the room. “I’m happy for you, Sammy. I really am.”  
“Thanks, Dean. That means a lot,” Sam replied, holding out a beer for his brother which he happily accepted.  
“So, how does this work, Sam? I mean, what exactly is happening here? Where do we go from here?” Emma finally asked, unable to wait any longer.  
“Well, I’ve look into it,” Sam said, earning him a chuckle from Dean, “and a lot of people say to just do what feels right for us. So I was thinking, maybe...maybe we could turn the guest room into Dean’s room? And then kind of go from there? See what feels right? I can’t say I’m well versed in the lore of sharing your wife with your brother.”  
“The worst part of that is I’m sure the bunker actually has a book on that,” Dean joked. “But I guess Ohio isn’t too bad a place to come home to after a hunt.”  
“So you’re still going to hunt?” Emma asked.  
“Somebody’s got to, right? Got to save the damsels in distress in dark alleys and abandoned barns?” Dean replied with a smirk. “Y’know, though, I’m actually getting pretty tired of it. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m not getting any younger, and hunting really isn’t the same without you, Sammy. Maybe I should join the ‘live until we’re ninety and die in our sleep’ business. I wouldn’t mind finding a job at some shop and spending my days underneath a car. And then my nights underneath a hot redhead.”  
“Woah. Dude. That’s my wife you’re talking about. I think one of the first rules should be that I don’t have to hear about whatever you two do together. Let me keep some piece of my sanity, please.”  
“First rule of Emma-club. Got it.”  
“And rule number two is you better not hurt her, Dean. Not again.”  
“Learned my lesson on that one, trust me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but losing Emmy was by far one of the worst one. But I don’t think I ever stood a chance against your gigantor ass anyways; that damn hair of yours is some kind of damn chick magnet that I can’t compete with.”

Emma was mostly silent as Sam and Dean bantered with each other. She had never seen their relationship before they had their falling out, but she hoped this was what it was like. She could tell they still had some stuff to work through, to talk about, but the fact that they could stand to be in the same room together warmed her heart. And even if they weren’t ready to admit it, even if they never admitted it, she knew they loved each other. And she knew they loved her.

\--

It had taken the three of them a little while to smooth out the dynamics of their new relationship. Beyond the already established rules one and two, they had quickly agreed on a ‘no common areas’ rule, promising to keep all extracurricular activities in the bedroom. Emma still slept with Sam most nights, loving the feeling of falling asleep with her husband’s arms wrapped tight around her, but she made sure to not neglect Dean, to include his relationship needs in the balance.

The first two weeks after Dean moved in, despite everything in her wanting nothing more than to hole herself up with him and get reacquainted with his body, Emma refrained from doing so out of respect for Sam. Even though she knew they had his blessing, she had his support, it still felt wrong to her. Like she was cheating on the man she loved so much. It wasn’t until Sam quite literally kicked her out of bed one night, saying he was tired of the three of them walking on eggshells, that she had given into her desires.

That night had been so much better than any of her fantasies, than any of her memories. While sex with Sam had never been boring, never been unsatisfying, even after so much time had passed, Dean knew exactly how to push her to new heights. The feel of his body on top of her, his cock inside of her, his lips on her skin was almost more than Emma could handle.

But despite their physical relationship, what Emma loved most about having Dean there was just having him near again. It was hearing his loud chuckle as they watched TV, it was seeing his signature smirk as he teased her, it was the way he chugged his beer after a long day of helping her in the garden. And it was the endless supply of shirts for her to steal. While she still wore Sam’s shirts on occasions, she had missed the feeling of Dean’s soft t-shirts and the smell she could only describe as ‘all natural Dean’.

The public aspect of their relationship had been harder to work out. While Ryan was happy for her, for the three of them, Emma knew that the majority of people wouldn’t understand. In fact the only person in her family she had been willing to tell was her grandmother. The older woman had immediately understood and was more than happy for them, but Emma knew the rest of her family would never understand. So instead of explaining, she told them that Dean was moving in to be closer to his brother and that she and Sam had more than enough room for him. They just didn’t need to know what Emma and Dean got up to in that room.

The three of them often went out together, which had made Emma nervous the first few times, but they managed to find a balance, as they had with everything else. Dean had never been much for public displays of affection, and while Emma reminded him he was far from second fiddle, he recognized that Sam was Emma’s husband and often took a step back in public. He let Emma introduce his as merely her brother-in-law when Sam was around.

Early on, Emma had told Dean that she didn’t mind if he saw other people, if he sought out a more conventional relationship, but he had scoffed at the idea, saying that she was all he needed. And Emma noticed that everywhere they went, with or without Sam, Dean only had eyes for her. And at his fortieth birthday celebration it was no different.

Emma had decided to go out, just the two of them, to celebrate and that of course meant karaoke. Since the city was such a far drive from the house, she had also booked a room at a motel for them to share that night so he had her undivided attention. She was practically buzzing, waiting for her turn at the mic so she could serenade Dean. While he was happy to be out with her, Emma could tell that he was grumpy about being as old as he was, and she wanted him to have some fun.

“Up next we have Emma, who has asked that this song be dedicated Dean, the birthday boy.”

Emma jumped up, blowing Dean a kiss as she stepped on the stage. A few weeks back, as the three of them were enjoying a few beers after dinner, Sam had accidentally let it slip that a case had led Dean to be a Taylor Swift fan and Emma wanted to make sure Dean knew she’d never forget that tidbit. As the intro started, she saw Dean groan, rubbing his hand down his face, and she couldn’t help but laugh as she started to rock her hips back and forth.

“Midnight. You come and pick me up, no headlights. Long drive. Could end in burning flames or paradise.”

Emma laughed again at the pained look on Dean’s face as she put him on the spot. At first he shook his head in defeat before shrugging and starting to rock in beat with the music.

“You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye,” Emma sang, putting emphasis on the ‘Dean’, “and I got that red lip, classic thing that you like. And when we go crashing down, we come back every time. 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style.”

Emma’s eyes were glued to Dean’s as she rocked to the music, throwing in a hair flip that she knew he loved every now and then. She couldn’t tell if the look in eyes meant he wanted to kill her for embarrassing him, or eat her alive.

“So it goes...he can't keep his wild eyes on the road. Takes me home. Lights are off; he’s taking off his coat...hmmm...yeah.”

Emma thought about the Impala every time she heard this song, this verse. She thought about teasing Dean, about forcing him to pull over, about fucking him on the side of the road. And she knew that as she stood on the stage, the whole crowd could tell exactly what she was thinking about in that moment.

As the song ended, Emma stepped off the stage, her eyes glued to Dean’s but her step faltered when she heard the gossip coming from a nearby table.

“I’m pretty sure she’s married and that’s not her husband. I see her in here all the time with some tall, hot ass dude and just look at that rock on her finger. The birthday boy back there ain’t wearing a ring. I know because I checked him out when I got here.”

The stranger’s words stung Emma more than she could have ever imagined. She hadn’t even noticed that Dean had moved to stand in front of her, concerned that she had stopped before coming back to the table.

“That was quite a show, sweetheart. You’ll pay for that,” Dean teased, rubbing his hands down her arms. “You okay?”  
“Yeah...yeah I’m fine. Let’s just get out of here. I...I don’t want to be here anymore.”  
“What’s wrong, Emmy? I mean, I want to get out of here too, trust me. But I can tell something’s wrong.”

Emma looked down at her hand, fiddling with her wedding ring. It had never occurred to her before to take it off while she was out with Dean, that anyone would notice. But she was suddenly embarrassed for having thought that no one would ever pick up on the fact that she was out with someone that wasn’t her husband. She tried to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes, but she knew they’d inevitably come.

“Nothing’s wrong, Dean. I just want to leave.”  
“What’s wrong is she finally figured out that she’s not as good at hiding being a cheating whore as she thought she was.”

Dean spun around to look at the stranger who had interrupted them, his face tight with anger.

“What the fuck did you just say?”  
“I said, everyone in this bar knows you’re not her husband. But I guess if I were a leggy redhead I’d get to have a few side dicks as well.”  
“You shut your dirty mouth,” Dean threatened, moving towards the stranger.  
“I think the only one who’s got a dirty mouth around here is her. Who knows how many other guys she’s fucking behind even your back.”

Dean slammed his fist down on the table, sending multiple glasses flying to the floor. Emma jumped, just as startled as the occupants at the table, and tried to pull him back from causing an even bigger scene.

“Dean, just let it go. Let’s go home.”  
“You better watch your fucking mouth. Sitting there all high and mighty on your damn barstool, thinking you can talk shit about my girl.”  
“Whatever you say, dude. We’re out of here. You both need some serious help.”

Emma finally managed to pull Dean away from the table where the strangers were gathering their things and she dragged him out of the bar. As she backed him up against the wall, she brought her hand to his cheek, trying to get him to untense, to calm down.

“That was so fucking hot, Dean.”  
“No one gets to talk shit about you, darling. No one gets to call you a…a…”  
“Shhh. It’s okay, Dean. They left. We left. We won’t ever see them again. Don’t let them ruin your birthday.”

Emma brought her lips to Dean’s, keeping the kiss gentle for only a moment before pressing her whole body against his. Watching him be so protective had turned her on even more than before and she was ready to forget the strangers and to give Dean the next part of his birthday present.

“I’ve got another surprise for you,” Emma whispered in Dean’s ear, her tongue sneaking out the lick the shell of it.  
“Yeah? What’s that, sweetheart?”

Emma reached down into the pocket of her coat, pulling out the key for the motel room she had booked them to hold it in front of his face.

“Magic Fingers,” Emma teased, her voice raspy.

Dean pulled her in for a bruising kiss before taking her by the hand and pulling her towards the parking lot and the Impala. As Emma gave directions to the motel, her hand moved up and down Dean’s thigh, grinning when she felt how hard he was already.

The Impala squealed as Dean whipped it into the parking spot of the motel and in what seemed like a blink of an eye he had her inside the room, pressed against the door. She wrapped her leg around his waist, her skirt sliding up past her hip and Dean grabbed onto the newly exposed skin as his lips and teeth moved down her neck. Emma pushed Dean’s coat off of his shoulders, her fingers digging into his arms as his teeth nipped at her collarbone.

Dean pulled her away from the door so she could take off her own coat and Emma pushed him back to sit on the bed. Before she slipped off her coat, she pulled a roll of quarters from her pocket and raised her eyebrow at Dean. All he could do was stare her down as she walked to the bedside table and slid a quarter into the machine, causing the bed to roar to life.

She giggled as the grin that spread across Dean’s face and she pushed him back so she could straddle him. It took her a minute to get used to the bed shaking underneath her, but Dean took her moment of stillness as an opportunity to take her shirt off and bring his lips to her cleavage. His hands found her hips and her pulled her down tight on top of him. Emma pressed her crotch down onto his, moaning at the sensation of his whole body vibrating underneath her.

“Jesus Christ. Why did I never know this was a thing before?” Emma said, moaning as Dean’s erection pressed perfectly against her clit, even through his thick jeans and her underwear.  
“I told you it was the greatest thing on the planet, sweetheart,” Dean teased as he flipped Emma over flat on her back.

Emma bit her lip as Dean pulled back to unbutton his shirt, but she stopped him before he could slip it off his shoulders. She had learned recently that the second best thing to wearing one of Dean’s shirts was him still wearing it while he fucked her. The chuckle she earned in return from Dean went straight to her crotch and she moved her hands down to touch herself, her skirt bunched up at her waist.

“Holy shit. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: you are a god damned minx, woman. I can’t get enough of you,” Dean said, his own hands trailing up Emma’s bare thighs as he watched her start to rub her clit.  
“Jeans. Off. Now,” Emma demanded, reaching up above her head to put another quarter in the machine before it could cut off.  
“Yes, ma’am,” Dean said, giving her a joking salute before undoing his button fly and pushing his jeans and boxers down to the floor.

Emma didn’t want to wait any longer to feel Dean inside of her so she pulled him down on top of her and pressed her hips up against his. The feel of his now bare cock against her soaking wet underwear made her want him, need him, inside of her as soon as possible. She reached a hand down to stroke his cock, smirking as Dean shuddered in response to her touch, and pushed her underwear aside with her other hand before bringing his cock to her core. When Dean looked down to watch what she was doing, he growled and thrust deep inside of her, taking Emma’s breath away.

Between the feeling of Dean inside of her and the bed underneath her vibrating, Emma knew her orgasm wasn’t far off. She pulled him down for a hard kiss before reaching up again, trying to put another quarter in the machine. She shrieked when she instead found herself being flipped over so she was on top of Dean, the shaking bed turning him into the equivalent of a human vibrator.

“Fuck. Jesus. That feels so good.”  
“You’re not fucking Jesus, sweetheart. This is all me,” Dean teased, as he slid another quarter in the machine with practiced eased.

Emma planted her hands on his chest, rocking her hips in time with his thrusts up, desperately seeking her release. One of his hands found her hip, gripping it just right, just the way she liked it, and the other wrapped around her neck, applying just enough pressure to sends shivers down Emma’s spine. The feel of his calloused hand on her skin, the heel of his hand pressing on her throat just right, was exactly what she needed and Emma came apart on top of Dean, her orgasm ripping through her.

She reached over to put another quarter in the machine when she finally caught her breath, but she couldn’t quite reach. The hand on her throat dropped to her other hip as Dean’s thrusts sped up and Emma begged him to come for her. Not seconds later her did, crying out her name as he thrust his hips one last time, just as the bed stopped vibrating. Emma leaned down to kiss him softly as he struggled to catch his own breath, smiling against his lips.

“I was hoping I could get at least another round out of you tonight, birthday boy, but it doesn’t look like you’ll be up to it if you’re this spent after round one,” Emma joked.  
“Oh, I’ll be up to it. Trust me. A whole lot of me will be up. I’m forty, sweetheart, not freaking ninety.”

Dean pulled Emma down to lay beside him, pulling her against his chest as they both relaxed, their breathing evening out. Emma looked at him, amazed that she was the one that he chose to share his birthday with, and Emma realized she didn’t give a crap what strangers in bars said; she loved Sam and she loved Dean. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. All it meant was she got twice as much amazing sex as anyone could ever ask for.

“Anything else I can get you, birthday boy?”  
“Maybe some jelly beans and g-strings” Dean joked, earning a chuckle from Emma.

Emma stood up to undress completely and splash some water on her face to cool down and she came back to find Dean under the covers, ready for to get some rest before the next round. Or so she thought, because seconds later, as she snuggled up to Dean, she heard him drop another quarter in the machine and she couldn’t help but laugh.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

It was about six months after she found out she was infertile that Emma brought up the idea of surrogacy to Sam. She knew there were several children out there who needed to be adopted, but after thinking long and hard, she realized that she wanted to their children to share their blood. She wanted the Winchester bloodline to continue. Plus, she figured it would be easier than trying to explain to an adoption agency that Sam’s brother, Emma’s boyfriend, lived with them.

The couple was laying in bed, enjoying a lazy Saturday morning when Emma finally found the courage to bring up the topic. She was curled up against Sam’s side, her head resting on his chest, as his hand moved up and down her back, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

“I think I want to try and find a surrogate,” Emma said, holding her breath.  
“Let’s do it,” Sam said, smiling down at her.  
“Just that simple? Let’s do it?”  
“Emma, I promise you that I’m not lying when I say I want nothing more than to have a family with you. I know we both never thought that it would turn out like this, but I am so beyond excited to have kids with you that it’s not even funny. So, if you’re ready, then I’m ready. I was just waiting for you to be ready, even if that never happened.”  
“How are you so amazing, Sam? I fall more in love with you every day,” Emma said, pulling him into a kiss.

After they spent the rest of the morning tangled together in bed, Emma went downstairs to find Dean sitting on the couch. The conversation she had with Sam had been hard for her to start, but she knew the conversation she needed to have with Dean would be even harder. She contemplated having Sam join her, but she realized that this was something she needed to explain to Dean alone.

Dean smiled at her, but his eyebrows quirked when she asked him to join her on the porch. Emma settled onto the porch swing and Dean threw his arm around her shoulder as he sat next to her.

“What’s up, Emmy?” Dean asked, pulling her in tight to his side. “Am I in trouble?”  
“No, Dean. There’s just something I want to talk to you about, but I guess I’m just nervous.”  
“You don’t have to be nervous around me, sweetheart. You know that. It takes more than a conversation to get my panties in a bunch.”  
“I know,” Emma said with a smile, not quite meeting Dean’s eyes, “but this is a big conversation.”  
“You want me to move out, don’t you?”  
“NO!” Emma said a little too loudly. “Never. I don’t want you to go anywhere, Dean. It’s just...I don’t know.”

Emma looked down at her lap, where she was ringing her hands. This was a difficult subject for her, even if it was Dean she was talking to. 

“I don’t know if Sam told you when he came to get you, when you hashed things out, but he and I were trying for over a year to get pregnant. And then we found out that I’m...that I can’t have kids.”  
“Oh, Emmy. I am so sorry,” Dean said, his fingers caressing her cheek.  
“It...I don’t know how to explain it, but it broke me. And I think that was one of the reasons Sam went to talk to you. He wanted to try and fix me. And it has been amazing having you back Dean. There is no doubt in my mind that I love you. But I also know that I still want to have kids...that I want to have kids with Sam.”  
“I love you too, Emma, but I don’t really understand where this conversation is going.”  
“Sam and I want to try and use a surrogate, and as big as a decision as that was for me, for us to come to, I realize that you’re now a part of all of our decisions. That us having kids would affect you just as much as us. So I guess I’m giving you an out; if kids are a deal breaker, then I understand,” Emma said, tears threatening to spill down her face.

Dean ran his hand down his face, stretching his jaw out, and Emma waited patiently for him to respond. Her heart was racing, unsure of how he would react. She desperately hoped that nothing would change, that they would figure out a way to make it work. But she also knew that it would be unfair for her to ask him to stay, to find a way to fit into a new family dynamic.

“I know you want kids, Emmy. And I know Sammy’s always wanted kids. And I’m not saying that it won’t be weird, but I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Emmy. You and Sammy...you guys are my family. And your little rugrats will be too. When everything goes to crap, that’s all you got: family. And I’ve learned my lesson about bailing. Plus, I’ll get the fun side of kids. I can teach them all kinds of cool stuff but then hand them back when they shit their pants.”

Emma laughed and hugged Dean tight, burrowing her face into his chest. For the life of her she couldn’t figure out why she had doubted Dean, why she had thought that he would leave. In that moment she fell even more in love with him and she realized just how lucky she was to have two men who loved her so much.

Emma had no clue where to start with the surrogacy process, but she knew that with Sam by her side, they would figure it out. She was nervous about the cost, especially since she wasn’t working anymore, but Sam told her not to worry, that they would figure out how to afford it. Whenever he wasn’t at work, he was busy researching the process, making sure they were armed with as much information as possible when they went to meet with an agency for the first time.

They had decided that they wanted to use a closed agency; as grateful as they would be to their surrogate, they didn’t want to form any sort of relationship with them. Just as it would be difficult to explain to an adoption agency, they didn’t want to have to explain the dynamic of their relationship with Dean. They recognized that this made it harder for them to find a match, but they were still hopeful that someone out there was kindhearted enough to make a couple strangers’ dreams come true. They walked away from their first appointment at the agency full of hope and with cramped hands after having filled out so many forms.

Emma tried to keep her mind off of the subject as they waited to hear back from the agency, so she threw herself into her garden. And into Dean. And into Sam. They had both made a joke at one point about not realizing that surrogacy was such a turn on for Emma, but she just needed the distraction. She needed their touch to keep her in the present, to remind her of the flesh, instead of letting her mind wander to the future, to the fantasies of her future children.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t indulge in a few fantasies. She had initially laughed when Dean told her his, thinking it was beyond silly, but now that she was on top of him, wearing the Zorro mask he had given her, she didn’t think it was so bad. They were on the couch, which they both knew was against the rules, but Sam wouldn’t be home anytime soon and they wanted to up the ante on Dean’s fantasy.

His hands were tight on her hips as Emma ran her fingers across his cheek, double checking that this was what he wanted, that he wanted her to slap him. His hips thrusting up, searching for some sort of friction, was all the encouragement she needed and she brought her hand back before swinging it forward to connect with his face. She had tried to not use too much force, unsure of what Dean really wanted, but he encouraged her to do it again, harder.

His hands wandered up her sternum to cup her breasts as she slapped him again, making him groan. His cock was hard and hot against her core and Emma wanted nothing more than to reach down and help him slide into her, but she knew that Dean wanted her to tease him, to keep slapping him. She wasn’t sure what had sparked this fantasy of his, but she quite liked the power she held over him in that moment. 

She wound her arm back once more when the front door suddenly opened and Sam stepped inside the house only to shout and turn away from Emma and Dean. Emma looked over her shoulder at her husband and couldn’t help but giggle.

“Dude! What the fuck! That is not wanted I wanted to see when I walked in the front door! We have a rule about this for a reason,” Sam said, frustrated, still facing away from them.  
“You know what they say, little bro: rules are meant to be broken,” Dean said, helping Emma off his lap so he could cover himself with a nearby pillow.  
“No. They’re not. Now I’m going to picture your naked ass every time I sit on the couch.”  
“Consider this payback for letting the Taylor Swift thing slip a while back,” Dean teased.  
“Sam, it’s not like we haven’t done the same exact thing. You and I like to ignore this rule too,” Emma said with a giggle.  
“You’re allowed to be naked wherever you want, Em. You’re allowed to never wear clothes again. Dean, however, needs to keep that pale ass of his in his pants. Especially on the couch,” 

Sam turned around after checking to see that Dean and Emma were both somewhat covered and just kind of glared at Dean.

“Wait. Why are you wearing a...is that a Zorro mask?” Sam asked as he contorted his face into a look of horror. “Dude, Dean. I thought you were kidding when you said that!”  
“Turns out having a girl slap you during sex while wearing a Zorro mask is actually a great fucking idea, Sammy,” Dean said with a broad smile. “Now cover your eyes so we can get upstairs and finish this.”  
“Gross, dude,” Sam said, turning around again as Dean pulled Emma towards the stairs. “And Em….keep the mask!”

After Dean and Emma finished their romp in the sheets, Emma straightened up and headed downstairs to meet Sam. She was still amazed how it never seemed to be awkward when she switched her attention from one man to the other; it just felt natural. However, she hadn’t meant for Sam to walk in on her and Dean and she knew she had some major apologizing to do.

“Hey, Apollo. How was your day?” Emma asked as she wrapped her arms around Sam’s waist.  
“Great until I had to see Dean’s dick front and center,” Sam said, pretending to be more upset than he was.  
“Well how about later I put on a show for your dick. Would that make you feel better?”  
“You know it always does,” Sam said before bringing his lips down to hers.  
“What are you doing home so early? You’re usually not home until like eight o’clock on Wednesdays.”  
“Well I came home early because I have some good news,” Sam said, his mouth moving across Emma’s jaw and down her neck, teasing her. “The agency called.”

Emma spazzed out, pulling away from Sam as her whole body buzzed in excitement. Sam smiled brightly at her and Emma started freaking out, jumping into his waiting arms.

“Oh my God! Did they find a match?!” Emma asked.  
“They did, babe. They found a match for us. We’re going to be parents.”

Emma couldn’t hold back the squeal that escaped her lips as she hugged Sam tight, jumping up and down. The past month had been torture waiting for a response from the agency and it was suddenly all coming together. She and Sam were going to have their family after all.

Dean came down the stairs, concerned with Emma’s sudden shrieks and sauntered into the kitchen where Sam was kissing Emma deeply.

“Everything okay? For a second I thought a banshee was down here,” Dean joked.  
“Yeah, man. We got a match with the agency,” Sam answered, Emma too excited to form the words.  
“Holy shit, dude. That’s fricken awesome! Congrats! You’re going to be a freaking dad!”

Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug and Emma’s heart swelled to see them embrace. Seeing them grow closer over the last several months had made her so happy and she was forever thankful for the two men in her life. Dean pulled her into a hug next, whispering congratulations in her ear before pulling back.

“Well you two have some celebrating to do, so I’ll get out of your hair. I’m really happy for both of you,” Dean said with a sincere smile.

Emma didn’t even notice him leave the room, because she was so focused on Sam. After all they had been through, after having their hopes dashed just a few short months ago, it was all coming together and Emma couldn’t be happier. She had her Prince Charming and her knight in dented armor. And soon she would have a little prince or princess too.

\--

Emma thought the month they had waited to hear back from the agency was agonizingly slow, but they were nothing compared to the ones that followed. The contract negotiation had taken what felt like forever, even with all of Sam’s legal experience, but what nearly killed Emma was waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The egg extraction hadn’t been all that pleasant, which didn’t seem fair to Emma, as all Sam had to do was jack off into a cup, but waiting to see if the implantation had been successful was much worse.

She had secretly told their coordinator at the agency to call her instead of Sam with any news, so Emma kept her phone on her at all times and every time it rang she freaked out. She was out in the garden tending to her towering tomatoes on a Friday afternoon when the call she was waiting for came in. She held in her shriek just long enough to get off the phone with Christine at the agency and she was very glad no one was around to hear. She danced around for a solid five minutes, beyond excited that she would soon be a mother.

Dean came home before Sam and could tell something was up right away. As soon as Emma smiled at him, he nodded knowingly and pulled her in for a tight hug, her body practically vibrating.

“I am so happy for you, Emmy. You’re going to make an amazing mother,” he said as laid a kiss on the top of her head.

He grabbed some stuff from his room and told Emma he’d crash in the guest house so she and Sam could have the house to themselves and Emma squeezed his hand in thanks. She knew she still had a few hours before Sam came home, but she wanted to make sure the night was perfect.

She showered and slipped on the infamous red dress before heading down to the kitchen to make dinner. She was standing at the stove, stirring the pasta aimlessly as she daydreamed about her future, when she felt Sam wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her neck. She melted into his embrace, smiling wider than she’d ever smiled before.

“What’s the special occasion, Em?” Sam asked as he kissed across the top of her shoulder, his hands gripping her hips and pulling her back into them. “You don’t just pull out this dress for any ol’ dinner.”  
“Can’t a woman just try and look nice for her husband?” Emma teased, turning her head to meet his lips in a soft kiss.  
“You always look nice for me, babe. You’re the most beautiful woman on the planet.”  
“Flattery will get you everywhere, Apollo. But go clean up, dinner is almost ready.”

Emma could barely eat her dinner, to excited to be hungry. She pushed the food around her plate as she stared at Sam, mesmerized by his every move. The way he cut his chicken, the way he brought his fork to his mouth, the way he chewed. Yesterday, she wouldn’t have noticed these little things, because yesterday it was the just how her husband ate. But tonight it was how the father of her child ate. 

As they finished up, Sam wiping his mouth and thanking her for dinner, Emma tried to figure out how to tell him the good news. She walked around the table to sit across his lap, running her hands through his hair. Her affection was not unwelcome, but Sam was confused about why she was making that night such a big deal.

“For real, Em. Did I forget an anniversary or something? I am so sorry if I did. I’ve been swamped at the office and I don’t even know what day of the week it is anymore,” Sam said, his hand rubbing Emma’s lower back.  
“You didn’t forget anything, Apollo,” Emma said, pulling him in for a chaste kiss. “You know, I was thinking it might be time to give you a new nickname.”

Emma smiled as Sam raised his eyebrows at her, very confused as to why she would change his nickname after all this time. Emma started to loosen the tie around his neck, toying with him to drag it out, which she knew frustrated him beyond belief.

“How does ‘daddy’ sound?” Emma asked, unable to keep her smile back.  
“What?” Sam asked, taking a second to connect the dots. “Are we...Did they...Are we pregnant, Emma?”  
“We are, Sam. We are going to be parents.”

The kiss that Sam pulled her into knocked the breath from her chest, his grip near bruising. Their kiss was so hard that their teeth knocked together, their lips caught in between. Emma poured every ounce of love she had for Sam into the kiss, trying to show him just how much she loved him.

“How? How did you find out? They were supposed to call me. I told them to call me so I could be the one who surprised you with the news,” Sam said as he finally pulled back from her, keeping his grip on her waist tight.  
“You know I’m too impatient for that. I asked Christine to call me instead. I hope you’re not mad.”  
“Mad? How could I possibly be mad, Emma? We’re going to be parents. We’re going to have a baby. We’re going to have a freaking baby.”

The joy on Sam’s face nearly brought tears to Emma’s eyes. She had never seen him this excited and she was so glad that she found a way to bring him this joy. It still pained her that she couldn’t personally bring him this, that she couldn’t bring his children into the world, but they had found a way. And here in nine months they were going to be parents.

Sam kissed her again before helping her stand up and rushing to the fridge. He pulled out the bottle of champagne they had bought after they had found a match, the bottle they had bought for this very occasion. He put on a show of opening the bottle, still smiling widely, before pouring two generous glasses of the bubbly beverage.

“To our baby,” Sam toasted, holding Emma close as they took a drink.  
“To our family,” Emma replied, pressing up on her toes to kiss Sam.

It started as a soft, chaste kiss, but soon morphed into something much more urgent. Her hands gripped his shirt tightly, partially to pull him closer, partially to help her balance, while one of his hands held the back of her head and the other planted firmly on her ass. Their lips moved in perfect tandem against each other and Emma moaned when Sam’s tongue licked along her bottom lip. She pulled his top lip into her mouth, nibbling on it softly, amazed that after all this time his kiss could still set her on fire.

One of her hands let go of his shirt and moved down his chest to rest on his hip for a few seconds before pulling him closer to her. Sam was squeezing her ass and Emma wanted nothing more than to jump up and wrap her legs around his waist, but the dress was too tight for her to do that. Wanting to move the show along, she pulled back from Sam, giggling at the pout her gave her, and turned to walk towards the stairs. 

As she walked away from him, her hands reached back and undid the zipper down her back and she could almost feel Sam’s eyes on the now bare skin of her back. 

“Are you coming, or not?” Emma asked as she reached the bottom of the stairs, innuendo completely intended as she looked at her husband.

The only response was a low growl and Sam moved so quickly he was almost a blur. Emma felt herself lifted off the floor and she squealed when she found herself thrown over Sam’s shoulder as he raced up the stairs. Her hand reached out and squeezed his ass, which earned her a firm slap on her own. Sam’s other hand was running up and down her thigh, disappearing higher and higher under her dress with each pass.

Emma’s breath caught in her throat when Sam threw her down on their bed and she stared up at her handsome husband. Sam was busy undoing the buttons on his shirt and Emma realized she wanted him naked sooner rather than later. She scooted to the end of the bed and unbuckled his belt with practiced ease as she looked up at him. Sam’s hands abandoned his shirt when Emma’s hands started to undo his button and zipper and wove into her hair instead. As Emma yanked down his pants, she pressed her open mouth against his boxer-trapped erection, running sloppy kisses up and down the hard length.

“Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned as her hand joined her mouth, teasing him through his underwear.  
“I’m not the second coming of the Lord, Apollo. But I’ll have you coming in a second,” Emma teased with a giggle, earning herself a groan from Sam.  
“Only you would find a way to make a cheesy joke during sex. I fucking love you.”

Emma didn’t respond, choosing instead to shove Sam’s boxers down and wrap her lips around his cock. Sam’s hands in her hair applied light pressure, urging her to take more of him in her mouth and she was happy to oblige. As she continued to move her mouth up and down over Sam’s length, her hands busied themselves pushing his pants and boxers all the way to the ground. As Sam lifted his leg to try and kick them off from around his ankles, he thrust a little deeper into Emma’s throat and she couldn’t help but gag. No matter how many times she did this, no matter how much she loved going down on Sam, she would never get used to how big he was, how thick he was in her mouth.

Sam apologized, his hands rubbing her head softly as he closed his eyes tightly, his head rolling back. Emma started to drag her nails down his bare thighs, loving how it made his legs quake. She looked up at him, amazed that she could bring her husband, her Apollo, such pleasure and she felt her own arousal coat her inner thighs. As much as she loved pleasing Sam with her mouth, she knew that she’d go crazy if she didn’t feel his touch soon.

She pulled away from him, smiling as he groaned, and shoved the straps of her dress down her arms. Emma stood up, Sam stepping back slightly to give her room, and she shimmied the fabric over and down her hips, leaving her standing completely naked in front of Sam. His hands immediately found her body, one gripping her hip and the other cupping and squeezing her breast and Emma’s found wrapped themselves in Sam’s hair, pulling his lips back to hers. Sam shoved her back on the bed gently, helping her settle closer to the headboard, and he pulled his shirt off before crawling over her body.

He fit perfectly between her thighs, his erection brushing against her core, making them both groan. His lips moved down her neck, his teeth brushing against her skin every so often, as one of his hands dipped lower and brushed her thigh. Emma opened her legs even wider, begging for Sam’s touch and she threw her head back when she felt his fingers start to circle her clit in a way only he knew how.

His lips soon joined his fingers and Emma’s breath got stuck in her throat when she felt Sam’s fingers slide into her as his lips latched onto to her clit.

“Fuck. Me,” Emma said, unable to find any other words to express how good it felt.  
“That’s the plan, babe,” Sam joked, moving his lips to kiss along her thighs as his fingers pumped into her at a steady pace.

Emma looked down at him and the way his eyes were admiring her body made her feel like a goddess, even after all this time. She felt him crook his fingertips up to brush against her G-spot and she cried out his name. Her hands moved down her sternum, moving easily thanks to the sweat that was beginning to pool on her stomach and she shoved them into Sam’s hair, trying to pull his mouth back to her core.

“Sam. I need more. I need you. Please,” she begged, bucking her hips up when his mouth found her clit again.

Every nerve ending in her body was on fire as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge of release. She felt the heat rise from her core, up her chest, down her legs, and through her arms. Emma cried out Sam’s name as her body tensed up and her orgasm took over. She didn’t even register Sam crawling back up her body and sliding deep inside of her. His thrusts were ragged and quick, and Emma knew he was desperate for his own release.

She had planned on taking her time that night, planned on worshipping Sam’s body slowly, celebrating the good news, but as Sam plowed into her, his breath hot on her neck, she wanted nothing more than to feel him come apart on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and moved her hips in time with his as her lips found his ear.

“You feel so good, Sam. You always feel so fucking good inside of me. I want you to come for me. Come inside of me. Please,” Emma begged, her voice low and raspy.

A growl ripped through Sam’s throat as he slammed his hips into Emma’s just a few more times before his own orgasm took over his body. He continued to thrust into her as he came, his arms shaking from holding his body weight off of her. Emma pulled his lips down to hers and smiled against them as she felt him come back down from his high. She ran her hands up and down his arms, trying to coax him back to reality.

“Told you I’d have you coming, Apollo,” she joked, laughing as Sam dropped his weight down on her before rolling over to lay beside her.  
“Yeah, yeah. You don’t hear me complaining, do you?” Sam asked as he pulled his wife tight against his side.

His hand found her stomach, rubbing softly. For a moment Emma felt a pang of pain, recognizing and wishing that she was carrying their child, but it quickly passed and Emma smiled brightly. Their child. They were having a child. The fantasy she had had for so long was finally going to be here, in the flesh.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Emma busied herself over the next several weeks preparing the house for their new arrival. Dean had offered to move out to the guest house, to let Sam and her use his room as the nursery, but Emma would have nothing of it. She reminded him that just because they were going to be parents didn’t mean that Dean was going to be pushed to the side; she wanted him just where he was. 

The smaller of the two spare bedrooms, what had been Sam’s home office, was quickly converted into baby central. Emma knew they still had more than enough time before their bundle of joy was coming home, but preparing the nursery gave her something to focus on, something to throw her energy and excitement into.

She had spent days obsessing over the paint color alone, wanting just the perfect shade. Her boys had been no help, neither of them having a strong opinion, and even though Emma knew it was petty, it had started a fight between her and Sam. She knew he was beyond excited for their baby, but his lack of enthusiasm in choosing between ‘minted lemon’ and ‘whitewater bay’ pissed her off.

“They look the same to me, babe. Just pick whichever one you prefer,” Sam argued, trying to calm her down.  
“But they’re not the same, Sam! They’re obviously different! This one has more yellow tones and this one has more blue tones,” Emma said, tears of frustration threatening to boil over. “I just want it to be perfect.”  
“Babe,” Sam said, pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head, “it is going to be perfect. But not because of the color of the paint. It’s going to be perfect because you are going to be an amazing mother, because you love this baby so much already. That’s what will make this perfect.”  
“You say that, but what’s if the baby and I don’t bond. What’s if they know I’m not really their mom?”  
“You ARE their mother, Em. It’s our child; our flesh and blood. That baby is going to think you hung the damn moon, just like I do. That baby is going to love you just as much as I do. So stop worrying. There’s no reason to,” Sam said, his hand running soothingly up and down Emma’s back.  
“I still sometimes feel like I failed, Sam. I should be the one carrying our child, not some stranger.”  
“You didn’t fail, Emma. Everything has a way of working out the way it’s supposed to. You and I were meant to be together and here we are. You and I are meant to be parents, and we found a way to make that happen. Nothing about our relationship has ever been ‘traditional’, so why should we start now?”

Emma couldn’t help but chuckle, her face buried in Sam’s chest. She loosened her grip on his shirt and pulled back to look up at her husband, amazed at how perfect he was.

“I love you.”  
“I love you too, Em. And let’s just go with minted lemon.”

Aside from setting up the nursery, the other thing motivating Emma was the weekly updates they got from the agency. Even though they had decided on a closed surrogacy, on not having a relationship with the surrogate, Emma was grateful to hear that the woman kind enough to bring their child into the world was doing okay. 

Emma practically buzzed the entire day that the first sonogram was scheduled, wanting desperately to see the first images of her baby. She was just about to start dinner when the agency called and Emma answered before the second ring. Nothing prepared her for the conversation she was about to have.

“Hey, Christine! How’d everything go? Is everything okay?” Emma asked in practically one breath.  
“Hey, Emma. Everything went great, everything is fine, but there is something we need to talk about. Do you think you can come by the agency tomorrow so we can discuss it.”  
“What’s wrong? Can’t you just tell me over the phone?”  
“Nothing’s wrong, I promise.”  
“Then just tell me.”  
“I don’t really like to have this conversation over the phone, but I’ve also come to learn that you’re not a woman to give up when she wants something,” Christine said with a chuckle. “Do you remember how before the whole process started, we talked about how, in order to increase the odds of success, we’d implant several embryos? Well, congratulations, Emma. You’re having twins!”

Emma nearly dropped the phone when the word ‘twins’ registered in her brain. They had known that there was an increased risk of multiples but she had never expected that it would actually happen.

“You okay, Emma? I know this is big news.”  
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” Emma said, breaking into a wide smile. “I’m great. I just can’t believe it. Wow. Twins.”  
“That’s usually the reaction we get. I’m so happy for you and Sam! The surrogate sent me the images they took at the appointment and I’ll go ahead and email them over to you so you can have a look at your babies!”

Emma thanked Christine profusely, for everything, before getting off the phone and then spent the next five minutes repeatedly refreshing her email app. Her hands were shaking in excitement when the email from Christine finally came in and she sat down before opening the attached pictures.

Tears slid down her cheeks as the sonogram image filled her screen and she saw the two circles. Her two babies. She pressed her index finger gently to the screen, touching the two small dots that represented her children. The idea of twins still hadn’t completely sunk in, but the photo helped solidify it in her mind.

She was still sitting at the kitchen island when Sam came home, beating Dean for once. He smiled widely when he saw her staring at her phone, having been just as excited about the sonogram as she was.

“How’s our baby look, Em?” Sam asked as he came up behind where she was sitting on the stool.

Emma didn’t say a word as she turned the phone so Sam could see. He wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at first, having never really figured out what was going on in sonograms, but he quickly noticed the two circles.

“Wait, why are there two circles? I thought the circle was just to show where the baby is. Is it showing where like the two feet are? It can’t be that big yet.”  
“The circles do show where the baby is. Where the babies are,” Emma said, smiling softly when Sam didn’t seem to register what she had said.  
“Then why are there two circles?”  
“Because there’s two babies.”

The look of disbelief on Sam’s face made her laugh. He was stock still and Emma stood up to pull him into a tight hug.

“We’re having twins, Apollo. Two for the price of one,” Emma joked, pulling Sam’s lips down to hers.

When Dean finally came home, he found Sam and Emma still in the kitchen, looking at the sonogram on her phone. They looked lost in their own little world and Dean was hesitant to interrupt them, but he himself wanted to know how the appointment had gone.

“How’s my niece or nephew doing?” Dean asked as he pulled a beer from the fridge.  
“Well, turns out that your niece or nephew has a wombmate,” Sam joked, trying to keep a straight face.  
“What does that even mean? Like there’s two of them in there?” Dean asked, confused until Sam nodded his head. “Wait. No way! You’re having twins?”  
“Apparently so. Apparently I seem to attract double the trouble,” Emma joked with a bright smile.  
“Holy shit, guys. That’s amazing! Congrats!”

Dean’s excitement for her and Sam warmed Emma’s heart. A year ago she couldn’t imagine that this was what her life would look like. Having both Sam and Dean in her life made her happier than she knew possible, and for the life of her she couldn’t remember how she had lived before she’d met them. While their relationship was well beyond anything considered conventional, to her it was perfect and she thanked her lucky stars every day. 

Dean asked if they wanted the night alone again, to celebrate, but Emma asked him to stay. He was just as much a part of the family as the two of them, and she wanted him there. They spent the rest of the night sitting in the kitchen just talking. After a few beers, Dean started sharing embarrassing stories of Sam as a young child and Emma couldn’t wait to make her own memories with her children. 

She just knew that Sam would be an amazing father. And she had no doubts that Dean would fit perfectly into the family picture. She had spent several nights already wondering how they were going to explain to their kids that mommy loved both daddy and Uncle Dean, but she also realized that they had a good five years before they really needed to worry about it. And even then, she knew they’d find a way to explain it. The three of them always seemed to find a way.

\--

The next several months had gone by quicker than Emma anticipated. She was sure that they were going to be torture, waiting for her babies to finally arrive, but they seemed to be flying by. The house was slowly filling up with double of everything: double the cribs, double the diapers, double the onesies. 

As the time passed, Emma worried that, especially with Sam working so much, she wouldn’t have enough time to spend with Dean once the babies were here. While the three of them had found a way to balance their relationship perfectly, Emma wasn’t sure that the five of them would be able to, and she realized it wasn’t fair to Dean. So she set out to make sure that they spent as much time together as possible before the babies came.

On the morning of the one year anniversary of Dean coming back, of her heart becoming complete, Emma woke up early. She was thankful it was a Saturday, that she and Dean would have the whole day together, and she wanted to start it off with breakfast in bed. She prepared his favorite meal, waffles, and made sure to fry up plenty of bacon.

She carried the very full tray up the stairs and nudged open his door, stopping briefly to watch him sleep. He refused to accept that he snored, but Emma always loved the sound. Her eyes wandered down his stiff form, knowing even under the blanket his arms and ankles were crossed. She set the tray down on top of the dresser and carried the two cups of coffee over to the bed, gently nudging him awake as she sat down next to him.

While it had scared her at first, Emma was now used to the fact that Dean instinctively grabbed for a weapon under his pillow if someone disturbed his sleep. It still made her heart ache, knowing that he had grown up in a life where he had felt the need to protect himself even while unconscious, so she ran a soothing hand over his forehead and hair. His eyes found hers and he brought him hand out from under his pillow, using it instead to run up and down the outside of her thigh next to him.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Dean said, his voice cracking.  
“Morning, Dean. I brought you some breakfast,” Emma said, handing Dean his coffee as he sat up next to her.

He gladly took the cup but pulled her in for a quick kiss before taking a sip, hissing as the hot liquid slid down his throat.

“Y’know, this coffee sure is hot. Kinda like you,” Dean said with a wink, making Emma laugh.  
“When are you going to realize that you don’t need to use cheesy pickup lines on me anymore. You’ve already got me. Plus that one is getting kind of old,” Emma teased, taking a sip of her own coffee.  
“You love my pickup lines and you know it.”  
“I love you,” Emma said, leaning in for a tender kiss.  
“So, to what do I owe this breakfast in bed surprise?” Dean asked,

His question stung Emma slightly. She had come to learn that Dean wasn’t the best with remembering dates and milestones, but she had hoped that he’d at least remembered what she was celebrating. She hid her pain behind a soft smile before focusing intently on her coffee mug.

“Can’t a woman just surprise her man sometimes?”  
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with what day it is, does this?” Dean asked against her skin, his mouth having found her bare shoulder.  
“You...you remembered?”  
“I’m hurt, darling. You honestly think I’d forget our anniversary.”  
“Well with you, you never know,” Emma said with a small laugh, tilting her head to side the give Dean access to her neck.  
“If there is one thing in this world I know, Emmy, it’s you. And how much I fucking love you.”  
“I love you too, Dean.”

The pair of them set their coffee cups on the nightstand before turning their full attentions on one another. Dean pulled Emma on top of his lap, her legs straddling his hips as he pulled her lips down to meet his. Their kiss was tender, but urgent. Hot, but loving. Dean kept one of his hands wound up in her hair while the other wandered down her back, ghosting over the curve of her ass. Emma’s hands cupped his strong jaw, trying to drink as much of him in as possible.

As with every time she touched Dean, Emma lost track of time. No matter how much time she spent kissing him, how much time she spent grinding her hips into his, it never seemed to be enough and she groaned when Dean pulled back from their kiss. She tried to pull his lips back to hers but was met with a hearty chuckle instead.

“I don’t want breakfast to get cold, Emmy. It smells amazing and I’m fucking starving.”  
“Tell me something I don’t already know. You guys could eat us out of house and home if I let you,” Emma teased as she slid off of Dean’s hips and the bed, moving to grab the tray.  
“Hey, we need our energy to keep up with you. It’s not our fault you have the god damned stamina of the Energizer bunny.”

Emma settled next to Dean on the bed and they dug into their breakfast. Dean’s groans of satisfaction as he ate set her body on fire and she couldn’t wait to elicit the same moans out of him later.

“What’s Sammy up to today?” Dean asked between hearty bites.  
“I think he said something about going for a run before heading into the office to get some work done. He said he knew it was a special day for us and wanted to give us some space.”  
“I don’t know how that dude works so hard. I mean, I watched him do it his whole life, but it still amazes me. Like he doesn’t know how to just slow down and relax.”  
“Are we really going to spend our anniversary talking about Sam, Dean?” Emma asked, her eyes following the drop of syrup that had escaped Dean’s mouth and was now running down his chin.  
“Excuse me for caring about your husband,” Dean said, holding his hands up in mock apology.

They finished up their breakfast, Dean having wiped away the syrup Emma was intently focused on, and laid back on the bed, arms wrapped around each other. Dean’s fingers were tracing lazy patterns on Emma’s stomach where her t-shirt had ridden up a little while Emma’s were playing with his short hair. She knew that she’d miss these lazy moments once the babies were here, knowing that quiet mornings would be a thing of the past.

“So...I got you...I got you something,” Dean said, Emma surprised by the nervousness in his voice.  
“Dean, you didn’t have to get me anything. I didn’t get you a present.”  
“I know. I didn’t expect you to get me one. But there’s something I really want to give you.”

Dean sat up and pulled open his bedside drawer, searching around blindly for the gift. Emma sat up against the headboard, trying to figure out what it could possibly be. She really hadn’t expected a gift, considering she knew there was a good chance Dean had forgotten about their anniversary. Dean turned back towards her, his face pulled tight with nerves and his hand, clenched tight in a fist around her gift, was shaking slightly. Emma reached out to grab it, to sooth him, concerned that he was so nervous around her.

“Dean, why are you so nervous? It’s just me. I only bite when you asked me to,” Emma teased, trying to calm him down.  
“I know. I know. It’s just that I’ve never done anything like this before. Never thought I would do anything like this. And I don’t really know where to start.”  
“You can start by showing me what the gift is? Or do you want me to guess what it is? You know I’m horrible at guessing stuff,” Emma said with a soft laugh, trying to lighten the mood.  
“No, I don’t want you to guess. I guess that I’m just nervous that you won’t like it.”  
“Dean, I love everything about you. And I’ll love anything you ever give me. You know that.”

Emma rubbed her thumb across Dean’s cheek, smiling softly at him. His eyes finally met hers, having avoided her gaze for the past few minutes, and Emma felt him stiffen, trying to get himself together. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw his hand moving between them, his fingers unfurling from a tight fist. She looked down, gasping as she saw a ring sitting in the palm of his open hand.

“Dean,” Emma said, unable to take her eyes off of the beautiful, yet simple, ring.  
“I...I don’t know if you remember that night at the bar, when that bitch...when she made a comment about you wearing a ring,” Dean said, his voice wavering in a way Emma had never heard before. “Good lord is my vagina showing right now. But that night, it...it kind of made me realize that, even though I know your Sam’s wife, I wanted to give you something, wanted you to wear something that showed that you’re mine too. And you don’t have to, I know that’s a lot to ask, but I wanted to at least ask. I know it’s not nearly as fancy as that fricken rock that Sam gave you, but I wanted to give you this. To show you how much I love you.”  
“Dean, it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful,” Emma said before pulling Dean in for a tight kiss. “Of course I’ll wear it. I’ll wear it every day. Why would you ever think that I wouldn’t?”  
“I don’t know. I know that what we have isn’t exactly conventional, but I wasn’t sure how far that extended.”  
“Dean, I would be honored. I’m just as much yours as I am Sam. I can’t even begin to explain how much I love you, how far my love extends.”

Dean gave her a bright smile before taking her right hand in his and sliding the ring onto her fourth finger. It fit perfectly and Emma admired how the twisted gold looked against her skin. She wrapped her fingers around Dean’s, squeezing his hand tight as she smiled brightly at him.

“Now I feel bad that I didn’t get you anything,” she said.  
“You don’t need to get me anything, Emmy. Just being here with you is enough. I just wanted to make this, give you this, to show how much I love you.”  
“Wait, you made this? Dean, this is fucking beautiful.”  
“Uh, yeah. A guy at the shop is into metal work and I asked him a while back if he could show me how to do it. Took me a while to save up for the gold, but I wanted to make sure that it was perfect. That it was perfect for you.”

Emma didn’t know what to say, choosing instead to launch herself into his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she pulled him in for a kiss. His hands found her hips, helping her steady herself in the new position and his mouth started to move against hers just as hungrily. Their lips were pressed so tight that it felt like they’d either bruise or split, but Emma didn’t care. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip, begging him for more and she hissed when his teeth bit down on her top lip. Her hands quickly found the hem of his shirt, wanting to feel his naked chest against hers.

Dean pulled back slightly to let her slide the fabric over his head, his own hands working to do the same to her t-shirt. When the offending garments were both off, Dean pulled her body tight against his, their teeth clashing together. He rolled her over to lay on her back, his hips fitting perfectly between her thighs as he pressed her into the mattress. His lips started to move down her neck, his right hand moving to squeeze her breast as Emma’s moved down his back.

“I need you,” Emma begged, throwing her head back as Dean bit down on her collarbone.  
“I’m right here, darling. I’m not going anywhere,” Dean replied with a chuckle, grinding his hips against hers, pressing his erection against her core.  
“I need more, Dean. I want you inside of me. I need to feel you inside of me.”  
“What’s if I wanted to take my time, sweetheart? What’s if I wanted to kiss every inch of your body?”  
“There’s time for that later, I promise,” Emma said, her voice needy and low. “But right now I want to feel you.”

Dean moved back up her body, his lips finding hers as he worked on removing her shorts and his boxers. While Emma knew Dean loved to tease, loved to take her time, she also knew that he couldn’t deny her when she begged for it just right. When her legs were free from her shorts, she wrapped them around Dean’s hips, thrusting up against him. He groaned against her lips, reaching down between them to guide his cock into her core.

Emma gasped out his name as he slid into her, a feeling that would never get old to her. She started to rock her hips in sync with his, moving her lips across his jaw as she grabbed onto his back.

“Fuck, Emmy. I will never get over how fucking good you feel wrapped around me,” Dean ground out, his voice setting Emma’s body on fire even more. “It’s like a fucking dream.”  
“Shit, Dean. I’m not going to last long. You feel too fucking good,” Emma cried out, her head dropping back against the bed.

Dean pushed his chest away from hers, his hips never faltering, and propped himself up with one of his hands. The other wandered down Emma’s sternum, circling around her breasts and navel before dipping down below her waist, touching her exactly how she needed. She cried out as Dean’s fingers started circling her clit, using just the right amount of pressure, and she knew she was close. Even after all this time together, Dean could always bring her to her peak in a matter of mere minutes.

Dean’s breath was just as ragged as Emma’s and she admired the concentration on his face as he used his body to please her. She could tell that he was just as close as her and she wanted him to join her in her release. She slammed her hips up to meet his, relishing in the groan that she got in response, and she dug her nails into his biceps, something that she had learned he enjoyed immensely.

“Fuck, Emmy. I’m so close. Tell me you’re there too,” Dean asked, his eyes closed tight.  
“I’m there too, Dean. You always know just how to get me there. Your cock feels so fucking amazing. It always feels so amazing,” Emma rambled, finding it hard to get the words out and breathe at the same time. “I’m gunna come. I’m gunna come so hard.”  
“That’s the point,” Dean joked, his lips finding the crook of her neck as his thrusts started to falter. “Come with me, Emmy. Please.”

Before the last word even left Dean’s mouth, Emma found herself hurtling over the each of her orgasm. Her body tensed underneath Dean’s, gripping his arms tightly as he came with a cry of her name before falling down on top of her. As the feeling started to return to her limbs, she ignored the weight of Dean laying on her and started to stroke his hair, her lips kissing his neck and shoulder softly.

She didn’t know why she had been so worried that she wouldn’t have this time with Dean once the babies were here, because as she laid there, listening to his breathing even out, she knew that she would always find time for him. She wasn’t complete without him, she needed him too much, and she knew that they would find a way to manage. Emma looked at her right hand, smiling as she admired the new ring. Just as Dean’s ring helped balance out Sam’s, she knew that they would find a way to balance out their lives when they were five instead of three.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Emma was exhausted. So exhausted that she didn’t even remember what sleep felt like. So exhausted that she didn’t even the energy to truly be exhausted. 

The twins were a week old and despite her tiredness, Emma had to admit it had been the greatest week of her life. When she got the call in the middle of the night that the surrogate was in labor, Emma had nearly hyperventilated, unable to keep herself calm. She and Sam raced to the hospital, even though they knew it could potentially be hours before they met their twins. The waiting drove Emma insane, but it all melted away when she stood in the delivery room and her son was placed in her arms. And her heart nearly shattered from being so full as she watched Sam hold their daughter. In that moment, her family was complete.

But now, a week later, she felt like a complete mess. Sam was supposed to have a couple weeks off of work, but he had been called back to the office after only three days, leaving Emma to take care of the twins by herself the whole day. She couldn’t blame him; she was well aware of how demanding his job was, but it didn’t mean she liked it. When he came home from work, she could tell he was trying, doing as much as he could, but Emma was at her wits end. None of the books she had read, none of the research, had prepared her for the sheer amount of diapers she had to change. Nothing had prepared for how her ears would ring for hours because of the crying.

She loved the babies to the moon and back, but as she tried to rock William to sleep, she couldn’t help but wonder why she had wanted this so desperately. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before her son’s shrill cries would wake up his sister and the whole cycle would repeat. Emma knew she desperately needed a shower, because she was sure it had been three days since her last one and she had been peed on multiple times that day alone, but she didn’t think she’d have the energy to do so if she even found the time.

She leaned back in the rocking chair, holding William close to her chest as she closed her eyes, hoping his crying would stop soon. As she sat in the corner of the nursery she couldn’t help but feel all alone for the first time in a long time. Even with her two babies, her two perfect babies, in the room with her, she felt so cut off from everything, from everyone else, and she started crying herself. She had tried to hold back the tears all morning, but she didn’t have the strength anymore and she let the sobs rack her body as she tried to sooth her son.

Emma cried even louder when she heard Abigail start wailing as well. The crying coming from the three of them was so loud that Emma hadn’t even heard her grandmother walk into the house, calling her name as she climbed the stairs towards the nursery. She didn’t notice the older woman watching her from the doorway, too distracted by her fatigue and frustration

She jolted her eyes open when she felt her son being lifted from her chest, panicking for a moment, but relaxed when she saw her grandmother cradling her son in her arms. The older woman walked over the crib where Abigail was screaming her head off and leaned down to try and sooth both infants at the same time. Emma laid her head against the back of the chair, grateful for the help, as she tried to stifle her own crying.

“Gram, what’re you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming over until this weekend?” Emma asked, her voice showing her exhaustion.  
“Sam called me, baby girl. He feels so bad that he can’t be here, that you’re here all alone, and all but begged me to come early. And like I would pass up the opportunity to spend more time with my sweet great-grandbabies,” Marilyn said, keeping her voice soft. “Now you go lay down and get some sleep. I mean it, young lady. I can handle these two little angels for a little while.”

Emma didn’t try and fight her grandmother on it and got up. She was halfway down the hallway when she realized she didn’t have the energy to walk all the way to her and Sam’s bedroom, so she crashed on Dean’s bed instead. She was asleep before she even hit the mattress.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep, but she did know she felt much better. Her whole body still ached and she felt like she could still sleep for a week straight if she were allowed, but she knew that she needed to get up and face the real world again. As she sat up, she realized that for the first time in days the whole house was quiet. It was a sound that Emma was sure she’d never hear again.

She decided to take a quick shower while there was a moment peace, needing to scrub off all the grime and vomit that she was covered in. She may have stayed under the stream of water a few minutes longer than she had intended to, but she didn’t regret it. Between the nap and the shower she felt refreshed enough to go back to the real world.

She walked down the stairs, stopping midway at what she saw. Her grandmother was sitting on the couch, holding a sleeping William, while Dean was walking around the living room, cradling Abigail. The moment that Dean had met that baby girl, she had had him wrapped around her chubby, little fingers and it still took Emma’s breath away to see them interact.

When Emma had told her family that she and Sam were expecting, they had all asked what would happen with Dean. Sam and Dean understood why Emma didn’t want to tell her family the truth of their relationship. It wasn’t that she was ashamed by any means, she just knew that they would never understand, never be able to look at her the same. So, her family had been very surprised when she explained that nothing would be changing. Dean would still be living with them, still be a part of their growing family.

As she watched Dean coo at her baby girl, Emma was immensely grateful that at least her grandmother understood the dynamic of her relationships with the two brothers. They were both so different, yet so alike, and Marilyn had once told her that she understood why Emma couldn’t choose between the two, because she wouldn’t have been able to either. As Emma studied the scene in front of her, her heart tightened in pain because Sam wasn’t a part of it. All the people she loved the most in the world were in the room except for him. 

“You feeling better, baby girl?” Emma’s grandmother asked, smiling at her softly.  
“So much better. Thank you, Gram. I didn’t know how much I needed that.”  
“Trust me, I know. Your dad and uncle aren’t twins, but they were born so close to each other they might as well have been. You deserved a break.”

Emma sat down next to her grandmother and gladly accepted her son into her arms. She gently touched his face, still amazed at how soft, how perfect he felt. Still amazed that he was finally here. She looked over at Dean, who had stopped walking around to stand next to the window and watch the sunset. 

The first day when they’d brought the babies home, she had felt so bad whenever Dean dealt with the diapers and the crying, because that wasn’t his job, but he quickly made her realize that he wanted to do it. His niece and nephew were his family, and just like he took care of Sammy his whole life, he was going to take care of William and Abigail. And as she watched him talk softly to Abigail, she couldn’t help but smile. 

After a few minutes, Emma handed her son back to her grandmother so she could start making dinner. As she stepped into the kitchen she groaned, having forgot that it had been days since she’d done dishes and they were now piled high into the sink. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, trying to hold back the tears of frustration and jumped when she felt Dean’s hand on her back.

“Here, sweetheart. Take Abs. I’ll clean the kitchen and order us some pizza. You go relax,” Dean said, kissing the top of her head.  
“I...I feel like such a failure, Dean. I can’t even take care of my own kids, can’t even clean my own house by myself,” Emma explained as the tears started falling.  
“Shhh,” Dean said, trying to sooth her. “You are the furthest fucking thing from a failure, darling. You are working your ass off and we all know it. We see it. You have given everything you’ve had for these babies all week. You are not failing. Sam and I are failing. It’s our kitchen too. We should be cleaning it too. You’re doing so much already; it’s not your job to worry about the dishes too.”

Emma latched on to Dean, careful not to smush the baby between the two of them and cried into his shirt. She wasn’t sure why she was still crying, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Earlier she had felt so alone, but now, standing in the kitchen with Dean she realized that she wasn’t. She would never be alone in this.

Emma didn’t even hear Sam come into the house, didn’t see him stop in his tracks when he saw her crying against Dean’s chest. She didn’t even register Dean waving his free arm wildly, pointing to the pile of dishes, trying to get Sam to clean them as soon as possible. The only thing she was focused on was the smell of baby mixed with Dean, the hardness of Dean’s chest under her hands, the sounds of her own ragged breathing. She had no idea how much time passed before Dean spoke again.

“It’s going to be okay, baby girl. You’re just going to have to tough it out for a bit longer, but you’re not going to have to do it alone. We’re all here for you, for these kiddos. We’ll figure it out, we always do,” Dean said, rubbing the back of her head as Emma finally stopped crying.

Emma nodded stiffly, her face still buried in his chest, before pulling back to wipe her tears. She was startled to see Sam scrubbing away at the dishes, and looked back at Dean, smiling softly.

“Thank you, Dean.”  
“No need to thank me, sweetheart. Now here’s the plan. Your Gram wants to go on a ride in the Impala, so Sammy here is going to help me switch the car seats over and then we’re going to get out of your hair. Sam is then going to draw you a nice, warm bath, complete with all the candles and girly shit, and then you are going to relax. You’re not going to think about anything else except yourself the rest of the night. Got it?”  
“Yes, sir,” Emma replied with a fake salute before pulling him down for a kiss.  
“Now take your beautiful baby girl and go sit on the couch. That’s an order.”

She took the baby from his arms and went to sit down next to her grandmother. She smiled when her grandmother nodded towards Dean and mouthed ‘I like him’. She settled into the couch and looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms and she was reminded why all the fatigue and frustration was worth it. As she looked between her son and her daughter, she had remembered why she had wanted this so badly and she was eternally grateful that she finally had it, even if it was driving her insane.

\--

Emma woke up the next morning completely refreshed. She had spent nearly an hour soaking in the tub with Sam, who spent the whole time apologizing for abandoning her. She had already been asleep by the time her grandmother and Dean got back from their joyride, relishing in the feeling of being wrapped in Sam’s strong arms again. 

She checked in the nursery, smiling when she saw both of her babies fast asleep and ventured down the stairs. She was about to enter the kitchen for some much-needed coffee when she heard Sam and Dean arguing in hushed voices.

“You don’t think I feel bad enough, Dean? She feels like a failure? I feel like the fucking failure. I wanted a family so badly and then I can’t even spend time with my own kids. But I gotta pay the bills somehow!”  
“Look, dude, I’m not trying to start a fight here. That’s the last thing we need. I’m just telling you what Emmy told me. You have to figure something out, work out a way to get some time off, because Emma can’t do this by herself. I’m helping as much as I can, but dude, two babies is a lot of work.”  
“I know...I know, Dean. And I can’t thank you enough. For helping. We never expected you to.”  
“Oh shut up. You know I would give my damn life for those kids just as much as I would for you or Emma. Of course I’m going to freaking help.”  
“I don’t know what to do, Dean. The firm’s up my ass constantly about deadlines for some of these cases and I’m just miserable. I don’t want to be there. I want to be here. With the kids. With Emma. Hell, even with you. I want to be with my family. Instead I’m being bent over the table by these fucking corporations who don’t want to listen to the fucking EPA. I didn’t know what an ‘apple pie’ life would be like, but I sure as hell didn’t imagine this. I’m lucky I got them to understand that there’s no way in hell I was coming in today.”  
“You are Sam-fucking-Winchester. You’ll figure it out. You always do. You used to hunt freaking monsters for Christ’s sake. If you can figure out how to gank a wendigo, if you can fucking help kill Death, then you can figure out how to make this all work. And you’re not alone. I’m in your corner. I always have been, Sammy.”  
“I’ve been thinking….I’ve been thinking about quitting the firm. I don’t know. Maybe trying to set up an LLC or some shit and work here from home. That way I can be here, I can be a part of the family again, instead of some dude who shows up just in time for bedtime.”  
“Then do it. Stop living in your head and just do it. What’s the shit that Emmy always say? Forget about the fantasies and focus on the flesh, or whatever? Make the fantasy into flesh.”  
“Stop being the wise, older brother. It gets annoying sometimes y’know.”

Emma jumped when her grandmother walked up behind her, interrupting her eavesdropping. Emma hugged the older woman tight, thanking her for her help, and the two of them stepped into the kitchen, ending Sam and Dean’s conversation.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean said, pulling her into a tight hug before kissing the top of her head. “Feeling better?”  
“Much,” Emma said with a smile. “Thank you.”  
“Anytime, darling,” Dean said before pushing her towards Sam, who enveloped her in his long arms.  
“I love you,” he whispered as he too kissed her head. “How’re you feeling?”  
“I’m starving,” Emma said with a chuckle, heading towards the fridge to grab some stuff to make breakfast.

As if on cue, the two babies upstairs started screaming at the top of their lungs, demanding their own breakfast. Emma turned to make some bottles but was amazed to see that Sam and Dean both already each had one in their hands and were heading upstairs together. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of two experienced, supernatural hunters switching into baby mode.

“You’re a lucky gal, Emmy,” Marilyn said, helping Emma prepare breakfast for the four adults.  
“I know, Gram. Trust me, I am very aware. Not quite sure what I did to deserve them, but I don’t know how I ever lived without them.”  
“You guys will figure out a system. All new parents do. But babies are hard and you guys have it twice as hard. Just know that if you ever need anything, I’m just a phone call away. Your dad is just a phone call away. We’re all happy to help.”  
“Thanks, Gram.”

Emma was plating everyone’s eggs and toast when her two gorgeous men walked back into the kitchen, each of them carrying a baby. Dean, of course, had little Abigail, but his face quickly contorted from a smile into one of pure disgust as she let out a nasty burp. Sam couldn’t help but laugh as he took a seat at the kitchen island, digging into his breakfast with his free hand.

Emma walked over to Dean and took Abigail from his arms, cooing at her baby girl. She knew it was too early to tell, that they were still squishy at such a young age, but Emma felt like she could see her nose in her daughter’s features, while her son definitely had his dad’s nose. Both of their hair was dark, taking after Sam, and she hoped that they had both inherited his skin tone as well, not wanting them to suffer through being pale like she did.

She smiled as Abigail wrapped her tiny hand around her finger and leaned down to kiss the baby’s forehead. She was so focused on her daughter that she didn’t notice Dean ushering her grandmother out of the room, leaving her and Sam alone with their perfect children.

“You need to eat too, babe,” Sam said as he finished his meal.  
“Can’t I just eat her up, Sam? She is so stinking perfect. I can’t believe we made them. That they’re little versions of us.”  
“I would prefer if you did not eat my daughter, Emma. Now come over here and eat something.”

Emma settled down onto the stool next to him and gladly accepted the fork-full of food he moved towards her mouth. She knew that she could ask his why he wasn’t at work, because she wasn’t supposed to hear his conversation with Dean, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead she wanted to focus on just being next to him, holding their children. Sam, however, decided to bring it up.

“I know I’ve already apologized a thousand times, Em, but I wanted to say how sorry I am, again. I’ve left you alone to handle everything and it’s not been fair to you. And I know something needs to change, so I’m going to make it happen. I don’t know how yet, I need to do some research,” Sam said as he fed Emma, chuckling, “but I’m going to leave the firm. I need to be closer to home, I should be here, with you, with them. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”  
“I’m not alone, Sam. You’re working just as hard as I am. I just wasn’t prepared for how much work this would be. I thought I had an idea before they came home, but I was so wrong. And I haven’t acknowledging how hard you’re working too, both at the firm and when you get home. I don’t want you to leave the firm just because you think it’s what I want. I know you love your work.”  
“That’s just it, Em. I don’t love my work. I love you. And William. And Abigail. I couldn’t give three shits about the firm. I hate pulling out of the driveway every day, knowing I’m leaving you three behind. But I know we have to pay the bills somehow. But I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. Just plan on seeing me around here lot more.”  
“I’m always happy to see you more, Sam. And to see more of you,” Emma teased with a wink, reaching over to squeeze Sam’s thigh to show him that she would support him no matter what.

Sam carefully handed William over to her so he could clean up the kitchen and Emma looked down at her full arms. She knew a time would come that they were too big and too squirmy for her to hold both of them at the same time, so she tried to do it as much as possible now.

The irony of having twins was not lost on Emma. She had spent so much time trying to juggle her relationships with Sam and Dean that it felt like karma that she was now juggling two babies. But she knew that if she could figure out a way to make it work with the two brothers, that she’d find a way to make it work with her two kids. That was the Winchester way after all.

Later that afternoon, Emma was sitting on the couch, her arms empty as her two boys were once again holding the babies. Her grandmother was watching Emma and her family with a soft smile and Emma couldn’t imagine a more perfect place to be. 

Dean was teasing Sam about how little Abs was going to be swatting guys away left and right when she was a teenager, a thought that Sam couldn’t seem to handle just yet. Emma could tell he wanted to make some comment about nothing scaring him, especially since he literally had hunted monsters, but they were all very aware of her grandmother in the room. Instead, she reached over and squeezed Sam’s arm, reassuring him that dating was still many, many years away. They had to make it through these first few years before they needed to worry about that.

Sam and Dean continued to joke about what the kids would be like as they got older and Emma couldn’t help but get wrapped up in the fantasies herself. She couldn’t wait to chase the two of them through the yard, help them climb her favorite oak tree, kiss their boo-boos better. She was anxious to hear them tell her about their day at school, read them bedtime stories, bake their birthday cakes. But as she looked around the living room, at the people she loved the most, she realized that as nice as the fantasies were, what she had in the flesh was so much better.

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I am currently working on a companion piece that will not only help fill in some of the gaps from the boys’ points-of-view, but will also give us a glimpse into the future.


End file.
